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The Broken Mirror

 

My story is a mixture of mental health issues and the discovery of my own psychic abilities. It has been a complicated life. Please, bare with me, everything in this story is true and I would greatly appreciate any comments. I am still a very lost soul.

This is a shortened version, broken into two parts. The whole story would honestly take so long to read, I doubt any of you'd still pay attention.:)

Part 1: A little background.

Part 2: Discovering my abilities. (You can skip to this if you want!)

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[1.]

My life has been depressing. My childhood especially. Aside from the typical drama about abusive parents, I was also diagnosed with cancer at an early age. I spent several years in and out of the hospital, it was an abnormal upbringing to say the least. I've never had close friends, anyone to confide in. I have always felt "disconnected" from the world in a way that I can't quite explain. Like a traveler in another country.

The chemo made me look. Strange. As you can imagine. When I finally returned to school it was hard for me to really care about anything because of the teasing, bullying. I eventually dropped out and became a total shut-in for nearly 5 years. I was more depressed than you can possibly imagine.

Later, I gathered the courage to break out of my shell and set out into the world. I've made a lot of "progress." I'm currently in college and have been in a few relationships. The last serious relationship has been quite some time ago, I loved her dearly. But I drove her away. My moodswings.

I've been diagnosed ADHD, Bipolar, Gifted, OCD - You name it, I've had a mental health official pin it on me. They have never, ever been of much service to me. Still carrying the pain in my heart from losing her, I started obsessing about the causes of things like ADHD/Bipolar. I eventually stumbled across food allergies/sensitivities.

I gave up man-made food, almost completely, and started eating nothing but natural things. My moodswings dwindled and eventually almost came to a complete halt - I'm a new person now, though still quite a bit cynical - and a mild case of identity confusion.

Something else started to develop. Apparently, my sensitivity isn't just limited to what I put in or on my body, but who I am around and the mood they're in. This is where it gets strange.

[2.]

I get very, very intense vibes from people. For example, when in the presence of my mother's boyfriend my entire body becomes stiff. He has this type of negative energy that I swear my body picks up on, and then decides to brace itself for attack. I can feel him come in her house. I am worried for her safety.

I don't know what to make of it. But sometimes I can literally see energy around people. A slight glow. It is VERY hard for me to pinpoint and describe entirely, but I have seen yellow fields around some people. White around others, and a dingy black/gray around a few. Yellow is the easiest for me to see, for whatever reason.

Mostly these energy fields can't be seen. But felt. Like being within a certain range of someone and being able to tell what they are feeling.

Sometimes it's like I know just what to say to someone. What they're going through. How to relieve a situation by a few words, a joke, something - It just happens. I barely think/try and all of a sudden the issue has been resolved.

I can feel when someone is attracted to me. If a woman is around me who thinks I am cute, I can literally feel her desire. I have even experienced this with other men. (I am not gay, but I have no problem with people who are.)

Sometimes it's like I can see right through people. Acknowledge their intentions.

Sometimes I can FEEL their physical intent, as well.

For example, at work I was joking around with a new fellow and he didn't understand I was joking with him. He was a little angry. He walked around me to go outside and take a smoke break. I felt a punch hit me in the right side of my ribcage a few moments before he came in close proximity. He didn't - But he thought about - hitting me in the side. I felt the attack before it happened. This has happened several times with different people/different situations.

Those are just a few minor examples. The main thing is, and I swear this is true: I can sometimes hear the thoughts of other people. It's never too complex, usually just a single word, a couple of words or a single sentence. This is the thing that is most frightening to me. I don't hear them as if they are literally saying it in my ear, but the voice is faint and "heard" when they are looking directly at me. It's like some sort of signal they emit.

It's easy to figure out the source when they're looking right at you - More rarely I will "hear" the thoughts of someone to my side or behind me.

Am I just crazy? Is this some form of hypersensitive empathy? Are some people just naturally sensitive to the world? Maybe avoiding man-made foods, chemicals & pollutants is a way psychics can better focus on their abilities?

In retrospect, I have *always* been this way to some degree or another but I never paid it too much attention until I started taking care of my body better and avoiding the foods/chemicals that trigger ADHD/Bipolar/Mood symptoms. Before when these things happened, I would rule them off as nonsense - Now they are becoming a part of my daily life and they cannot be ignored any more. It's as if cleansing my body is heightening my mental capabilities.

