I often find myself second guessing myself about my abilities. I don't even know what to call myself or classify my abilities under. When I express my abilities to others close to me I get a rather negative response or disbelief and this makes me feel like maybe I am the "crazy" one. I will explain some of my experiences and maybe I won't feel so completely lost, or at least I won't feel as though I may burst.
I have never have dreams but when I do they always come true or I will have dreams of places that later I will visit for the first time and think I know that lamp or I have seen that picture frame. Its almost like a picture was taken of something one of a kind in the house. I once had a dream about a light colored wooden ceiling with two fans and an unusual plan hanging from it and that's all but when I woke from this dream I had nothing but anger and frustration for this ceiling, I hated this place whatever it was and it made me feel so beat down. I just shrugged it off as a dream. Months later I found myself working for an older gentlemen and his family, they were abusive and belittling nothing I did was right and even if I did it their way it was still wrong, they just didn't want to be happy and one day I looked up to the ceiling in frustration trying to calm myself from the situation that occurred and there it was in all its glory the light wooden ceiling with both of the fans and the airplane just as I had seen it months before.
I find myself on an emotional roller coaster at times I work in the home health industry and I avoid rooms in my clients homes frequently by the feeling I get when I am in them. Sometime it can be over whelming sadness or anger... Other times its more physical I will feel weak, my stomach will just drop or sometimes I will get almost like a cold zap that I have never experienced in any other situation. I sometimes am compelled to look in a certain direction as though I am looking directly at someone but well there isn't anyone there. I have always felt that there was something dark in my kitchen and only my kitchen whatever and whoever it is only stays there.
Friends and family will visit after they have passed, my uncle visited me for years and I believe he was my guardian angel until his wife, my aunt, passed. Now I don't feel him around as much. In times of hardship though my aunt and uncle always appear I have two picture of a large golden halo around my mother (my aunts sister) at different angles when my father had fallen ill and had to stay in the hospital. It was really the only time she had fallen asleep the entire time he was gone, it was almost like she was calmed. And I felt calm too because I knew my aunt was there.
I had a great friend Nate once that was always giving amazing brotherly advice one thing he had always told me was to not be so closed off to new people, to be more open. I found myself at a Walmart after hearing of a tragic shooting of student I knew and was just beside myself with grief as I walked into the door a very tall man (a real person) came to me told me to smile its okay and to be more open and everything will be okay. The same words Nate had told me so many times before! I instantly froze and thought of Nate and all his advice and how strange that was. The next day I found out Nate had died in a horrible car accident less then a mile from that store I was in at nearly the same time as I had interacted with this tall stranger. I often wonder if that was his last message to me as he knew I looked up to him so much.
I would love to hear some feed back from this. I can't just walk into a room and talk to spirits or know what someone is thinking or even constantly have these experiences, it almost comes and goes as it wants. Do I read too much into things? Do I have untrained gifts? Is this all just circumstance? I am lost.