Alright, so I'm in the middle of a mental block. I have no idea how to turn my abilities back on, or how to open up again, and it's freaking me out. I feel like I'm stuck. I'm 15 years old, my name is Willow. I was born on Friday the 13th. Since I was around 4 years old I've had psychic experiences/abilities, and at age 9 they started to strengthen. Between the ages of 10 and 13 and a half I reached the peak of my abilities, so far. I was my own person, and I didn't care what others thought of me.
I used to be quite the empath, so to speak. But for a long time I was only like that with the people closest to me. I remember I had a best friend, Gracie. She was more of a sister. I knew her like the back of my own hand. She was always constantly in pain emotionally, and for me, it radiated off of her. I felt her pains, I felt her passions, I felt her fears, I felt her love, etc. I was so sensitive to her emotions, and pretty sensitive to others' too, just not as much. You could almost say I could read her mind, in an emotional aspect. But her pain hurt me more, I think, than herself. Upon feeling these terrible things, I spiraled into a deep depression that lasted for about 1 year or 2, maybe.
My friends and I used to do a lot of séances and I, personally, had a lot of my own visions, experiences, and premonitions. I always had this ringing in my ears, like this buzzing trying to get my attention. At night, I would hear whispering, and a lot of the time I could only make out fragments. Along with that, I also used to have these fits of hysteria and outrage because I would become washed over with extreme amounts of energy, I can't explain the feeling. It was both incredible and terrifying. This happened frequently. But during these outcries, I would laugh uncontrollably, scream, dig my nails into my skin, rock back and forth, etc. I couldn't control it. The energy I was feeling was just way too overwhelming. Now, however, I have gained control of it and well, the bottom line is that I don't let the energy in whatsoever. I've learned to completely block it out.
I remember I used to predict things, usually having to do with the weather and disasters. Once, my friends were over and we were just hanging out, snacking. When I was younger I was often times left home alone because my mother worked long and late shifts at work. Anyway, I got this really, overwhelming bad feeling in my gut. I screamed at everyone to hurry into my mom's bathroom (it didn't have any windows), and I grabbed bottles of water, canned food, a radio, some batteries, my cell phone, some pillows and blankets, and other essentials. I locked the doors, and shut the bathroom door behind me. 5 minutes later, we could hear the pitter patter of rain on the roof, and then it started thundering. I turned on the radio to learn that there were bad tornado warnings.
When I was 11, my mom's boyfriend bought me a Ouija board and naturally the first thing we asked it was "What's your name?" It replied, "Belial." I had no idea who that was at that time, and neither did my friends or parents. I just recently researched the name. My friend asked him, "Do you want to go outside?" There was no response, but right afterwards every light in my mom's bedroom (the room directly across from us) turned on by themselves. One of the lamps that turned on was unplugged. Anyways, that was it for the night as you can imagine. Haha. Two days later, on a Sunday, two of my closest friends and I decided to play it again. The only thing it told us was that 1 person we knew would die each month. Surely, the very next day my best friend's brother got into a motorcycling accident and died on impact. Poor thing, he was only 17. (R.I.P. Harshal.) The following months I watched as people both friends and family of my closest friends were taken away from them. I was the only one untouched, no one I knew died. This continued and didn't stop until the new year.
Around the time I got my Ouija board, I also bought a Talisman. It's commonly known as the Tree of Life. I put it away, and kind of forgot about it. I just found it a month ago, and decided to activate and charge it- energy wise. A couple days ago, it started to get darker? And I have no idea why. But it's darker, nonetheless. I would really like someone to explain to me why. And don't say it's the metal, or something like that. I know that's not the cause because it happened in like a day. Really rapidly, it started getting darker. Weird.
The reason I'm using all of these examples is because I was psychic, and I didn't do anything special or call upon those things. They just naturally occurred. These happenings are normal for me, and a part of me I could say. Being psychic is just in my nature. I'm not saying that I don't have much to learn, or that I know it all. Just that to an extent, I was naturally psychic. But now, it seems as though all of those things have been turned off, an effect of myself I'm guessing. I think I've subconsciously pushed everything out because secretly I was scared of it, and realized that most normal people weren't psychic. And well, that's the thing I wanted to be more than anything else in the world at the time. To be normal, like everyone else. Now, however, I know that that's not who I am. But how do I open my mind up to my original state again? How do I turn it on and unblock everything? I'm in desperate need of anyone's opinions, advice and help. Please, I'm begging. Lately, I can feel it calling to me subconsciously. That need to be turned back on, because it's who I am and a part of me. I've spiraled into a depression of my own, the past couple months and I have a feeling it's because of this. I'm begging you. PLEASE HELP.: (Everything is gone, who I am is gone. It's been taken away by none other than myself.