I am glad I found this space as I have been going through a lot of unusual experiences lately and I am just now starting to come to terms with what these experiences truly mean. A little back story on myself: I work in the field of alternative medicine (but very science based, more functional medicine presently) and I am familiar with bioenergetics, energy healing, etc but I have not really explored these things too much on a personal level (probably due to fear). I have had 2 Reiki sessions before and have had NUMEROUS mediums approach me over the years to share things with me but I have never intentionally gone to see a psychic... They always find me, and always very unexpectedly. I have been told by at least one medium that someday I will help others to communicate with spirits, that that is my path.
Further background on me that explains why I got into my current career field and why I have mediums approaching me is that both my parents are deceased. My mother took her last breaths in my arms when I was sixteen - she died of brain cancer. My father died less than five years later very unexpectedly in his sleep; he was overmedicated by the Veteran's Administration and had a bad drug reaction due to medical negligence.
I had a very traumatic birth and was almost aborted due to very rare pregnancy complications. My mother nearly bled to death as they were cutting me out of her. My mortality rate was estimated to be around 90% upon the time of my birth, and a I had several near-death experiences as a child including pneumonia and multiple drownings. My mother always called me her miracle baby (she had 2 or 3 miscarriages in the time from my sister's birth to my conception) and she described me as having been born forty and growing older every year. I have always felt like an old soul, I have always known in some way that I was not like other people around me.
After my parent's deaths, I had 7 or 8 years of absolute emotional hell. I lived in darkness and despair and as I grew out of that darkness and found my inner light, connected with the Earth and with my soul, I realized that through those years of hell I felt (although I didn't realize it back then) as though that despair was a physical being that lived with me, day in and day out, tormenting me, feeding off my heartache and loneliness and making me physically ill.
In the past six months or so, maybe a little longer, I have started to see these shadowy figures that surround my bed at night when I am getting ready to fall asleep. I am NOT sleeping and then waking up and seeing them, and I have not fallen asleep... I am wide awake. I guess I am somewhat seeing them in my peripheries, but when I turn the lights on, they do not disappear. They are in the clearly defined forms of people, and they seem to get closer and closer to my bed as I become more aware of them. Sometimes it feels as though they are lurking, even though I have banished them from my sight, I still feel them. One time I even noticed the covers being pulled away from the other side of the bed. These beings do not appear when my fiancé is home, only when I am alone.
I have also had numerous experiences with seeing some type of light/orbs, but usually during a state of calm/tranquility. The mediums that have contacted me or that I have happened into have told me that my mother's spirit is very strong and all around me and very demanding in the sense that she tries to communicate. I do want to communicate with her... But I don't know if these beings are my parents or something else, a lower dimensional being? The last medium I met said my mother was encouraging me to talk to her in my dreams, but to my knowledge that has not happened.
I admit that these shadow beings have made me feel afraid, because I don't understand what is going on, but I have now, in part due to my sister in law's help (who is an amazing light warrior) started to understand that I should not be afraid, that I simply need to assert my sovereign control over my energy and not allow any unwanted spirits to feed from me. I understand through my research that once I am in full control of my abilities, I can control when I communicate with them. I admit that I am not necessarily sure how I feel ABOUT communicating with them, but I do have some desire to... I am trying my best to abolish fear and replace it with certainty in my own power over myself.
I guess I came here looking for advice and to hear other people's experiences that might be like mine and how they dealt with them. Thank you to all that have taken the time to read this.