I don't really know if I am a psychic medium but I have had a few signs that I never gave any thought about it until my grandma's recent death. When I was younger, about 11 (I'm 24 now), my great-grandmother passed away, she was about 90 y.o. So it was a bit expected, even so, my grandmother and my mother were very sad. They used to go to a psychic to receive passes and to pray for those who passed away. And that's when I started to learn a little about mediums. They told my mom that she was a medium and that she should start using her gift, she always said "never!" she was mostly scared. Several people told her that in several different occasions. When my great-grandma died she said she saw her coming to her window when she was asleep and opened it and told her she loved her very, very much. My mom decided to believe that it was a dream. My grandmother heard steps in her bedroom at night, later on the psychic told her that her mother was visiting her at night and that my grandma should pray for her to find her way back to the light (my grandma used to bring her mother spaghetti every Sunday and stay with her, when she died, my grandma couldn't believe it and cried a lot on her casket asking "who am I going to bring spaghetti on Sundays to?"). At that time I was scared of seeing my great-grandma, I avoided my grandma's room, and I tried not to think of her, but that was the first time I heard about spirits getting in touch with humans. Since then I started to admire and show some interest in Spiritism, at the time I lived in Uberaba, MG - Brazil, and that's where Chico Xavier is from, he is one of the most renowned mediums in the world, he followed Alan Kardec's doctrine and was considered an amazing, generous person and wrote several books through spirits. Anyways, after a while, my brother had a stroke when he was only 19, and my mother was very sad, naturally, since he had lost a lot of movement on his right side. She started getting some people's opinion (without asking!), once she was in the supermarket with my brother and this woman came and told her that he was being followed by this evil little boy and that she should take him to a voodoo center to send the boy on his way. My mom was shocked and told her to go away. Some other lady (that she knew) who practiced voodoo, too, told my mom that what happened to my brother was the works of someone who was trying to reach my mom in a bad way, but since my mom was very spiritual and loving he was unable to get to her, they tried me but I was too energetic and 'happy' for them to get to me, but my brother was a quiet, passive young man and not very spiritual so he was the perfect spot for evil to settle in. My mom was nervous about that but decided to believe and instead of going to a voodoo center she went to a Catholic Church and they did some kind of exorcism and soon enough my brother was fine (took him almost a year to get his movements back, though). That was 8 years ago.
Last year my grandma was suffering from DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and a wound started to grow and took over her entire lower right leg. My mom never had much money, but for some reason she thought I HAD TO spend new years with them in Brazil so she bought my ticket herself! I was so happy because I'd get to see my grandmother who had been in pain for so long and to see my family that were so worried about her. When I got there (after Xmas, last year), when I saw her leg I was shocked! Her leg was rotting, it smell like a dead animal, it was necrotic and done. I was so sad because no one told me it was THAT bad, so I cried most of the time, I prayed a lot for God to relieve her pain, I yelled at everyone of my family for not doing things right for letting her get to this point (I know it wasn't their fault but I was angry and upset. Also it was her decision not to amputate, they couldn't do anything about it -- plus it was unfair that I wanted them to be there 24/7 when I was living 5K miles away).
Later on the week my mom told me that she was having visitors every week and that they were healing spirits and that if I didn't believe I shouldn't watch the visit. I was excited, though, I thought it was cool my grandma had special spirits praying for her. But once they started I was scared, I was scared of them, mainly because I started having bad thoughts! I didn't mean to, I tried to focus on the healing and the good things my grandma's done, she was an amazing, loving woman. But my thoughts were like: "she deserves her pain, she smoked all her life, it's her own fault!", "she is complaining, she should take it all!" I loved my grandmother so much, I didn't understand why I had such bad thoughts! I was nervous too because I didn't want the spirits to hear and be angry at me. But that was only one time, the other times I was able to focus and pray and think good thoughts. One day, my mom wanted us to go to the Spiritism Center to take passes, there we were one of the last ones to be seen, when it was my turn the spirit told me that my grandmother was being healed in a way that I couldn't understand just yet, and that I shouldn't be too sad that she was sick now because it made my mom sad and helpless, and said that they were truly taking care of her, also told me that my mom had asked them to pray for me and that they had visited me here in the U.S., I felt safe. I understood and was thankful for their words, they said I had a good heart, like my mother's (that I didn't know, my mom has a beautiful, strong, loving heart and I didn't think I could be compared to that). They talked to my mom and told her that she should do her the things she needed to do and not to stay so bound to my grandma because they were taking care of her too.
