I am just now learning I am an empath and have been struggling with this ability for 7 years now since I became pregnant with my eldest son. I now realize my extreme depression and anxiety issues stem from the awakening and also believe my son has the same ability. He is 6 and highly emotional so as you can imagine I am a nutcase of high charged emotional energy on a daily basis being in close proximity to him and I get little to no breaks away from him or my younger son who is 4 (luckily he is pretty calm).
Due to unforseen bad luck and a financial crisis we lost our home & were forced to move in with my 23 year old stepson in another state. I have not spent more than a few hours with him in the last 8 years that my husband and I have been married due to the fact that he lived in a different state and prefers his moms side of the family to ours but now that we live with him, our already difficult situation has come to a head and he wants us to leave.
He feels uncomfortable with us (me) here although he can't quite say why that is. All I know is that I feel exactly the same around him. I can't stand to be around him. I feel overwhelming negative energy associated with him, to the point I am having constant panic attacks several in an hour. I feel as if I am drowning, can't breathe. I pace back and forth with thoughts racing through my head at lightening speed. The thoughts are not important just like to do lists and random people but like I said they are racing thoughts and I am almost completely disabled by them, unable to focus and do what needs to be done such as cleaning, cooking, job searching, helping my son with homework etc. I also feel despondent at times crying, I have feelings of extreme guilt, I mean EXTREME as if I am keeping a secret that hurt many people or like I have murdered someone type guilt. Then there is the rage where I feel so angry and frustrated my hands get to shaking with no reason for it all.
THIS IS NOT ME! I am an intelligent, mature, reasonable woman with a strong and loving relationship with my husband and sons and there is no reason at all to be feeling this way 24/7. It only happems when my stepson is here in the house. Within 3-5 minutes of him leaving I immediately feel a sense of relief and actually can gain some composure and clarity within an hour. But when he returns so do the cycle of emotions.
I have an overall sense of distrust, dislike, disgust and feel like I just want/need to get away from him, run from him. I have had very little conversation with him and no arguments or fights. Mostly we avoid each other. It has been mentioned he is bipolar but does not take meds and I am not positive he has been officially diagnosed. But the emotions I pick up from him are similar to what I have read about the disorder.
But I also feel he has abilities as well. Perhaps the same as me. He seems to worsen around my out of control anxiety as well as my 6 year old son's.
He also seems to just "know things" like when we made a weekend trip back home that went horribly wrong (tire blow out in the middle of nowhere, could not remove lug nuts from bad tire and waited hours for roadside assistance, etc.). He somehow knew what had happened before we told him.
I also catch him watching me when I am feeling especially nervous and having to "do something" with the energy to stop myself from pacing like a crazy person. I feel like he is trying to "read" me, trying to figure out what is going on with me and I hate it. Want him to leave me alone. Could he be an empath too and we are feeding off each other? He tells his dad he does not care for me either but can't give a good, clear reason as to why.
Is there any way to remedy this? I really don't want to be on the street with 2 small kids because I can't control this. I have never been able to meditate, can't focus or sit still that long. Mind wanders constantly until I just give up. I have also never been able to "visualize" myself in a bubble or go to a happy place in my mind.
I have been carrying heavy and dark emotional baggage for 7 years now, can't get rid of it and keep picking up what I can only describe as a psycho's energy now.
My husband is stressed out too now and between him and the 2 others, I really believe I am about to have a nervous breakdown. I feel outright nuts. I can't live like this. I need to function.
Who or what type of business would I reach out to if I need professional help with this? Are there people who could help/teach me to meditate or counsel me? I don't have a lot of money.
Thank you for listening.