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A Passionate Lost Soul


Not all of my experiences with the world of spirit have necessarily been negative, at least not directly. For many years I was involved in an equally beneficial symbiotic relationship with what I now believe to be a clinging soul, a girl who for the purposes of this discussion I will call Kat. While it was more than a little uncomfortable at times, for reasons which will become clear soon enough, it was most definitely interesting experience, and one that has left more than a few lingering questions behind as well. I am a little reticent to share this story, for obvious reasons, though I will give it a try.

I've always been an artist, ever since I was old enough to hold a pen. I spent most of my otherwise unhappy childhood in a self inflicted dream world of monsters and mutants, beasts and heroes. I was never good enough to turn my hand to it professionally, despite a two year detour I made to study graphic design at college, and had long resigned myself to the fact that my intricate black and white creations would never achieve any recognition. Sometime around the year 2000 I opened an online gallery to showcase my pen and ink illustrations, and after a slow start I began to receive some positive feedback on my work. But the pressure to continually produce new and more interesting artistic scenario's left me desperate for inspiration and willing to plumb the very depths of my psyche to get it.

Kat first made herself known to me in my dreams. She was a sexually obsessed little creature, a succubi by nature if not by species, cold and vibrant and achingly alive. I don't mind admitting that we shared each other intimately while I slept, a much needed release for a man who was actively repressing his own desires at the time and had, through personal choice, remained a virgin well into his 20's. Her needs mirrored my own, at least at first, and she soon found expression in the real world through my artwork, breathing new life into an existing character which I had never desired to develop before and altering her almost beyond recognition in the process.

Soon my artwork began to take on a more playfully sexual aspect, switching from standard character and creature portraits to whimsical pin up work, not an unwelcome evolution of my style to be sure, and for my part at least I was more than comfortable with it. In time my work with Kat progressed to full nudes, rendered as tastefully as possible, my limits as to the content which I would and would not draw set to a similar level as that of classical sculpture and my outright refusal to cross the line from pin up to erotic work most probably causing the next, far more sinister phase of our working relationship.

There had always been an underlying darkness to Kat's personality, both as a nocturnal lover and a real world muse, and soon this began to exert itself more and more in my dealings with her. The sadistic, fetishistic and at times outright violent nature of the images I was creating disturbed me to such an extent that I tried my best to stop drawing her altogether, though this only resulted in Kat periodically knocking on the inside of my head and thrusting a new, usually blood soaked and disturbing concept for an illustration before my vision, her charming smile and softly spoken demands quickly pushing me to a point where I would have to either give up my art entirely to be free again, or carry on and fall under her sway even further.

She wanted to be the dominant half of our partnership, and I knew enough about the workings of the occult even then to realize that such a surrendering of myself to an outside entity would be a very bad thing indeed. The people who visited my online gallery at the time new nothing of all this, of course, and lusted hungrily after the next image of their freely adopted cultural icon, her sway over them growing even as I actively sought to resist it myself. My personal life became a mess, and I used to stay up all night slaving over the latest image of her, fuelled by cola and chocolate and very little else. I might have been fighting her influence, but I was under no illusions that she was winning.

Yet after struggling on in this way for years, fighting a constant battle of wills with an entity who's soft and yielding nature, tinged as it was with blood and pain, made any thoughts of resistance seem almost nonsensical, I finally met a girl in the real world who I felt deserved to share my body with me, and Kat herself seemed to agree, for she left me on the evening of the 6th of June 2006, while the girl who would go on to become my lover and I were discussing our possible future together. I felt my aura stretch and snap back into shape, and knew she was gone, my relief at being free of her tinged with the sadness of knowing that I had lost touch with an entity that had taught me so much about both my own creativity and sexuality, even if they were not always truths which I was willing to face at the time.

So how do I explain her? The rationalist in me asserts that she was a fragmentary aspect of my own repressed desires given life by my deep subconscious and sustained upon the very mental energy that I was expending to keep my purely physical needs from rising to the surface. The occultist in me, however, recognizes the presence of a second, distinct entity in all this, a creature who I had assumed to be some form of succubi for many years, until my more in depth research proved that the very nature of our symbiotic relationship, and the distinctly human aspects of her rapidly growing personality, flew in the face of accepted demonological thinking on the subject of purely sexual nocturnal spirits.

