I want to start by asking any experienced psychics or mediums out there to please read my story (bear with me its long) and give any input, advice or thoughts on my situation. I am very confused by it all and inexperienced. Thank you in advance!
My story starts with a bit of history. I am not sure what is relevant, but here it is.
As a child I remember being really interested in ghosts, saints and anything that couldn't be explained. One of my grandmother's (grandma L) told me stories of holy pictures falling off the walls whenever someone close to the family had died. I was there once when it happened, I went to walk upstairs and the holy picture she had on the wall at the bottom of stairs seemed to just fly off the wall. Later that evening one of the pictures in the dinning room did the same thing. Later while I was in bed she got a call that earlier that day (right around the time the first picture fell off the wall) her nefew had had a heart attack and died, and later that evening her brother (the nefew's father) had also had a heart attck and died. After that day I just remember thinking "wow these things grandma was talking about is real!"
So now I had questions. Both sets of grandparents were/are (one of my grandmother's are still alive) pretty religious. While staying with my other grandma (grandma C...she is much more religious and knew I couldn't ask her about ghosts or spirits) I asked her about saints. Particularly about to become one. She told me that I had to be good for a very long time, I had to be loving, giving and unselfish for the rest of my life. I asked her how I could do that and she told my to pray and pray, "ask for God's goodness and wisdom." In their basement there is this holy picture of Mother Maria. I asked my grandma C about it a bit, sort of a bedtime story and went to bed. While in bed I asked God to make me a good girl, and help me be a saint. I was also was still thinking about the story my grandma told me before bed about the holy picture I had asked about. That night I dreamed the most vivid dream. I was very young maybe 7? In the dream a spirit came to me and we floated around my grandma's house. I could see her drinking her evening tea and reading her book. (Later,as I never stayed up long enough at that age I found out that this is her night time routine. Then I had more questions about the picture in the basement, the sprint and I flew/floated to the basement where I feel like I got information from it but can't remember any words just having a more emotional understanding of the picture. (That picture used to scare me before that "dream" I had.
Skip to around 13 14 years old, I had short period of dreams that would sort of come ture. The first one was a super vivid dream (and anatomically correct) of my cousin giving birth. I had never seen a baby being born before, but later I realized that the images in my dreams were perfectly correct. The next day at a gathering (I missed the announcement because of work) my cousin announced that she was pregnant. No one told me about it and when I got there she pulled me aside and said "did you hear?" I said "no" and she said "I'm pregnant." I said "ohhh I know I had a dream" it all made sense at the exact moment the words came out of my mouth. I said it as I made sense of what my dream actually was about. Of course she gave me the weirdest look and I made sure not mention anything of such sort in front of anyone I had a feeling would look at me like that again! The next dream happened about a mouth after. I dreamt about my great uncle Steven. (Whom I'd only met a handful of times, and had only been to thier house I think twice.) I had a dream that he had died, and I was there for his funeral. But the funeral was in their house. I can still remember the detail of this dream. He was in a casket in the middle of thier living room. (The way they used to do it.) Dispite only being there twice I remembered every detail of their house, and I was very young. It had been probably 7 or 8 years since I had been there. 2 days later my mom got a phone call that uncle Steven had a heart attack, but was alive. I don't dream things like that anymore, but when I did the dreams were more "extreme" than what was actually happening in real life.
About 6 months after the dreams started, I got more interested in the occult. I read about witches, spells and got a deck of tarot card. I knew to protect myself (as I had been reading about "good" magic. My girlfriend down the road had a ouija board, and her mom would play with us. She was convinced she was speaking with her dead father. I could go on but this story is getting long enough as it is. Let's just say I was dabbling a little in everything, young and eger to explore the mysteries of the things that interested me so much as a young child. One morning I woke up early, I think it was 5:20 am. This was unusual because I loved and still do love my sleep. I remember waking up looking at my alarm clock and thinking what the hell I usually have push the snooze several times. I closed my eyes again and thought this must be in my dream and opened them again still looking in the direction of my clock and when I did I was immediately petrified, frozen and my heart in my throat! I was looking at giant Cheshire cat head, smiling ear to ear. For what seemed an eternity I stared unable to move then ducked my head under the covers, completely terrified! A week or so later I woke up again around the same time, I looked at the clock and just turned over thinking "awe I just want to get back to that good dream I was having." It was late spring and was a warm evening, so I had the window open a crack. Moments after I woke I heard the most blood curdling scream of a woman like she was being murdered. It happened 3 times in row then nothing. I just laid there completely unable to move for awhile, then got up the courage to look out the window. There was nothing. Around this time I stopped researching the spirt world/the occult.