It all seems a bit overwhelming, truthfully. I am still rather reclusive and undecided on where to take my life from here. Every outting nowadays has some sort of experience related to the above. Some more extreme/intense than others.

Sometimes I think I'm just crazy. (I have a lot of people that would agree!) I had to bring it here, right now. Can someone please offer me something, anything?

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, thewordmeh, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

mazab84 (2 stories) (71 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-15)
Thewordmeh-I am also known to be up until the late hours although I have a 5year old who is an early riser. I find in my own personal experience being an Empath & functioning through the day with all the different energies & over-bearing emotions, the night brings a sense of peace. Its a chance for me to ground myself. I analyze what's relevent for that day then move onto clearing myself of the lasting affects. If I don't do this I don't feel balanced if that makes sense?

There was once upon a time I would take to bed for days at a time because of the negative influences around me. I just could not stop myself from picking up on absoloutley every emotion & train of thought around me. I think its affected me in every aspect of my life. Crowds are intimidating, that's quite a typical example. Dealing with people flock to you with their problems was up until recently a real obstacle. I too am allergic to drama but my goodness its always there in mass along with the deceit. I had to say enough was enough & seek guidance. I could no longer continue. I (not to sound over dramatic) literally felt like they were sucking my very life force from me. I now set boundaries. Take every bit of advice & mold it so it works for me in real life. I meditate more & choose better company I keep around me where possible.I've also learned to let go of things (easier said than done) which is a tool you have to use with being an Empath. Seperating what's your thoughts & feelings & what's not. I would do little exercises which make me giggle now I think about it.Like,picking up on others energies, removing myself&feel it ware off, step back again feel it return. That made me realise that I can do it. I do not need to hold onto everything until I feel like combusting.

I'm not done yet I have a lot of learning & a lot of new challenges up ahead. I deal with my precognition better aswell as my empathy. I write a lot & pour it all onto paper. Its an immense release. But again that's my personal experience as like a lot of others I don't have anybody in person to do an exchange with. I shield myself & that's helped me a lot & it works. I feel my interaction with spirit is increasing rapidly. Thats something i'm now needing to address as i'm not sure if its because i'm coping better so my gifts developing. I still have my days where I want to take to my bed close the curtains & hide but that's not how I deal with it anymore & I think that's what counts. I feel empowered. I don't feel like a freak anymore. I embrace my gift for what it is (only regret is taking so long to do so). I honestly don't know who I would be without it. As its served me well also. I just focus on being positive & raising my vibrations.

You see auras, I can identify with that as much as have rarely seen them but it interests me. I can totally relate to your other experiences.
Love & Light 😊
IslVoter (257 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-15)
thewordmeh--

I'm reading and re-reading your post. I'm not sure where I talked about separating their emotions from what they experienced.

I think you may have misinterpreted what I was saying. The shielding, the separating YOUR emotions from those around you--was not for the benefit of society, or to discount any of it. It is to make you be able to still function in life and to be able to distinguish between your own emotions from those of others. Those who are empathic often have this problem. I was seeing that in some of your descriptions, but perhaps that is not right?

I didn't finish typing the last sentence, though, about the Counting Coup. I have a Native American guide. I am not (Native American) so I had to learn about a lot of symbols I was being given over the internet.

But one reading I had talked about having accomplished the Counting Coup. They said that it was the single most difficult task of your physical life, and you (I) had accomplished it.

I know you feel you have many other hurdles, but just stop for a minute and give yourself credit for overcoming this most difficult of all tasks---finding your way out of abuse, illness, dispair and questions of your mental health--to find your spiritual root.

However difficult the rest will be until the end of your life, you have already accomplished the most difficult. For me that was very...reassuring, given my past state of mind.

As for how medical science or psychiatrist or psychologists would see you--fuggettabout it!:) Don't fix their "diagnosis" in our consciousness. It is just another fear. I'm not saying don't deal with reality, and if you feel you need help from psychologists, get it. But don't take the diagnoses as gospel, that's all.

The physical things happening to me affected my brain--basically flooding it with too much ammonia. It was very damaging, but once I began to heal what had been depleted by the life-long stresses, that began to wane too.

