I don't really understand any of this stuff, but it's really been on my mind again a lot very recently and I wanted to know if anyone here could explain some things to me.
The main thing I wanted to know about, is that very recently, and also in the past, when I am feeling an emotion very strongly, people next to me or in the same room can tell that I'm feeling it, even if they aren't looking at me and I'm not expressing it in any physical way.
Like, recently I lived with a man I was very deeply in love with, but he didn't want a relastionship with me. We were friends, and we did sleep together sometimes and it made me very happy, but for the rest of the time I was always very sad and hurting because I wanted more than what we had and he didn't and was often quite angry with me for showing him that I was in love with him.
One night, when he was about to fall asleep after, I was very upset, but I didn't say or do anything to show it and after about 5 minutes while he had his back to me he suddenly said, "are you alright, because I feel that you are not alright".
(I have had that happene with other men before too)
A few weeks later he was away on holiday and I was sat on a couch watching a movie with someone I didn't know particularly well and I suddenly felt overwhelmingly upset missing him but I didn't do or say anything about it, and the person sat next to me suddenly put her arm around me and said not to get upset, like she felt it or something, and then I started crying.
Also, during this time, I would be sad a lot at work because of the thing with my friend, and a woman at my work, would walk into the room through a door behind me, and even though I had my back to her, she would stop and say " are you okay, because it feels like you are upset"
I once overheard her having a conversation with someone else at work, about me, saying that she felt uncomfortable because she always seemed to be able to feel when I was feeling unwell or upset.
None of these people were looking at me or my face directly when these things happened, and it all happened within the space of a few weeks, and always because I was upset about how much it hurt loving my friend and missing him.
Also, in the past, I have had colleagues at other jobs comment on the fact that I should be nicer to someone at work I don't like when they are in the room because I apparently somehow can make people feel that dislike without even doing or saying anything.
I have also had others say similar things to me in the past, like when I have been really angry or happy or upset, people can tell even though I am not expressing it in a physical way.
One time I was with a new boyfriend who I was madly in love with, and we went out for a walk down the street, and he kept getting embarrassed because even though I didn't notice it he said that literally everyone who passed us just kept staring at me and smiling at me.
Am I making other people feel what i'm feeling? Or are all these people just able to sense what I feel themselves?
Also, I sometimes seem to have an awareness of things that come to pass in the future.
For instance like when I had my very first relationship, I was very in love, and from the very beginning I was always sad and scared that I was going to lose him, like desperately sad about it. And then he died after we had only been together a short while.
Then one night shortly after, when I was alone in bed, missing him really badly, the cd player suddenly started playing music and it was a song about wishing someone could be there to hold me
(I have had that same thing happen a few times. Like a stereo I didn't even know was turned on will suddenly start playing a song that relates to how I'm feeling at that time).
I don't understand what the hell that is. But hat's only happened a few times, and was a very long time ago, but at times that were very emotional and confusing for me.
Also, I have had a few very very strange experiences.
One time about a year ago, I was alone in my room singing a very old folk song,
The song was ' the river in the pines'. I was singing it over and over in my room to myself.
A few hours later I was checking my emails and found one from someone I had never heard of, and it was a quote that seemed so familiar to me.
"g deeps of blue sky; the birds rustled and chirped around her; leaping insects buzzed and clattered in the grass and in the vines and bushes. The goodness and glory of God was in the very air, the bitterness and oppression of man in every line of her face.
But her quiet was broken by Sadie, who came leaping like a fawn down through the grass."
I googled the quote, and discovered that it was taken from a book written by an author called Hannibal Hamlin Garland.
I then googled him and found out that Hannibal Hamlin Garland was not only an author and poet but also a researcher of Parapsychology who believed in the powers of psychics and mediums.
This author, Hannibal Hamlin Garland, was from the same place and time as the folk song I had been singing.
The strangest thing is, I don't know the person that emailed me the quote, but they did it at the very same time I was alone in my room singing the folk song, and the song was written by someone from the same place and era as the man who wrote the quote I was emailed.
He was a psychic researcher from like 100 years ago or something.
