For the last two years I've been interested in the Universe. I read/watch content on both quantum physics and spirituality and I've been practicing awareness. I realized that the world is beyond our understanding and will probably always be. It has no obligation to make sense to us. But, human nature, I'm still trying to get in tune with whatever I can.
I think I've become more receptive to things that most people don't pay attention to. I also think that once you notice these things, they notice you and you can't "undo" that.
First I'll talk about my sleep paralysis and what can possibly be an out of body experience, I'll need your opinions and advice.
Then I'll tell you about my "ability" of sensing energy around, and again I'll need to ask you all how you'd react in this situation.
1) SLEEP PARALYSIS/ OBE
I've always suffered from sleep paralysis but never had visions, I just see it from a medical point of view. But nowadays it's been happening every day and it's getting so bad that I'm afraid to sleep. I sleep 2 hours a night, I wake up feeling LITERALLY like square peg in a round hole because I can feel that my "soul" or whatever it is, can't synchronize with my body. When I try to force myself to wake up, I try to push myself from side to side and I feel my energy dissipating in waves, it makes buzzing sounds, and then when I "fit properly into my body" again, I feel a tingling sensation.
Once I woke up and I was convinced I was dying. I couldn't localize myself at all. Usually if you've experienced sleep paralysis, there are times you can't open your eyes. But you know, when you "can't see", you still see a black image like the one you see when you close your eyes anytime. Well I don't even see that. I don't know where I am, I don't know were my eyes are, I don't even know if I exist because I feel myself EVERYWHERE. I don't know what's left or right. I have no notion of north, south, light, darkness, times, space, anything at all. That scared me so much, and it's quite funny because my thoughts were "ok I'm definitely dying. Is my house clean? Yes. Oh no, I went to sleep in my underwear. I don't want people to find me in my underwear" and I didn't feel sad. I didn't think of anyone in my life. I didn't regret anything.
I don't think this was a "near death" experience, it felt like that because I don't have enough knowledge to understand it. If anything, I think I was experiencing some kind of "out of body experience" but I wasn't ANYWHERE at all.
This happens to me every other day, sometimes it's just a mild sleep paralysis, sometimes there's more.
I used to know how to avoid it, by NEVER sleeping on my back, and it worked. But nowadays, I could sleep standing up and it would still happen. But sometimes I can still tell when I'll have one of these experiences. If I wake up for a brief moment, I look at the time and I say "I still have X hours left", when I go back to sleep I will have very specific symptom, hard to explain, and that's when I KNOW it will happen. (You know, when you're really sick with a fever and you feel like falling, it's as if something inside you is weak, and you have a strange pulsation in your head? This is the best I can do to describe the symptom). If I let myself fall asleep like that, I slip to "the other side". So I try my best to wake up and be VERY alert, even if I sacrifice my sleep, I open my laptop, I read something (it's so hard to read when I'm like this) and the, when I'm properly awake, only then I can go back to sleep safely. I prefer not sleeping at all than to have to deal with these experiences. They don't scare me but they exhaust and frustrate me. I don't know what'll happen next time, if I'll be able to wake up. It has become harder and harder to wake up from that state.
I'm afraid of "going for it" and letting it "take me" to an astral walk / another dimension or whatever, because I'm certain that something bad is waiting for me there. I feel like something is out to get me. Or maybe it's just my fear of letting go of my beliefs.
I wanted to know the Universe and maybe the Universe is working with me, and my fear is holding me back?
What do you think?
2) SENSING ENERGIES
Recently I've been sensing energies that weren't there before, and I'm quite honestly scared. It started at the same time as all of above, and I feel a presence - non human - in my room. Not all the time, though.
You know, big old TVs, when you turned them on, before the image appeared there was a little "sound" like a "beep" and that sound was always there. If you went to another room you could tell someone was turning on the tv. Or if you turned the volume to 0 you could still hear that sound / electricity? (Please tell me I'm not insane)
It's the same when you have your headphones on and someone's approaching you, you can feel there's someone behind you before you hear/ see them.
Well I feel that "sound" (it's not really a sound) all the time now, but the 90s are gone and I don't have any neighbors who own an old TV.
I feel it in waves, and sometimes if I pay attention and the light is right, I can see particles moving in waves, like a heavy rain. (Right now, if you want to understand, look around and focus on something white, like a piece of A4 paper. You can tell what you see is not 100% clear, but little particles light and dark, running around on that white paper. Are those photons? I don't know)
So when I feel these waves, especially when I'm in my bed I can feel them like a swarm of bees, and sometimes this energy will make wood crack as it circulates - for example my table cracks, then my door, then my bed, one after the other. I just KNOW it's there, it's so heavy, and I don't think it's a good thing. I've been considering bringing white sage to disperse it but the people I live with can't stand smoke.
Now this is NOT a ghost story. Honestly I don't believe in the personification of energy (such as angels etc) but I know there's a wave of something and it seems angry. Or at least, enthusiastic.
Sometimes it's not present and I can sleep in peace, but sometimes I can't even close my eyes because it's like a tornado or something. It makes me so afraid.
I'd like to work with these things into something positive. I'm a very emphatic person but I wouldn't say I'm an empath. But there must be something I can do to take advantage of my perception. I'd try to flow with it if I wasn't so scared. I just feel like I'm going into the lion's mouth and do not want!
OK that's all I wanted to share.
Thank you so much for your time and patience.
6369 characters on the counter! Sorry!
I hope I can get your opinions and/or advice on this matter, I'd like to know I'm not the only one who experienced these things. Maybe someone knows more about them?
Have a wonderful day everyone!