I am really not sure where to begin with this. I hope this is not too long!
A brief background; I am 25, a mother of 3 children and last year (September 20th 2008) my partner died in a car accident, he was 28.
Since having children (5 years ago) I have experienced some things I can only call 'odd' but after recent events I think I would like to seek advice/opinion. I use to suffer sleep paralysis and also believe I can astral travel, though the later has only happened twice. Both times were frightening for me because it was like having sleep paralysis at the same time and I couldn't get out of the 'place' I was in.
Often when I go to bed and close my eyes, extremely realistic images, usually of people I don't know, appear. I can see, hear and sense them so clearly. I have also been told by friends that I sleep talk during this time, and they can have conversations with me but I seem to be someone else talking back. I use to put a lot of this down to broken sleep, as it all came on suddenly when I had small babies.
Anyway, more recently; my partner and I always knew his death was coming. There was just something about him that always made me feel he wasn't to be here for long. Even when we first met, the early 2000's I just knew. I'd picture the police knocking on my door so many times, and imagined how I would tell the children etc. It was like it was just a matter of time. It is an eerie feeling, but also comforting in a strange way. Two days before his death, I dreamed he died. Horrified, I pushed the thought from my mind and carried on. But the dream must have been a warning, as it came true. He died on his way home from a night out with friends (he wasn't drunk, for the record). Things had been rough for us but the week leading to his death we had communicated so much and things were looking so positive for us. All I wanted that night was to hold his hand and be near him. I meant to txt him to come back but I fell asleep, I also then woke at 5am (he died at 6.45 a.m.) and went to txt him "I love you" but I dropped back to sleep without pushing the send button. Then a friend rung me at 6.30 a.m., I didn't want to talk (not like me) and I hung up the phone. I lay in bed, awake for about 15 minutes, Through the time he would of crashed, and died, just thinking before going back to sleep.
Anyway, last week, on a Monday, 7 September (what would have been our 8 year anniversary) I had a reading done. It was amazing. He came through nice and strong and that alone gave me a lot of peace. I was going to another show on the Friday coming (the 11th) to a medium from a well known program here in NZ - "Sensing Murder", her name Sue Nicholson.
The 1st psychic told me I would get a good message that Friday, and then later changed to that I may or may not get a message, but he said he would communicate with me in a different form, other then my dreams. My mother and nana came to the show with me. After a bit of chatter, Sue 'took us to the other side'. We closed our eyes and entered the 'garden of remembrance' and we were surrounded by our loved ones and also our angel. I had trouble doing this, for some reason I couldn't relax and I couldn't see my loved ones, angel etc. I tried but the images were forced and didn't come natural like it seemed for others. After this part, and I opened my eyes I almost instantly saw a shadow like figure to the corner of her stage. It didn't appear to have legs, and almost swayed side to side for a few short seconds before disappearing. At first I felt a bit uneasy, after a few minutes I asked my mother if she could see the shadow at the corner and she said yes! I had to focus my eyes in a odd way to see the shadows, but as time went on I could see about 6 or 7 at a time on stage. I thought it had to be a lighting gimmick, or people were walking behind me and it was their shadows, but then I started to notice them on the walls to my side or on the ground near the stage by people. I could see one by the door lady, and each time she walked off it followed her. Most of them swayed about, sometimes if I focused long enough they would get darker and some much taller. Sometimes they had a pale colour around them. It was frustrating as my eyes would strain and get sore if I focused on them too long. I felt the more I saw them the more life like they became but I just couldn't focus long enough.
My mum later described it as almost 'looking through them' not at them directly to make them appear. This happened the whole time I was at the show until the psychic left for half time break, they disappeared along with her! At one point when she returned I thought I could make out a shadow wearing a suit. Its hard to explain how it looked, but it wasn't clear and it was a fleeting moment. At this point my left arm began to ache heavily and my head/neck hurt, my right leg ached and my chest felt heavy. (These I later identified to be places my partner was injured in his crash) I felt very light headed.
These aches lasted on and off for a while. It was so real that I couldn't really concentrate on the show and didn't hear a lot of what was spoken. I was thinking to myself the whole time "what the heck is going on, just show yourself!" Then towards the end of the show I noticed one shadow figure would come and go in my vision in the same place. I focused on it and smiled. It seemed to wave at me. This got my attention because none of the others really moved as much, and none seemed to have limbs. It slowly seemed to appear as my partner, in the clothes we buried him in. I couldn't see his face clear but the body shape and everything looked like him. I smiled, my heart felt warm, I felt totally engulfed in so much love the feeling is really indescribable. I didn't feel any discomfort like I had prior. And then just like that he disappeared. In fact, this is about when the show started to wrap up and all the figures slowly disappeared one by one. There was approx 300 people in the building at the same time. No one else said anything about these black shadows. Only mum. I wanted to so badly put my hand up and ask but I didn't want to look insane and was too scared in the end. Me and mum talked about it the next day and she said she could see them as soon as Sue (the medium) came on stage. I didn't until approx 20 minutes in.
My mum is quite spiritual, she hears voices and has visions so this didn't surprise me. I am glad she saw too as it would probably have done more harm then good for me alone, in the state I had been in (bouts of depression) and I think my partner would be well aware of that too lol:) So... Are we both insane? Or is this the sign I have been looking for to tell me that there is a afterlife, and my partner is there and he is happy and fine? I haven't experienced anything like it before. I have heard that black shadows are a negative spirit/demon, but I didn't feel scared at all after I told mum I could see something. I have also been told that it takes a lot of energy for a spirit to appear to us, and a lot for us to see them so this explains shadows?
Since this occurred, I have had just one bad day, considering the anniversary to my partners death is just 4 days away I am coping a lot better then I ever anticipated. Times had been really rough until that Friday at the show. I would love to know others thoughts:) on this and the visions just before sleep...
Sorry for my rambles, and thank you for reading this far!