So after that my mom decided to go to the big city too, to take me to the airport (which was 6 hours away from my grandma's city). I was happy to have my mom with me, but I could tell my mom was sad to leave my grandma on other's hands, she trusted them (my uncle and my grandpa) but she felt that my grandma wanted her to take care of her.
I came to the US on January 13. My mom had to stay in the big city for another week or so to resolve some business problems though she was very annoyed that she had to leave my grandma. On January 18th my grandmother passed away. I got to say goodbye. But even though my mom said bye the day we left to the airport, she thought she would see her again. So when my mom found out she died without her being with her she thought God was being unfair to her, she was inconsolable. She had lost all her faith and hopes regarding life. I was so far and wanted to be by her side. I cried almost every day and felt numb for a long time. Though I knew it was going to happen I was upset that my mom, who took care of her for so long, didn't get the end she expected, didn't get to see her mother heal. My mom was so sad that she went to see the woman that was receiving the spirit that helped my grandma. The woman had no idea what was going on, because she doesn't really hear what the spirit says through her so she was sad to know my grandma passed away, but the other lady that also did the sessions said that they knew. They knew the whole time my grandmother was about to go. That it was no coincidence I went to visit in a time of the year I don't usually go, it was no coincidence my mother wasn't there when she passed. She said it was my grandma's spirit that asked to have my mom away because she wouldn't be able to find the light if my mom was there asking her to "live, to stay".
After my mom told me that I was ecstatic, so happy to hear that she finally understood how God works beautifully in our lives.
So I started to look online on how to see or receive a message from my grandma, since my mom was considered a medium by other psychics I thought maybe it was genetic. I decided that the internet wasn't going to help me, that I had to this on my own. I started to cry over my grandma's picture and beg her to come see me, that I was suffering without her. I also started to ask those spirit to come talk to me and tell me what I should do with my life (though I know that's not how they work). Then one night after crying most of the night I felt someone was standing by the door, at first I thought it could be grandma and I was welcoming the thought. But then there was a cool shiver all over me and I thought this didn't feel right. Suddenly I got really scared and was wondering what it was. I knew it wasn't grandma! I covered myself and settled very close to my husband so scared I was, I couldn't move! I felt the thing standing by my bed and tears were rolling but I couldn't move, I couldn't sleep either because I thought that if I fell asleep that thing would do something to me. When morning came I was feeling better but decided not to tell me husband about it and read more articles online about this kind of encounters. A few days later, my husband was acting weird saying he felt this urge to kill someone and that he was undeserving of everything he had. We went to a company party and when we were leaving in a cab he asked us to stop the cab and walk instead and he desperately wanted to leave the cab when I asked him why after we left the cab he said he "had to kill the cab driver", I asked why would you say that he said something really wanted him to and he had no strength against it. I prayed for him and we started to go to the local church. A few weeks after that we were sleeping and he woke me by slapping me and I asked him what was happening but then I realized he was still asleep and talking gibberish, and struggling and thrusting really hard in bed. I tried to wake him up and when I succeeded he just fell right back to sleep. I was so freaked out, in the morning I asked him if he had a nightmare and told him what happened. He said this horrible evil, man was holding his throat and trying to suffocate him. After a long talk we realized that our house was filled with negativity, with anger and sadness. He was scared and I had just given up life.
After going to church and having my mom pray for me, and finally deciding to pray and believe it things started going back to normal and he hasn't had a nightmare since and I never saw the evil again. But lately I have tried really hard to concentrate on the good stuff and trying to be a nice person, but this anger, hatred and anxiety won't leave me alone! I tried to pinpoint the bad stuff in my life and they aren't enough to put me this way. So I'm starting to think that evil spirits are trying to 'haunt' me again. Then I started to think a lot about my grandma and this friend the committed suicide 7 years ago. And I really wanted to understand how mediums work, wondering if I could become one, even though my experiences weren't as evident as others. I want to be able to help others that don't have a clear vision of the spirit world and I'm wondering if it's a gift or if it can be learned. Please let me know your thoughts and sorry about the looooooong story, I just want to make sure everything was very clear, Thanks in advance.