Anyway, I was not trying to say that you take those steps in order to appease society. You have the gifts you have. You just need to make sure that they don't unbalance the physical body you are in. We are all learning to deal with a higher energy pattern (light) and still not do damage to our physical bodies. Having the right attitude can overcome that barrier.

Isle - Lora

P.S. I didn't bother to comment on what gifts you seem to show. I assumed you might already know most of them--empath, seeing auras, etc. There are many who can help you "label" them--although I'm not sure how important that is. You are unique and your gifts will be unique.

You're doing great. Keep it up.
thewordmeh (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-14)
Kathryn26:

Wow, lots of info about auras. I'm going to end up reading up on all of that now. Out of all the things I wrote about, seeing these colors around people is probably the least eventful thing.

Reading your description on the aura color yellow, I find it interesting that's the color I've seen most often (though still rare).

I probably see yellow the most because those are the type of people a person like me needs in their life! I'd just about kill (not literally) for an optimistic personality to rub off on me. I am pretty negative and very hard on myself. Maybe opposites really do attract? That's a funny thought.

.

Mazab84:

I didn't think your post had poor formatting or anything.:) Funny that you're up at 2:30am though - I have a serious "problem" with staying up entirely too late. For whatever reason, I feel more alive at night. If I could, I'd make it a lifestyle. I'm not some whiny vampire wannabe or anything, I genuinely just appreciate those hours. It's more quiet, comfortable. Darkness sort of envelopes you in a type of blanket. Daytime always feel extra stressful for me. But now I'm rambling!

Reading your post has inspired me to begin visiting this website on a regular basis. Maybe reading the stories of others and expressing my opinions in this type of community will help me become more comfortable in my own skin and help me accept this side of myself rather than question my sanity.

I am curious as to how your hypersensitivity has effected different aspects of your life. Whether it has held you back in any way. I often find the negativity of others very draining. It's like I'm allergic to drama. Hah! It's disheartening to come to terms with the fact that other people's negativity/drama/lies/etc is something I'm just going to have to come to terms with. I'm sure you can relate, if you're like me.
thewordmeh (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-14)
IslVoter:

Thanks for your comments! One thing stood out, you said some people separate their emotions from the things they witness/experience. I think I still do this to some degree - The entire thing seems a bit surreal.

It seems like most people would be amazed at experiencing these types of things. I'm not sure how I feel, really. If I could control it or had a better understanding of it that would be great, but right now... Even talking about it here feels strange to me. Like I'm exposing some secret, something that may be laughed at or rejected, not taken seriously or even attacked.

This shielding may be rooted in the depths of society's influence over things of this nature being considered "nonsense" or "evil" and the like. Having a history of mental health issues obviously isn't helping me cope. Can you imagine me trying to tell a psychiatrist these things? Hah!

Anyway, you said you were trying to avoid negativity - Me too - I haven't watched any substantial amount of television in almost two years.

It really helps clear my mind...

I'm going to work on trying to picture my ideal life. It'll be hard at first, as I have no idea what would make me happy. As for my new talents, I guess time will tell.
mazab84 (2 stories) (71 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-14)
I honestly felt striking similarities between us increasing as I read your story right through. From your childhood to your health issues & your gift. I find you do what I do. I know what's really going on with me but I came onto this site for that reassurance that's lacking in other aspects of my life.I'm an Empath that i'm aware of now but before I questioned my sanity.I'm hyper sensitive to everyone & everything & too know the thought patterns of people I encounter. I took medication for many years that blocked out my psychic ability & I now feel i'm experiencing a spiritual reawakening. Everythings came back but more intense (which brings a new set of problems with it having nobody to talk to) & i'm now having visions reguarly & picking up other energys & thought patterns when nobody else is around. So my interaction with spirit isn't limited to premonitions anymore. Thats what i'm struggling with at the moment & am looking for the guidance there. I just started to deal with being an empath & applying coping strategies there. I now wonder if the new things are part & parcel of being an empath or if it comes under a different title so to speak.

Forgive me for the poor format of my post. Its 2:30am where I am but I had to post. I admire your courage & how self aware you are. I don't want to make my reply drag on but would really like to hear from you & share experiences. I come on here everyday to check for new stories by people like me. People that perhaps have answers for my questions & in turn I could offer insight into theirs. You are very brave an sincere. The honesty in your experiences makes me realise that i'm not the only one with the background I have with the abilities ontop.
Sending love & light,
Marie
Kathryn26 (6 stories) (16 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-14)
Hello 😊

What you have described here makes me think you have the ability to see peoples auras.

