In 1993 I had a special friend. He was about 16 and I was 12. My mom finally let me travel without her for the first time this summer. Well I would go to the house I knew he would be in just to be near him. He was a friend of my older cousins and much more respectful and responsible. Well one day I was getting ready to travel to see my friend and my mother stopped me, told me I could not go that day. I was like why, she said because I said so! I was so angry I did not leave my room or speak to my mother for 2 days, the next day I asked and she said NO, well now I was just confused. The third day I stayed in bed, feeling numb, weak, sick. Did not want to visit my friend, this day was the beginning of adulthood for me, It was the first day of my cycle. My cousin came over and teased me, when the phone rang, My other cousin and my special friend had been shot, and my special friend was dead! I get really sick when someone is dying, feels just like the flu! Used to be people close to me, but now it's relatives of people that I'm close to.
Next time this happen I was 23, my boyfriend and I were not getting along and he would leave me in his house for hours, well one day he left me and I woke up in the bed really scared, feeling numb, cold, shaking! I KNEW IT WAS DEATH! I called him and told him to come home and he did! 2 months later he was shot to death on his mother's block.
I had a dream my cousin got shot, my chest burnt, I cried and when I woke up I had a sore chest, 10 years later he got shot in his back, came out of his chest! What should I do about all this tragedy around me? Is this a gift? The sickness I feel when someone will die is too strong! It is hurting me!