I'm going to begin by saying although this is a long post, it's not that interesting, I can't control fire or read minds, I just need help figuring out what I might have.
I am a 17 year old girl from southern California and until recently I have doubted the existence of psychic abilities. But the older I get I realize the less I know and I think I may have some psychic abilities. And I don't think psychic abilities are random, I agree with this websites definition, that psychic people are just more in tune with their feelings and ability to perceive the world.
After reading people's personal accounts I think it is important I give some background about myself as I have found similarities in other's posts.
I have never been a people person. It seems weird even to myself as I fit all the materialistic demands of high school and society but socializing makes me uncomfortable. I'm very shy at first, it's like there is a block on my brain and I just don't know how to be myself. I've always been a moody person, maybe have 10 or more mood swings a day. I've never been exceptionally happy and around the age of 12 I became very depressed for the next 4 years. I hated being around people and I removed myself from society to a remote location. I was actually happy at first but at the end of my second year there I was so depressed I had to leave. And not just depressed, something weird I had never felt. I felt as if I was going to be ripped out of reality just at a person's touch, my mood was changing all the time, and I couldn't complete any task that required the slightest bit of emotion without feeling as if I would have a mental breakdown. Also, I have always felt extremely connected to plants and animals. I consider my animals my best friends and we are extremely close we can understand each others moods like thoughts. I have always been good with animals, babies, and plants and feel at peace when I am with them or in nature.
My whole life I've always had good instincts, I've even concluded that the best way for me to make choices is to wing it, because when I do everything usually turns out well. But I think my instincts are particularly strong. When I was little I didn't pay attention to them because "psychic" was always an imaginary play word. I sometimes knew beforehand when a teacher would call on me, I would just know, to the point that I could mouth my name as he/she called it.
A particular experience that I remember from when I was really young, maybe 5: I was at the beach and my dad and brother were playing football. Now, I often go off into my head and daydream and make up scenarios, so I was looking at the water and my head played out the scenario where my dad and brother came over and tricked me into falling into the water by showing me a rock and pushing me. Only moments later my dad and brother (who happens to be my twin) came over and I was holding the rock that had prompted my day dream when my dad and brother whispered before my brother yelled out for me to look at a fish, I did, and they pushed me in.
Now it seems I have these moments more and more frequently, or maybe I'm just paying better attention. I am almost always thinking about a person when they call, or have already picked up my cell when it rings or someone texts. Not because I know it's going to ring, but because I just grabbed it without thinking. Also, I've had psychic dreams before, most recently: I dreamed I had a bald spot on the left side of my head straight back from my ear. The next morning I forgot about the dream until I was feeling around in my hair and I felt the bald spot. Another time I was talking to my step mom one morning and I told her that I dreamed that her daughter was pregnant but didn't want to tell anyone yet, but wanted me to be her baby's chauffeur. My step mom interrogated me about the details of the dream which I just blew off. Later that day she told me she had found out the day before I dreamed about it that her daughter was pregnant.
Anyway, I don't want to go on about this because it's not the main reason for my post. But my (psychic?) abilities don't really extend beyond feelings, the occasional dreams, and knowing random things I have no reason knowing like someone I don't know wells' phone number, sensing what someone is going to say, and other small things.
But what I'm here for is my emotions. Ever since I was little I've been a very sensitive person, but not about myself. I can take insults without breaking out in tears:) But other peoples pain has always affected me tremendously. When one of my siblings was hurt I used to always cry (I didn't feel their physical pain) it just affected me. I watched my baby sisters better than my parents out of fear of their safety. And no tragedy is too small, a dying mouse could keep me sad for days. People have told me I'm more sensitive, or more in-tune to other's emotions, especially at boarding school and those I was close with were always surprised when I knew something was wrong, but to me it was just so obvious they were upset that I didn't think anything of their comments and I was left feeling like I had been punched in the stomach for the day.
I'm beginning to think the reason I became so crazy at the end of boarding school was because I was living so close to so many emotional, hormonal, teenagers that I was feeling everyone's emotions? If I really am feeling other's feelings, I need to learn to control it because it's taking a toll on my life. For example: I go way out of my way to set up my situation or living environment so that everyone will be happy, otherwise I struggle. If I'm bringing over someone to my house that my brother doesn't like I will lie to 10 people and my grandma just to ensure those two don't interact because once conflict arises I feel nervous, guilty, etc., for the evening.
I don't like hanging out with people because when I do I always need to make sure they are happy so it's hard to be myself when I'm constantly monitoring others. My friend is living with me this summer and its driving me crazy because as much as I know intellectually why there is no reason that I have to cater to her every need, it hurts me more if I don't. (Also, since my friend has lived with me she will say what she is thinking and probably like 4 or 5 times a day I am thinking the exact thing, or she texts me while I'm about to call her or something asking the same thing.)
Ever since I was little when I've had a friend too long I make them stop liking me because I can't take it anymore. This isn't a bad thing either but when people are mean to others, It makes me uncomfortable. I feel constant anxiety and guilt about what I have in life and what others don't. I would give away everything I owned if I was legal just to not feel guilty anymore. And I've basically come terms with the fact that unless I'm working to help others I won't be happy.
I just feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world and I don't know why. If there is anyone who reads this and thinks they understand what I'm going through, please explain.
I'm sorry this has been so long. I'm just trying to get all this off my chest. Thank you so much to anyone still reading! And your posts or e-mails would be more than appreciated
My email is - acp. Phillips - at - gmail.com
Again, thank you.