I've been reading the stories on this board for a while and am overwhelmed by the amount of encouragement and support, so I turn to you for guidance.
I'm not really sure where to start, so I'll include a bit of everything.
I am highly empathic, and have been so my whole life. In fact, until I was a teenager, I actually thought it was "normal" to feel what others were feeling, to know what they knew, to draw out their energies and "read" their motives. People have called me the "human lie detector".
I'm also able to sense energies not connected with people. I get strong feelings and connection with places. Some might call these "hauntings", but this isn't always the case. While I've experienced my share of spirits, shadow people, etc, sometimes these energies are connected with a specific place or object, like I can feel its history and its "mood". This happens rarely, but when it happens it is an extremely powerful, overwhelming and almost debilitating feeling.
Now is where it starts getting strange.
Over the past, let's say 3-4 years, my abilities have gotten stronger but have also gotten "worse". And when I say worse, I mean: it's gotten to the point where I can ONLY sense NEGATIVE energies, spirits or places. And these negative energies don't leave like they used to; they stick around like a black cloud following me through life, draining my energy and sending me into bouts of depression, anxiety and frustration.
When I meet someone, even if the person is outwardly positive, happy, content, I will immediately feel every bit of pain, sorrow, or in some cases evil that has visited their spirits. This energy consumes me and will not let go - I feel like I've become a magnet for negative energy. I used to be able to cleanse myself by either relaxation, envisioning a white light around my body, etc. But now when I try these things I am almost immediately exhausted, drained and occasionally break down completely. Whatever this is has a hold on me. WHAT it is, exactly, I'm not sure.
I believe this negative energy surrounding me has begun to manifest physically and impact my daily life. I go through my days feeling anxious, sad, angry, frustrated, nauseous, etc. I've started noticing that when I have these emotional "flare-ups", they will almost always be followed by some physical (usually electrical) manifestation. Usually by a flickering light or some other electrical glitch like a computer will freeze or some small electronic device will break or malfunction.
I'm afraid to leave the house. When I do, I try not to look at people or interact with them beyond a superficial level. I've cut off contact with almost everyone because I simply can't bear the weight of their energies. My husband (who is also empathic) today told me that he doesn't recognize me anymore, and that my energy is actually frightening him.
I don't know what to do. It's gotten to the point where I feel I have lost complete control over my abilities, that they are turning on me and destroying my spirit. How can I regain control? I don't know where to turn for help - hopefully someone can help me find some answers.
Thanks for reading/listening. Happy to answer any questions or clarify.