And so it leaves me with the knowledge that I was, for a time at least, passionately involved with a lost soul, a wandering spirit seeking the warmth of human interaction, her longings and desires finding a willing host within my own, and her lust for fame enough to fuel my artistic creativity to new heights. We both got what we wanted from the relationship, and in the end, when it finally did end, I doubt there was any real ill will on Kat's part, any more than there was on mine. I hardly draw at all now, as it is just not the same without my dark muse guiding my pen and dancing through my dreams, though who knows? Perhaps now that I am single again she will return, and I will be far less willing to resist her otherworldly charms this time around


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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, VulpesVulpes, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Timfaraos (426 posts)
9 years ago (2015-03-09)
Demons often disguise themselves as sexy entities, incubus and succubus, to desecrate our minds and bodies- which are temples of God. You willfully interacted with her- it's- demands. And when you found a real human woman, to sin with, the succubus demon left you, because it had finally accomplished what it set out to do- to make you fornicate! LOL! It's plain as daylight!
Adaryn7 (6 stories) (460 posts)
14 years ago (2010-08-20)
I'm not sure if you check this site anymore, though I wished to thank you anyway for sharing this story. I love art myself, and wish I had more time for it. All the best

stefr49 (2 stories) (3 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-16)
Thanks for the comments but the kid did come back adain.
I did what you advised and he... Hasnt came back. Although before he left, he wispered "thanks". His reason for this I do not know. I thank you for your advise.
VulpesVulpes (guest)
15 years ago (2009-02-12)
Heh, yeah, I know that you mean. This is an all ages website after all. I had to tone down some of the content of the above story anyway, which is why it might seem a little vague in places. It is certainly a tricky one to describe without sounding any more crazy than I probably already am!

As for my artwork, there isn't any online any more, though I might plan a big come back one day. I destroyed it all in the real world too, in an attempt to erase my connection with Kat. I still draw a little, though not her I'm afraid. Not in a while anyway. I do use my artwork in my more magickal experiments though, to create sigils and talismans and the like, though again I have none of them scanned either. Keep in touch, and I'll throw you a link should I ever get another gallery up and running online.

Oh, and the concept of Kat being one of my guides had crossed my mind, though I had never heard of a persons guides getting so intimately involved before. Other than that, I know my totem animal is either a wolf, a dog or most likely a fox, and that there are active aspects of my look and personality which prove this. I prefer animals to people at the best of times, and tend to lean towards totems as opposed to guides in general. But if Kat wanted to reassert herself, and did indeed prove to be one of my guides, I'd definitely give her a second chance.
academylin (14 stories) (303 posts)
15 years ago (2009-02-12)
Vulpes, that does sound very strange really, but erotically exciting, which is no way for a "ladee" to be talking on a weds afternoon! Lol!

Which leads me to beg the question of a link for your artwork and a look at this lil "cling ons's" influence?

We were drawing auras last night, and when I'd finished ilustrating my mentors for her I had a page full of sworls of colour and energy with two distinct electric blue charges above her left shoulder, as I was trying to explain these colours to her and indicated that I had actually seen these lightning flashes, just before we started.

She explained who the flashes were. She sees them also on occasion and knows which particular guides of hers they are.

I bet your lil Kat is still around you somewhere close you know?
VulpesVulpes (guest)
15 years ago (2009-02-12)
Heh, well she just seemed to appear, oddly enough. I can't pinpoint an exact incident which created her, nor can I actively remember our first meeting. I have since tried in vain to re-establish contact with her, though it has been mostly unsuccessful. I think I have gotten close a few times, through my artwork, but nothing conclusive, and no more knocking on the inside of my head either. Strange thing is, I often see echoes of her in the artwork of others, especially over the last couple of years, and I wonder if she is still out there, doing what she does.

Yeah, I miss her, she was with me for about 6 years in one way or another, and while she drove me half out of my mind at the time, she also forced me to push myself creatively, an experience no artist would regret. And yes, I'd have her back. Thing is, I'm far better prepared for such a working relationship this time, and as far as the more personal side of the relationship goes, I guess I'll see how I feel at the time, depending on my real world commitments. I see no harm in becoming involved with an entity in such a way, as long as the person is ready to fight to remain in control, and knows what they are doing.

I guess now you understand how I know so much about the whole 'clinging soul' thing eh?
academylin (14 stories) (303 posts)
15 years ago (2009-02-12)
Yeap, you're right Vulpes, I completely missed this story!

It ALL is amazing, what happened, and your "matter of fact" descriptions, explanations and understandings.

I think I'd be in tears if my "inspiration" deserted me, but you are quite right, she was trying to get controling!

So, erm, anyway... How did you actually stumble into her, you know, for those boring winter evenings?! (joke!)

Do you miss her, would you have her back, don't you think she'd drive you nuts this time?

Love Lynnex

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