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Am I Insane Or Creative?

 

I can't quite decide whether or not it's insanity or creativity. I have always had a way of reading people, not their thoughts clear in my mind but the way they feel. I am almost afraid to tell anyone this as to be committed. I've tried shutting the awareness down but through all my thwarted efforts comes more awareness. This thing doesn't work unless I watch you, and it sometimes works over the phone when I can gauge your tone. Unless I get a visual, I cannot accomplish what I'm seeing.

I feel like a monster at times. I try not to abuse my gift whatever it may be. Some form of craziness as I feel what the people around me feel. The only person not affected by this is my son who has the same abilities, almost scary at times because he's only four with the awareness of a soul that I could almost call as old as my own.

I drift listlessly through life not knowing. I try to drown it out but I cannot shut it off. To my dear friends I am known as the manipulator, but only in jest as they find it funny to watch me squirm.

With this volatile moon comes headaches, I could see the energy around everything today and it hurt, it was nauseating. Too much for me to handle. I don't want to give my gift up, I just need better time to control it. I feel a huge hole in the pit of my being wondering what it is that I'm searching for. Am I one of the countless lost souls that has chosen to walk the earth searching for the one I have given everything up for, only to have created a child in this life that bares the same burden as I? To some this would sound poetic, but for me I feel the torture that tears my insides. I feel drawn to the woman down the street with the walk-ins welcome sign, but will she be a fake? I don't want to be the one asking the questions, I want someone to tell me, just tell me something that I don't already know or can't feel it when the time is right on my own. I am learning control but feel as though I might lose my sanity on the path to find it.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, firelotus, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

firelotus (1 stories) (4 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-25)
I quit my job, that was in fact a place full of rage, and although I didn't have a back up plan I feel much better and it seems as though everything is falling into place now. The hole in my stomach are gone for now. Thank you to everyone that helped me realize what to with with the protection.
GlendaSC (5 stories) (1475 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-19)
Davis - I tend to be too vague. I think a white light is natural, like trees too. Sorry if it didn't sound that way. I'm feeling restless lately, wanting to get out more. I'm looking for a job part time or full time to do that so I hope you continue to write and help others.
davis_em (1 stories) (23 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-19)
Glenda,

I was only trying to be helpful. White light doesn't work for everyone (me being one of them).

ED
gumspit (1 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-19)
firelotus... Many say you need to visualize a bubble of white protective light around you and I agree. I am also an empath and you need to be glad you know where the feelings originate because it took me years. My mother was gifted too but she all but extinguished my being in tune with my gift. You said you want to know but then you say you try to shut it off. That's not who you are. Love who you are. Turn it ON and your life will bloom!
ALeoaVigilante (5 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-19)
❤ Amazing! I would love for you to do energy work on people... You should try channeling that energy into a specific cause that is greatly used and benefited with (and by) "that" energy! You have an amazing ability please embrace and fine tune it! Use it to help and relate to your son on that level, so he does grow up with those same patterns that you had! Peace, love, and light! 😆 ❤
firelotus (1 stories) (4 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-19)
I am currently studying psychology, I have always thought that is where my gift would be put to best use.
firelotus (1 stories) (4 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-18)
you all are very wonderful, The awareness alone is a priceless gift. I started feeling the emptiness again today and I imagined that there was a shield around me and it worked, made me very tire but it worked... Thank you
GlendaSC (5 stories) (1475 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-18)
Edmund is really nice to have for advice. He's practical and informative. Thanks. Sometimes any answer is better than feeling isolated and helpful info is great.
davis_em (1 stories) (23 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-18)
firelotus: Reading your story made me realize I hadn't done enough meditation lately, as I've been feeling the emotions that aren't mine recently, too. Edmund has some EXCELLENT advice about the white light. I can never get a clear enough picture of the light in my head, so instead of light, I build a wall around me, so that I am surrounded by impenatrable stone (think Rapunzel). When you do this, whatever you use to keep out the things you don't want, always remember that even with your shielding, you can let IN the things you DO want. It takes practice to keep out some things and let others in, but it IS doable. Try finding some quiet time, close your eyes, and visualize whatever is best or easiest for you (white light, stone, crystal, brick, metal... ANYTHING). Remember that while you are protected by your shield, nothing can get in unless you want it in.

