This is my first story here, and I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, since I'm Brazilian and sometimes writing in other language than your native can be complicated.
I'll try to give as much details and main the logic of the story. I'll tell you my life story, since I was young I've experience small occurrences that didn't make sense to me and that other people just thought it was my imagination.
- First thing I can remember, I was a complicated kid, I would always like things that weren't consider proper for my age, and after several psychologists, psychiatrists and all, my mom discover that I had a higher IQ than most of the people, which back then seemed to settle as a good explanation for a weird kid. I was about 5-7 I use to have imaginary friends, but eventually I discovered that the man I was talking to was actually my great-grandfather who died more than 30 years ago, and I'm 25 now, so you see my point here. But it wasn't just that, for a while I kind of became him, I liked the same things and was acting like a lived in the past. The don't remember when he vanished from my life, but all the suddenly here wasn't there anymore. A few years later, I start dreaming about him and a women in red that was dancing on his grave, it was on right on the same time that my grandmother's brother (like a bastard child (I know it's not the best way to put it, but it's the only english word I know for that), he was getting close to the family and I found out that the women on the grave was his mother. I don't know why he was getting close to the family, but I knew he needed help, and I talked to my grandfather bout it and he helped him.
- Second is a weird connection that I have with two cemeteries. One makes sense for me, because it's my hometown cemetery, I use to dream about it, but it was a real dream, as I was there, it happened for years and to this day I can walk there with my eyes closed, I feel like there is something there connected to me, waiting for me to show up. I don't know but when I was a kid, I use to go there all the time, because it felt comfortable, like home, more than my own house at the time, and everytime when I was leaving there I use to say a prayer asking for those who needed help to come to me, that I could help them find it. I know it was a mistake, but I know I can help. And the second, it the cemetery on my current city, I live in Belo Horizonte, which is a state capital in Brazil, and here we have a lot of cemeteries, old ones with history and amazing art work. There is this special one that is just near my current house, I open my bedroom window and see it, but its really beautiful. About my relation with it, I moved to Belo Horizonte 8 years ago, and every since I move something just drawn me to it, I use to live in another neighborhood, but I would take a bus downtown and I had to pass near the cemetery, not near the gate, but just somewhere where I could see it as the bus was passing, but if I were to be sleeping when the bus passed near there, I would suddenly wake up, and the feeling as if I needed to go there. I don't know anyone who is buried there, or anything like that, but since I found the perfect house near it, now that I can see it from my house, I something catch myself looking there, waiting for someone to show up, I know I feel deep in my soul there is someone there waiting for me.
- Other thing that I like to mention is my old house, when I lived with my parents, we use to live in a house that they built, so we were the first to live there, a lot of things happened there, all kinds of ghost, entities, spirits, demons and specially bad energy that I don't know what it is, but really bad energy, I would have scratches and injuries because of what use to happen there. We moved out of the house a few years ago and nobody could live there for more than 1 month, saying that whatever was there didn't want anyone around. I know what is there, I feel it, and I still dream with it saying that it will find me and I'm afraid of that.
- I was really close to my grandfather who died 10 years ago, when he was in the hospital almost dying I went to the church near my city cemetery, and I asked for a friend to stay outside, my grandfather was a very religious man, so I prayed for him, for him to live, and when I was praying I felt my great grandfather near me, the one from the first paragraph, I knew he was there, my friend who were outside, her mother is a sensitive women, and she came desperately to me, saying to stop whatever I was doing, because all around the church smelled like jasmine (my great grandfather favorite flower) and along with that there was a terrible smell, like something was decomposing in a jasmine field, my grandfather died less than 48 hours later, I knew when I smelled the jasmine that he was dead, I don't know why I added this part, but I needed to include this, is was a really strong thing that happened to me.
I always felt like an outsider, I know what people are feeling and I notice things that other people don't. I just know things and I don't know how I know it, I know when somebody I like will die, or if the person is sad, if there is a problem. And it's not necessary with people I know, it happens on the street, I look at a person and sometimes only by that I know a lot about the person's life, it's like a just know.
Lately, and that is why I decided to write, I've been drawn to negative energies, they are around me and affecting me more than ever, I can feel anger, anxiety and desire to kill and hurt someone, I'm trying to meditate and stay call and focus on good things. But I can't, I feel like there is a dark force that needs me, that I have to do something about. I don't know what to do. I just feel and hear and know this things and I don't know what to do and how to control, it's affecting my daily life because its making me angry and my body is responding to it. I don't know what to do. I feel embarrassed cause i'm not sure if I make sense, but there are other things that I don't feel really comfortable sharing so openly, so if someone can please help or give me tips on how to control it.
I don't see things, just some shadows eventually but is always to fast, I'm not sure if I can see things, because I used to see, but since I'm too scared of it I don't know if I just blocked. And another important thing, I don't believe in the Bible, or in Jesus and God as the Christians believe, but I believe in a high power and spirits, demons, angels and all that. I just think a little different on who God is, but at the end of the day I know they are all the same.
Sorry if my text was too long, but I tried my best for it to make some sense and to explain what is going on.