Relearning Myself

I have experienced strange things since a prepubescent child, but being a part of a certain religion I was never allowed to question them and was taught that it was all the devil and his helpers work. I now am a 25 year old woman and no longer believe that. I am on the path to figuring out who I am, and what I believe. But I know for sure that I do not believe that what I experienced was anything bad.

My first experience - I am not sure if it relates, but things picked up within a short time span after this encounter, so I will share it. I was roughly 6 years old at the time and was sharing a room with my mother. Her bed was propped against one side of the wall, and mine against the opposite. It was the middle of the night and my mum was fast asleep. I was far from alseep, just laying there. I was facing the wall, then turned to the opposite side facing my sleeping mother. What I saw will haunt me until I die. A little girl stared back at me, sitting down next to my mums bed. She emitted a soft glow, and was not a normal colour - she looked like she came straight out of a washed out black and white/old fashioned photo. She was dressed in clothing not of our time, and had beautiful long hair. She just sat and stared. Never moving. Never spoke. This happened in a fraction of a second. I turned away, hiding my face in the pillow. When I gained up enough courage to look back she was gone.

Shortly after that my dreams started. One was of my maternal grandmother, I knew it was her in the dream but her face and body was different. She was a different person in the dream. I was a different person in the dream, but knew this person represented me. We were in a foreign country, in heavy snow, heavy clothing. We were in trouble with no shelter. In the dream I was dying, and she was holding me but couldn't do anything beyond that. The rest of the dream is fuzzy, but I assume I died. I then remember waking up and telling my mother about this dream I had of me and grandma, a dream about our past life together. The reason I bring this dream up is because as I mentioned previously, things like past lives and fortune telling were frowned upon in our family. No one taught me about them, or spoke of anything to do with these topics. How did such a young child know about something like this?

That was the only dream I had of that sort.

The next dream I had as a prepubescent child was of our then male neighbour. In the dream I saw him kissing my mother. I woke up in panic, but eventually forgot. What happened in the follwing year went something like this... My parents divorced, we moved out and my mother ended up having a relationship with our old (now my single fathers) neighbour. He would come over every night, and one night I woke up and busted them kissing on on the couch.

Over the years I grew up to be a very depressed teen, struggling with my emotions. I have had encounters with bad entities over the years. One in particular hung around for a long time.

The dreams have always stuck around. Usually they are warning dreams. As a teen I also developed another sense. I would feel a sense of dread, sometimes for weeks, before a bad event would unknowingly happen.

I feel like a sponge to peoples emotions. I soak them up. I feel what they're feeling. It overwhelms me at times, because I feel like I have built up so much excess emotions over the years and don't know how to get rid of them. It makes me feel toxic within myself.

Can anyone help me. Help me understand everything clearly, and what is going on. I don't know where to start.