My story is a mixture of mental health issues and the discovery of my own psychic abilities. It has been a complicated life. Please, bare with me, everything in this story is true and I would greatly appreciate any comments. I am still a very lost soul.
This is a shortened version, broken into two parts. The whole story would honestly take so long to read, I doubt any of you'd still pay attention.:)
Part 1: A little background.
Part 2: Discovering my abilities. (You can skip to this if you want!)
My life has been depressing. My childhood especially. Aside from the typical drama about abusive parents, I was also diagnosed with cancer at an early age. I spent several years in and out of the hospital, it was an abnormal upbringing to say the least. I've never had close friends, anyone to confide in. I have always felt "disconnected" from the world in a way that I can't quite explain. Like a traveler in another country.
The chemo made me look. Strange. As you can imagine. When I finally returned to school it was hard for me to really care about anything because of the teasing, bullying. I eventually dropped out and became a total shut-in for nearly 5 years. I was more depressed than you can possibly imagine.
Later, I gathered the courage to break out of my shell and set out into the world. I've made a lot of "progress." I'm currently in college and have been in a few relationships. The last serious relationship has been quite some time ago, I loved her dearly. But I drove her away. My moodswings.
I've been diagnosed ADHD, Bipolar, Gifted, OCD - You name it, I've had a mental health official pin it on me. They have never, ever been of much service to me. Still carrying the pain in my heart from losing her, I started obsessing about the causes of things like ADHD/Bipolar. I eventually stumbled across food allergies/sensitivities.
I gave up man-made food, almost completely, and started eating nothing but natural things. My moodswings dwindled and eventually almost came to a complete halt - I'm a new person now, though still quite a bit cynical - and a mild case of identity confusion.
Something else started to develop. Apparently, my sensitivity isn't just limited to what I put in or on my body, but who I am around and the mood they're in. This is where it gets strange.
I get very, very intense vibes from people. For example, when in the presence of my mother's boyfriend my entire body becomes stiff. He has this type of negative energy that I swear my body picks up on, and then decides to brace itself for attack. I can feel him come in her house. I am worried for her safety.
I don't know what to make of it. But sometimes I can literally see energy around people. A slight glow. It is VERY hard for me to pinpoint and describe entirely, but I have seen yellow fields around some people. White around others, and a dingy black/gray around a few. Yellow is the easiest for me to see, for whatever reason.
Mostly these energy fields can't be seen. But felt. Like being within a certain range of someone and being able to tell what they are feeling.
Sometimes it's like I know just what to say to someone. What they're going through. How to relieve a situation by a few words, a joke, something - It just happens. I barely think/try and all of a sudden the issue has been resolved.
I can feel when someone is attracted to me. If a woman is around me who thinks I am cute, I can literally feel her desire. I have even experienced this with other men. (I am not gay, but I have no problem with people who are.)
Sometimes it's like I can see right through people. Acknowledge their intentions.
Sometimes I can FEEL their physical intent, as well.
For example, at work I was joking around with a new fellow and he didn't understand I was joking with him. He was a little angry. He walked around me to go outside and take a smoke break. I felt a punch hit me in the right side of my ribcage a few moments before he came in close proximity. He didn't - But he thought about - hitting me in the side. I felt the attack before it happened. This has happened several times with different people/different situations.
Those are just a few minor examples. The main thing is, and I swear this is true: I can sometimes hear the thoughts of other people. It's never too complex, usually just a single word, a couple of words or a single sentence. This is the thing that is most frightening to me. I don't hear them as if they are literally saying it in my ear, but the voice is faint and "heard" when they are looking directly at me. It's like some sort of signal they emit.
It's easy to figure out the source when they're looking right at you - More rarely I will "hear" the thoughts of someone to my side or behind me.
Am I just crazy? Is this some form of hypersensitive empathy? Are some people just naturally sensitive to the world? Maybe avoiding man-made foods, chemicals & pollutants is a way psychics can better focus on their abilities?
In retrospect, I have *always* been this way to some degree or another but I never paid it too much attention until I started taking care of my body better and avoiding the foods/chemicals that trigger ADHD/Bipolar/Mood symptoms. Before when these things happened, I would rule them off as nonsense - Now they are becoming a part of my daily life and they cannot be ignored any more. It's as if cleansing my body is heightening my mental capabilities.
It all seems a bit overwhelming, truthfully. I am still rather reclusive and undecided on where to take my life from here. Every outting nowadays has some sort of experience related to the above. Some more extreme/intense than others.
Sometimes I think I'm just crazy. (I have a lot of people that would agree!) I had to bring it here, right now. Can someone please offer me something, anything?