Please don't feel like you are crazy! You have been given a powerful gift that can allow you to help others. Not only can you sense what others are feeling, but you can project to others feelings that they need (calmness, for example... And I'm betting you can help them fill with purpose, also). Protect yourself with your shield, and remember to love yourself. Empathy can be a heavy gift, but the rewards are worth it.
GlendaSC (5 stories) (1475 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-18)
I would try to look at this as something natural, like trees and birds, and artistic. Some people sit down at a piano for the first time at the age of five and play music they've heard. No one can explain it except they are called gifted. Perfect pitch. So, if it's bugging you, look at it like one of those things. I know that in today's world, and through the centuries, it's been made into some kind of weird, big deal thing. Really, there are times when being sensitive can be funny. I once had a coach picking on me, and tried my hardest to be nice. He was just mean. Finally he had us start drawing numbers, 1,2,3's from a hat. That first draw I told him that I was a 2 person. As the words came out of my mouth, I didn't know what they meant. Then I laughed, knowing I was being helped. Well I drew 2's every class. Every one. My class of 60 or so thought it hilarious. I thought it was cool, and nice. He finally gave up and was angrier. Too bad. Being nice is under rated. So next time you have an experience, look at is as playing the piano with talent, no big deal. This was good for me to write. I needed reminding. Thanks for writing, and look for the humor a little. It breaks the tension. Sorry this was too long.
Edmund (578 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-17)
firelotus... Like I said it is a nice gift to have... But its getting the control part down and that comes with working with light and using it as a filter... I guess the answer is that you do create the calm or the plague effect and that is also good to have because you can project it... You can make people who maybe somewhat nervous a lot calmer and get to the important details. Its a nice ability to have if you are a social worker of some sorts. So any way work with light... Surrond yourself in it when you want quiet time and project the calming abilities to difuse negative emotions in people!
firelotus (1 stories) (4 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-17)
I have also noticed that when someone is angry with me from a distance, when I come into their presence there is a calm that comes over them. I'm not entirely sure how it happens but it does. I have also noticed that some people are drawn to me while others, whom I am glad for it stay away like I am the plague. Is this something that maybe I am creating? Unaware that I am doing it? I was just feeling a surge of electricity run through my body and then my phone alerted me to who it was I was feeling. They are in new york and I am in Pennsylvania. Now that I am more aware of what's going on, although I have always known something. How in the world do I control it... I try keeping my head busy with books and art and sometimes just mindless activities, but to no avail the distraction only last as long as the activity. This is nice to be able to talk about this finally to people who don't think I'm insane. Thank you I will try some of your suggestions.
Edmund (578 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-17)
firelotus... Your an empath and it is a very nice gift to have. You already have a heads up on how people truly feel within a few moments of conversation. It is how to control this gift that you have and that is done with some practice. In your mind you can surrond yourself with light and let it act as a filter or you can project a clear wall from your mind and put it inbetween you and the other person. If you have the power of an empath you can develop a filter the filter is usually made of light and is created in your mind but it does take some practice. Now the lady down the street try it... You know soon enough if she is real or full of it!
fibroman (2 stories) (5 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-17)
I also 'feel' people and their emotions; often times very clearly. I used to look at it as a curse but not I look at it as a gift. I can be the best listener and tell when someone needs me. I can tell when someone wants to be alone, when they need me, when they need something, etc. I work in Customer Service and it is much easier for me to handle angry people because I know what they want to hear. My coworkers joke around that I am psychic (really an empath) and always give the roughest cases to me to handle because I can.

I also know how it feels to be depressed and not know why. I often feel angry for no reason or anxious for no reason and have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years. You are not alone in this; there are a lot of us... If you ever need to vent I'd be happy to listen. Keep your chin up.
YVE72 (5 stories) (212 posts)
 
12 years ago (2008-09-17)
You're not crazy. You're an empath (able to feel the emotions and/or pain of the living and/or dead). Your son's abilities are his by his own choosing, likewise with you. There is no blame to assign.

Because you can pick up the negativity of others, it can depress you without knowing the cause. Please practice some form of protection. Use visualization to surround yourself with white light or see yourself inside a bubble.

Also try a daily prayer/affirmation to cleanse your mind, body, soul, and psychic self of any negativity you've accumulated throughout the day. It will cut down on a lot of psychic headaches.

Peace & blessings. 😊

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