My name's Tori and I am sixteen years old. Please forgive me if this is a bit long and open subject, I just have a lot to say.
For as long as I can remember I have been different. When I was in kindergarten I would think about complex things such as "how many people are driving right now?" I asked questions constantly, and always wanted to learn. I would often times see lights floating around my bed late at night, and see auras.
As I grew so did my "gift". I would have deja vu at least twice daily, and always thought I could control the wind. But that may be irrelevant. When I had these deja vu's, I would tell my friends. Word got around, and, well, I was outcasted. I had to convince people I was "normal". When I was in forth grade, I started to question religion, and asking questions such as "Is there a God?" and "Where do you go when you die?" I began to see what I think to be spirit shadows, always in the corner of my eye. But one day I saw a full person, a girl with long black hair, running through a wall. This scared me to no end, and I shut myself off to anything to do with being psychic.
I only began to pick up the interest again when those ghost shows started. When watching these shows my mom would tell me about her experiences, and things about how being psychic ran in our family. Always on the woman's side. With this realization things came flooding back. I was seeing shadow people again, in addition to orbs. I could predict the future, though not in great detail. I would get glimpses of the past, and knew that my mom had been kidnapped and raped when she was fifteen, before she told me. I knew when my Grandpa was going to die. This was all in sixth grade.
When I went into middle school, I finally found a friend that I could tell my experiences to. She was also a bit psychic, but her parents were very religious and she could tell them nothing. I was finally excepting that I had a gift, and things kept coming. I would smell things out of the blue, like cigarette smoke, or lavender and lilac. I could sense when a spirit was in the room by a sensation of falling in my stomach. I told my friend all of this and she believed me to a point. Then we had a sleep over at her house with another girl who was "psychic". This girl decided to have a séance, not with an Ouija board or any thing, just reaching out. We got our answer. After that night my friend didn't believe anything I told her, and I was once again an outcast.
I've made new friends and have refined my abilities, they all think I'm nuts. So I stopped telling people. I know what some of my past lives were, and one of my lover's name. As I get older my abilities become more and more advanced. But with my gift comes fear. I advanced more in contacting spirits than anything else, and it's scares me. Because it scares me, I have begun to shut myself down again, just as I did when I was younger.
I don't want to lose my abilities, but I don't want to be afraid to be home alone. I don't want to be an outcast. If you could help me in advancing my abilities, it would be greatly appreciated. But also, how do I block things when they are not wanted?
I'd like to add that, for some reason, I know it sounds weird, but I never thought I was going to live very long. I didn't think I would alive after sixteen, quite honestly. I've had this feeling for as long as I can remember. Also I've always thought I was destined for something much bigger. What is this?
I could say so much more but this is getting rather long. Thank you for your help.