I am new to this world and am looking for advice and direction. I don't even understand it all, but I'm tired of denying it. When I was 4 years old I had a 'knowing' that I had an older brother. I would ask my mom and she would just blow me off. Many years later I learned that she had in fact aborted a baby 2 years before I was born.
When I was 8 years old, I was in the passenger seat and I saw an old man on the side of the road that looked completely out of place in how he was dressed. We stared into each others eyes... I will never forget those terrified eyes of his... When my mother and I looked back he was gone.
When I was 10 years old I was left to wait in the car. All of the sudden I felt compelled to duck down and hide. To this day I believe that I was in danger and was protected.
When I was 12 I was given an assignment to write about a relative that had passed away. I told my teacher that I didn't know any of my relatives so she told me to make something up. So I decided to write about my great-grandfather (whom I had only met once when I was about 5) committing suicide. Just before I turned it in I did change to suicide to heart just because I thought it would freak out people out. Many years later, he indeed end up committing suicide. Which was a complete shock to the entire family.
When I was 13, I had just met my grandfather again since I was about 4. I had a phone conversation with him and when I hung up I 'knew' it was the last time I was going to speak to him. He had a stroke and heart attack 3 days later and died soon after.
When I was 13, while on a school trip, I had a very detailed dream about the following day that would end badly for me. I thought it was very odd when I woke up because things were going so well. However the dream came to past exactly they way I had dreamed. Oddly, having had the dream made it so much easier for me to handle. My teachers were amazed.
I grew up with a mother that believed psychic abilities were of the devil but she firmly believed in demonic activity as well as angelic activity. She strongly believed members of our family were possessed and had some power. For this reason I was kept away from my family until I was a teenager. My mother 'saw things' and 'felt things' all the time. I always knew when I was in the presence of evil and good and I always saw lights and shadows but she would dismiss them and tell me they were nothing. I knew she felt differently.
Also, one year of my life has always troubled me. People tried to shield me from what was going on most of the time but my mother always talked to me. Not to mention I saw it with my own eyes. She had a year she was systematically "attacked". It was so bad that we had to live with other people because she could barely take care of herself much less me. To this day she won't talk much about it so I don't know how she made it stop. All I know is she disappeared for a few months and came back ok.
I grew up in churches that believed in "casting out demons' and 'blessing houses' etc and saw many scary things that young children should never see.
I have also always seemed to attract predators and psychics alike. Like there is something that evil and good are drawn to in me. And yes, I was indeed attacked by evil people for a period of a few months when I was too young to fight back. I was 2. In fact I barely escaped with my life.
These things being said, I was terrified of the things I saw and experienced so I spent years trying to shove it down and make it stop. Tell myself I didn't believe in it. And it did die down a lot. However I am at a really good point in my life and I feel like its all starting to come back... But this time in a positive way instead of negative. Which is very new to me.
When I was 24, I was working in the mall and a young mentally challenged boy turned up missing. For 2 hours our security made amber alerts and searched for this boy. During this time I knew I was going to find him but I had to wait until lunch. So I focused my energy the best I knew how... When my 30min break rolled around, I went out and found that boy in 15 minutes.
I am now 27, just got married in Oct to Man who has gifts. He doesn't focus on them, but the man knows everything. He dreamed about his own very dramatic birth that almost killed his mother. He told her about the dream and she burst into tears because it was all true. She had never told him the story. He doesn't take it seriously, but it runs deep in his family. Oddly, I feel like gifts are stirring and trying to re-awken in me since we have been married. I am starting to 'know' things all the time and even have pictures of things before they happen.
This is all so new to me. I have never even talked about it before. I feel weird even typing it out here for y'all. But if anyone can offer advice I would greatly appreciate. My husband and I are both at the point of wanting to accept this and make it into a positive thing. We would like to sharpen our awareness and learn to recognize what things are when they happen rather than just afterwards and definitely want all of it to be positive instead of negative.
I hope I have made sense in all this, its just gushing out of me and I can hardly keep up with my thoughts!