I really just wanted to share this with all the readers and posters on this sight. I am so excited by it, I hope you enjoy it.
If you read my previous experience, "Grandpa's Goodbye", you'd know my grandpa and I were very close.
One of the things my grandpa shared with me and no other grand kids, were the times he and I would go out to his garden and plant bulbs. We would plant mostly tulips and narcissus. We would have such fun planting and watching things grow.
My grandfather was a smoker. He loved his pipe and he also chewed. Sometimes, he'd smoke non-filtered cigarettes too. Mostly, he loved his pipe. I also picked up the cigarette habit when I was younger. When I was 28 years old, grandpa began having health issues directly related to his smoking. He had suffered a stroke and had to have by-pass surgery. He was a strong man, and by giving up smoking he regained most of his health. He loved me so much he asked me to please quit smoking. I loved him so much too, but... Quit smoking? So I told him that I would quit when I was 30 years old. When I said that to him, his face lit up and he asked me to promise him that at 30, I would quit. I promised. Ok, the really bad part? I didn't keep my promise. I'm 51 now and still smoking.
The past few months, I have begun having health issues, directly related to my smoking. Yesterday (1/6/2011), I had a doctor's appointment to go over some test results and to discuss a plan of action. For the past several weeks, we've been talking about my quitting smoking. I arrived at the doctor's office, signed in and had a seat. Next to the seat, was a booklet about quitting smoking. I picked it up and started reading it. It gave suggestions for helping and one of those was to go home and throw out all of your ashtrays. I immediately thought to "I am not throwing away my ashtray! I got that ashtray from my grandpa and I'm not throwing it away!"
As I sat with the doctor, we were discussing quitting when I told her, I would not throw away my ashtray from my grandpa and that I was supposed to quit at 30 because I had promised him and didn't. She said that was ok, I didn't have to throw it out, and that I could find another use for it. Then she started talking about the tools she would give me, the pill, the patch, and the gum, whatever I needed. I said, yes, those would be helpful and then the doctor said to me, "I know what we can do with grandpa's ashtray! We can put narcissus and bulbs in it!" She paused for a second and looked at me. "Why did I say narcissus and bulbs, when what I was thinking was 'frame it'?" I stared at her. Did she really just say that? She said again, "I was thinking frame it. Where did that come from?" I told her about grandpa and the garden!
We both knew my grandpa was there and that he was the one that made her say it. It was him! I absolutely know it was. He is showing me that he is here to give me all the support and help I need to quit. I think he's even forgiven me for breaking my promise. I have been in sort of shock since yesterday.
I have been so stressed and worried about quitting. Sometimes I even think I can't do it. After yesterday, I have a renewed strength and determination to succeed. My grandpa is helping! It gave me confirmation of the path I am to take.
Do you think I am being ridiculous or do you think Grandpa is here watching and forgives me? Would love to hear what you think. Thanks for your time.