Since then, as I've always felt intuitive I've had many things happen that are unexplainable. Tons of dajavou instances, where I accually dajavou a dajavou. Strong feelings when I turn my back, like there is something there. I usually run.
I lived in the city for almost 12 years. My boyfriend and I felt like the city was turning us cinicle to the point where we felt we had to move back to the country. We started to hate people and we're starting to feel suffocated in the city. We bought a log house that was built in the early 1800's and reassembled in the 70's to a new location down the road with 15 acres and beautiful view of land marks 3 hours drive away. We can also view 2 large lake at are in the area. We were so happy to be in our neck of the wood again! Our first year was perfect. In fact everything we start or do the first time works out perfect. Incredible even. Example. First garden was insane, it did extremely well. Every other garden each year doesn't even come close to the first one, no matter what we do. Second example, I started chickens last year and incubated eggs. People were telling me how hard it was to incubate if you've never done it before, I was encouraged to use eggs that were not too valuable it takes some practice to work out the kinks. All my eggs hatched and I hatched some for a friend too, and it went perfectly. This year 2 batches without a single chick. These types of things happen quite a bit these are just some examples. The electronics in the house don't work properly half the time and a good amount of time they break. I have angry outbursts usually in the morning. Everyone's mood seems to rub off on me and I get very anxious and angry. My pets keep dying by rare or unusual deseases or unexplainable sicknesses. I have lost 7 pets young cats and dogs in the past 3 and a half years, and presently have a 2 year old cat that is dying of a rare autoimmune desease. Nothing I mean nothing goes smoothly everything is a struggle things keep breaking and going missing. I feel like I'm something else's entertainment amusement.
Two other things that have happened since I have move back to the area are: #1 my boyfriend inherited a large piece of property from his grandfather. We were there exploring the property driving, the trails one day. Near the evening I saw this red light/dot in trees/treeline (it looked like a laser pointer, or maybe a cell phone tower with the red light on it for planes.) I said to my boyfriend "look can you see that, that red dot in the trees", he could see anything. Then we were near the locked gate to the property and I saw it again this time 2 red dots. Red eyes! I said again to my boyfriend you don't see that? Thus time he saw it. These red eyes had been following us through this 500 acer forest!
One other thing that has happened to me after moving back"home". My younger cousins are into ghosts and things of that nature. One night my sisters and the younger cousins I spoke of wanted to go to the old cemetery. A bit of backround on this. The old cemetery is from the polish pioneers (first settlement in canada) who built the area up, in and around the 1850's. Since 1850 until now there are still no other nationalitis in our blood... We are direct desendents of the people laid to rest in this cemetery. While we were there I felt quite a connection, and my cousins were running their vice recorders asking questions. As I said earlier I don't dabble in that stuff anymore, so I let them go on without me, while I tried to really just connect with my family who lay beneath my feet. These people worked so hard, put their blood and sweat into the land and here I am benefiting from their hard work and sacrifice. At some point the rest of my family discovered two grave stones way outside the gave yard on the other side of the fence. The names on the Graves were family names. My cousins knowing some of the things I've read about and done in the past asked me to ask a few questions for their recording. So I stated my name and asked a series of questions, such as what happened to you? We are probably related somehow, why are you not buried in the cemetery? And so on. After the recording was reveiwed right after one of the things I said, there was a deep, quick growling voice that said "shut up"
I'm writing for help now because, I feel like things have gotten dark around me and I don't know if it's me or an outside force that's causing it. The pets are angry and mean... Very odd. Others are dying from odd things and circumstances. Whatever can go wrong does... And worse. Anything that gives me joy seems to have turned on me, and when I find a new project that makes me happy it soon blows up in my face... Or doesn't work out. The other thing that's been happening is ringing in my ears. High pitched, and as soon as decided to do anything from the exciting to the mundane, I get this debilitating feeling and can't do it. Sometimes lately I have to use all my will power to even take a shower. No matter how excited I am to do what I've planned for the day, I feel as if something is forcing me to sit on the couch. Specifically the couch it's weird. It's gotten so bad some days I'll get up to get something to eat and by the time I get to the fridge I feel an urge to sit back down... Not to bother with food. Sometimes I do, but I know I have to eat so I force myself. Once I'm eating it's ok. I feel a strong influence on my decisions, I find it very hard to make any.
Thank you all for any help/input you have. And I'm happy to answer any questions