Let me preface this with, I'm just an ordinary guy. I was born in the semi-slums of south Texas and raised by both my parents. My father is a Catholic man but does not follow all of their values and beliefs. My mother is a skeptic and believe in the spiritual side of life. I fall somewhere in between.
I believe in Catholicism and the idea of the super natural but I also believe in modern science. I'm what my spiritual friends called a "halfah". Half a skeptic, half a nerd.
Now let me explain my current predicament.
Growing I've had this burning desire to do... Something. I've had this feeling for as long as I can remember. I've felt I should be doing more, that I was meant for more than just sitting around. I felt I was entitled with a mission and it was part of my task to seek it out.
I tried to talk to my peers about it but got outcasted as a freak because it wasn't normal to feel that way. I was alienated from my school and turned away from the groups that I called my friends. I resented them for a while until I realized it's not their fault for not understand. If they felt my burning desire too, they'd ask for help as well.
When I turned 18 back in December, something in me clicked and I started preparing my mind and my body. I had an influx in desire to get strong and smarter, whether it be through working out, studying on my own free will, wanting to join boxing to get into fighting, etc. I joined my university rotc to later enlist into the U.S. Army as an officer because I felt military life would make me prepared for leadership and marksmanship.
My reasoning behind this is because I'm afraid something big is coming. I'm terrified that I won't be prepared for whatever happens hence why I'm here. I tried to rationalize this with me being delusional or weird, but I can't fight what I know my soul is feeling.
Something big is coming, I can feel it in every bone of my body.
Can anyone tell me why I'm feeling like this? What this feeling is? What this means for me? What this means for everyone around me?
I really hope you guys can help where modern science has failed.
The Writer In Red