The human aura is an energy field that reflects the subtle life energies within the body. These energies make us what we are and in turn are affected by our surroundings and life style. The aura reflects our health, mental activity and emotional state. It also shows disease - often long before the onset of symptoms.

Close to the skin is the etheric aura. It is seen as a pale, narrow band that outlines the body, usually no more than half an inch wide. It looks like pale smoke clinging to the body. This is the visible part of the etheric body in it's contracted state. During sleep the etheric body expands greatly and opens to absorb and store cosmic energy. The etheric is better named the vitality sheath or energy body. After sleep it contracts, forming a dense sheath around the body close to the skin.

The main aura is banded around the body - strata like. Imagine a person with thick, coloured hoops of light dropped over them and you get the idea. These colours emanate from the chakras. Basic energy is drawn up from the planet through the feet and fed into the chakras, much like a plant does with water. Each chakra is a transformer that generates energy of a different type and colour. The strength of each chakra depends on the person's nature and life style. Together these chakras generate the dominant hue of the aura. -http://www.worldtrans.org/spir/aura.html

This is a great gift to have, a lot of people have to train themselves to do it. Each person has a different aura, and the colours have meaning. For example you described yellow:

YELLOW AURA COLOR MEANING: Relates to the spleen and life energy. It is the color of awakening, inspiration, intelligence and action shared, creative, playful, optimistic, easy-going.

Light or pale yellow: Emerging psychic and spiritual awareness; optimism and hopefulness; positive excitement about new ideas.

Bright lemon-yellow: Struggling to maintain power and control in a personal or business relationship; fear of losing control, prestige, respect, and/or power.

Clear gold metallic, shiny and bright: Spiritual energy and power activated and awakened; an inspired person.

Dark brownish yellow or gold: A student, or one who is straining at studying; overly analitical to the point of feeling fatigued or stressed; trying to make up for "lost time" by learning everything all at once.

Grey: A very bright, livid grey is linked with fear.
A heavy, dull, muddy grey shows depression.

Black:
-If black is muddied, clouded, or stagnant this may indicate an area of weakness, illness, or depression.
-Black may also simply indicate an area of mystery in that person's life.
-Black, seen as thick clouds, may also show hatred and malice.

Http://www.healing-journeys-energy.com/Aura-meaning-of-color.html

Maybe you should look into this more?

Hope this have helped a little!

❤ 😁
IslVoter (257 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-08-14)
thewordmeh--

First of all, congratulations for making your own way out of this. You may not be ready for it yet, but gradually you will realize that illnesses are symptoms of our own imbalance, spiritually, physically, emotionally. When you begin to deal with those things, it will go.

And congratulations on learning to treat yourself. I can relate to this. I ended up in bed without energy to get up for four years. After many years of tests, MRIs, scans, etc. From all kinds of docs, I eventually did the research myself, discovered what had been going on my whole life. I used amino acids to treat things that had been happening, but, even though they could reduce the symptoms, they didn't truly leave until I began the spiritual work---you know, getting rid of sources of negativity (like thinking about being ill all the time or watching politics!). Some of the symptoms I had turned out to be precursors of OBEs, and so I learned and was able (at least once) to have an Out of body experience. Just that made me know that there were limitless resources of help available that I had discounted or ignored.

Your "awakenings"--or maybe "noticings" might just be because you were focused on illness most of the time.

You can't ignore your own perceptions, but you can state and have an intention to be balanced in the experiencing of these things. Some manage to set boundaries and only allow these things in when they are ready and willing. Others can tune out. Some create shields of protection around themselves so that, although they still witness what is going on, they separate their own emotions from it.

You'll figure it out. Aim for balance and joy in your life. Remind yourself often, picture in your mind what your joyful life would look like--and it will come with time. Spend as much time as you need deciding what your "ideal life" would look like--with these gifts, with girlfriends,friends, work--the whole 9 yards.

You may not realize it, but you have already accomplished a huge feat. The Native Americans call it a Counting Coup--where you rejoice in your victory and give thanks for you.

Good luck with your new life.

Isle - Lora

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