I have been seeing a man on and off for about nine months, during which he has stayed over roughly a dozen times (he lives out of town). He is an emotionally distant person, difficult to get close to though he occasionally opens up. An ex girlfriend apparently called him "emotionless".
The first time I had what felt like an out of body experience while sleeping next to him was different to the two times that came after. In this first episode, which happened immediately following the first time we had sex properly (though neither of us finished off), I found myself thrown up and down the bed while he (or his astral body) copulated ferociously on top of me with a look of demonic enjoyment on his face that certainly hadn't been there when we'd been properly awake in our physical bodies. Sometimes he was on me, sometimes off me, and I flashed fast between different positions on the bed before being overcome by a feeling of intense heaviness and tiredness and sinking down to the position where I really lay sleeping. I jerked fully awake in a panic and sat up. He was fast asleep beside me, face down. After some deep breaths I lay down and went back to sleep without further incident.
When we woke a few hours later he reported he'd slept badly and had a nightmare about a friend being killed in a road accident. I mentioned I felt I might have had an out of body experience, being careful to leave his involvement out of it, and his cynical, impatient reaction told me I'd have done better to say nothing (he's very open minded about most things but has no spiritual belief at all).
The two incidences since have been more frightening.
The second time was after we'd had a good evening together, getting on well and enjoying ourselves. It would have been the eighth or ninth time he stayed over. We went to sleep after having sex (again not to completion, I've had troubles in this department and he used to try and hold off until I'd gone first). As I fell asleep facing away from him I felt him put his arms around me. I smiled. Next thing I knew the arms were pulling me towards him really strongly, the hands pinching and grabbing hard at my flesh and then I was being shaken. In alarm I turned to see what on earth he was doing only to see him asleep with his back to me. I had a deep breath and lay down facing him. I must have turned over again at some point and the next thing I knew it was happening again. I opened my eyes and felt as if I was fully conscious as I pried the strong hands from me as they literally kneaded and pinched and shook me in a vicious manner. I sat up and turned to my boyfriend; I could see him asleep with his back to me still but I could also see the transparent dark grey arms coming from him so I tried to push them back into him. The harder I pushed them, the more they vibrated and shook. As they got smaller it became so as they weren't going back into him but were between my hands. As I strained to close my hands around whatever this was they became denser until they stopped being grey and became a ball of dimly glowing light, like a cigarette end but smooth. I squeezed it with all my might, just with one hand now, until it vanished as though I had crushed it out of existence.
I lay back down again. I felt safe to face away as I felt I had just killed whatever had been there. I remember wondering if it had been something from inside my boyfriend, something caused by my own projections towards him or something completely other which the sum of our simultaneous presences somehow manifested.
I said nothing at all to him in the morning, and he reported having slept reasonably well. The two times he stayed round after that passed without further incident.
A couple of nights ago he came round again at very short notice. I had been visiting my family over the weekend, which always distresses me, and had got back home only a few hours before his arrival. He was very depressed himself due to a horrible couple of weeks. In addition to being upset by my family I also made the mistake of drunkenly probing into his feelings and intentions to me, and didn't like his answers (apparently I'm just a "friend with benefits"). I ended up crying at him, pretending for the sake of my dignity that it was entirely because of my family. Though he'd said in the past that he hates girls crying he did quite a good job of comforting me. When we went to bed I ended up crying again while he tried to have sex with me, which he bore with patiently, then finally I calmed down and we were able to carry on. Though there was no way I was going to get anything from it in the state I was in I strongly encouraged him to finish rather than wait on me so he did.
[I know this isn't supposed to be a relationship-problems story, I'm just trying to provide context for the purposes of diagnosing what it could be about me / him / us that is creating these phenomena.]
Naturally he went straight to sleep afterwards but it took me longer. I did a couple of hours of drifting in and out of consciousness then got up to go to the toilet. I remember feeling despair and resentment towards him as I climbed back in beside him. It felt like there was a lot of distance, and like things would never be right. I tried to tell myself to stop being so negative, and that I was blowing things out of all proportion. I lay very close to him to get warm and to feel more positive but there was no sense of reciprocation as I drifted off.
After a while I became aware of the hands, the ones I thought I had crushed out of existence the last time. There wasn't much sense this time of them initially going round me; it was straight into the grabbing and pinching and shaking. Again and again I pried them off me. When I had gathered sufficient energy I sat and turned round to start the business of crushing them away again but they withdrew by themselves and I saw my so called boyfriend get up, quickly put his clothes on, take his phone in his hand and rapidly descend the ladder (my bed is in an attic above my bedroom). I could also see him still asleep beside me in the bed. I got up, presumably in my astral body or similar though I felt fully conscious. I was in the grip of extreme fear that I might end up killing him by trying to sort this all out and get back to normal.
I think it must have been this fear of somehow killing him that made me not look towards where he was in the room, though I could sense him over there with the bead of light inside, but instead go out of my bedroom door and into the hallway, shutting it behind me.
I should state here that I'm not sure whether I went further away than ever from what I'm used to at this point or whether I simply re-entered my physical body without waking and my experience seamlessly became a dream. It didn't feel like dreams usually feel, but at the same time I can't rule out it's having been one.
Once alone in the hallway everything was really solid looking, not like the slight psychedelic of the few other times I had astrally walked around near where I lay sleeping. However the ceiling was low and seemed to get lower, though you couldn't see it moving. All the time I could sense my boyfriend still in my room and it felt that something catastrophic would occur if I went back in. There was a flight of stairs continuing upwards from the top of the usual staircase, though it isn't there when I'm in my physical body. A man was descending from it who was snakelike in the feeling he gave you but had nothing in his eyes. I moved further out into the hallway. There was another man sitting on the floor, older than the first. I somehow had the idea that if I could crush these men down until their balls of light went out of existence then I could stop all this from happening without having to hurt my boyfriend. So I dragged the man from the stairs down to the floor and started to jump on his head while smashing the older man's head off the radiator on the wall. They simply bounced and seemed unaffected by what I was doing, as though they were nothing at all despite feeling physically solid. They certainly couldn't be condensed down to balls of light. I left them where they were. I was going to walk down the stairs to take myself further away from where my boyfriend was but before I could do it the most terrible fright came over me. I looked at the wall above the descending flight of stairs and very clearly thought: "This is what it must feel like to be schizophrenic". I think I fully realized at that moment that I wasn't properly awake because I had the thought that if I did wake up I would be schizophrenic for real. I stood with the terrors washing over me of either killing my boyfriend if I stayed in astral (?) land or of being clinically mad in front of him if I woke in the physical world. Then I did wake in my bed with a massive jolt of fright and a racing heart but luckily I was no less sane than I had been before. My boyfriend seemed deeply asleep.
In the morning I said nothing about any of it, of course. For the first time in ages we didn't cuddle at all but got straight up. He reported having "slept rough". Though he stayed for two cups of tea we didn't say a lot to each other and there was a feeling of distance between us as he left. I have spent the last two days feeling devastated not only by the fact that my relationship is obviously more rubbish than I had previously thought but also by the fact that ectoplasmic hands grab in an intentionally hurtful way from seemingly inside of the man I was falling in love with.
I slept in the same bed as both of my previous long term boyfriends many more times than I so far have with this man and I never experienced anything like this with either of them. Nor with any other person I have lain down and slept beside, whatever the context. Three times is too many to ignore and I just don't know what to think or do.