My story is a long and personal one, but because of the multitudes of horrors and atrocities I've experienced and lived through, I went 20 years in a mostly solid dissociation state. Since it began at 4 or 5, I never began the process of actually developing my personal identity, or any identity at all for that matter. Drug addiction and the onset of a two years toxic relationship had seemed to completely destroy what I had formed, my years spent mostly, completely alone and void of normal social human connection. That being said.
My name is Noel. I don't feel the need to divulge much about what I went through to the majority, but those things sealed themselves away for damn near my entire life. Until a little less than 2 weeks ago, when everything exploded for me, and has left me exhausted, fearful, and excited. Coming out of the relationship of almost 2 years, the way I did, left me even more broken and alone then I had already become. Being an empath of significant dormant power, and having no clue at all. I thought I was losing my mind, and eventually got buried under not only all of my pain, emotions, dirty secrets but also, the constant onslaught of everybody else's. I did not understand that I was experiencing others feelings, I thought I was a developing schizophrenic, or had the beginning stages of bipolar disorder. Along with the depression and anxiety I had been diagnosed with very early on, and heavily medicated because of. My father and step-mother never understood me, and have never tried. As of the end of this past November, I was idolizing and planning my suicide, for the third time in two years, and realized that I needed to just go. I came here to California, with the hopes that everything would change for me. I was confused. Life does not, and did not, slow down for me to catch up. And I quickly and with haste, relapsed to find the only sense of happiness I could get. I started tumbling farther down, deeper than anyone my age should have to, and forced my mom to watch. Until my ex called with some eye-opening news.
She was pregnant, and I realized I was going to be a dad. And with growing up with my mom on drugs, and a sadist narcissistic father, I felt like I had an obligation to change for my son. So I admitted myself into a treatment program. In the span of the next week, I have quite literally, become not only a completely different person, but at the same time, I understood that what I sensed that first time, was my soul. I had never looked at myself with anything but hate and degradation before, but in that moment, for the first time, there was love.
From that moment and non ceasing since, I have been bombarded with experiences that vary so wildly, yet seem to form a connection with the other side, so powerful, I can connect at any time. With mostly anybody. My empathetic abilities have been heightened by a thousand times, and are incredibly in tune. Claura-audience has become something permanent, and affects not only at a psychic level, but a profound physical one as well. I touch belongings of others, of importance, and can receive pictures and even full relived OBE from their eyes, and heart. I receive visions of such clarity at some times, and others the meaning is cryptic and personal. Between this happening in the span of less than 2 weeks, I'm honestly fearful. But have not slowed them down. But I need help. I need guidance, and if anyone can help me, then please extend a hand.