To me it seems that it must mean something right? But what is it? Because I don't understand it. Not what it means, or how that happened, at all.
I emailed the person who sent me the quote but they never ever replied.
I also once had some very strange things happen to me through my laptop, that were completely unexplained. Like so many different things happened, that were all kind of related,, that all seemed kind of like huge coincidences, like with music on web pages, and peoples online profiles, and things being moved around on my laptop. But at the same time it felt like they were all linked together and meant something.
And sometimes I get the feeling that people around me I don't know and have never met are there in the same place as I am, because of me... Like they know something about me that I don't know, or I am meant to know them in some way. I know that sounds crazy and paranoid and it's not like i'd eve just ask them lol but I just feel that about some people.
I am not saying that I have any kind of gift or ability.
But I wanted to write about them here just to see if anyone understands what it is or is able to tell me what any of it means.
Please and thank you.
The worst is when i'm in love because it's the thing that makes me feel most happy and what I always feel the most intensely and it always pushes people away, and when I lose them it literally just devestates me unconsolably... I just, get consumed completely by it when I feel it. People always tell me that they've never met anyone wo loves people or misses people as intentesly or as deeply as I do and they don't understand why I do.
I don't either. It's just the emotion I always feel strongest when I feel it for someone. And it's usally those people who seem to know how i'm feeling around them.
Well that, and dislike. When I dislike someone they always seem to know it right away even if I don't say anything or do anything to show it.
I always know instantly if I like someone or not. I can usually just tell if they are a nice person or not right away. Unless it's people I fall in love with. Because i've fallen for some pretty awful horrible people and had absolutely no idea they were like that when I met them.
And yes I do get really tired a lot, especially if i'm around lots of people all day but I don't know why... I just find it... Draining. The only time I ever really feel chilled out is when i'm at home in bed on my own. I don't even like socialising in groups i've always prefereed to just be me and one other person. I don't ever even have more than 1 freind at a time because I feel kinda... I don't know, I just struggle to focus emotiaonlly on more than 1 person at a time. And I only ever seem to be able to connect with people on an emotioanl level. Usually romantic. Like I only ever seem to connect with people i've fallen in love with. Or people I end up falling in love with. Which is kind of annoying but, i've never wanted to have lots of friends or be around lots of people anyway.
It's all kind of confisng for me this empathy thing because, i've never ever intentianally done it to people... They just seem to know, when it's happening... Whatever i'm feeling at that time.
Like even when i've been having... 'private time' with a guy friend on-line... They always tell me that I 'give off a very erotic energy' so maybe that's part of the same thing but I mean it would be kind of weird that sonmeone could feel you through the internet lol Guys always seem to be able to tell I like them even when I don't do anything to show it. It's actually really annoying sometimes.
But yeah... The two things I always feel the most are love for someone, and sadness.
When I feel either of those two, I just get completely consumed by them... And when I feel them both together... I can't put it in to words.
And I defintiely get very strong 'gut feelings' about things and places and people. Some times I feels so horrible it literally makes me feel sick and shaky until i'm away from the place or person. Like the last place I lived, had such a horribkle feeling, it really made me feel uneasy and tired and sad... But I satyed there for months to live with the guy I was in love with. It was actually a really difficult tine being in that house but it was probably because of the other guy we shared the house with because he just mad the whole situation difficult.
But what's the point of it all though... I mean can I do anything with it? The empathy thing... Because I never ever do it on purpose, but it still happens a lot.
I have sometimes tried to will someone to look at me, and they have lol, and I mamanged to do that a few times... But i'm sure that was just coincidence lol actually I can do that quite a lot:) like if want someone in a room to notice me they usually do without me doing anything to attract attention lol but again that's probably just coincidence hahaha or maybe it isn't. Usually if there is a man in the room I want to notice me he usually does even if there are lots of people around. Like if i'm attracted to a man in a room full of people if I focus on him for too long he will usually look up or around at me lol... Which is sometimes really embarassing:) again that's probably just concidences too lol
Um...I wrote way too much stuff here nobody is ever going to take the time to read it lol
But thank you for your help! I will maybe try to read more about it...