I have been lurking around the internet to help me find some answers to events that have me, quite frankly, scared witless. I found this site and am hoping that someone can help me come to terms with things that I have been desperately trying to avoid and ignore for years.
Let me start off by saying I am a Phys. Major and Irish Catholic for obvious reasons these two things have left me in a constant state of fear, confusion and guilt over recent events. I have had moments that I have had to check myself for possible explanations for things that I have been seeing and feeling. With that being said, here goes.
Since I was around ten, I started getting feelings from places and people. These would range from extremely pleasant to extremely unpleasant, and I would attach a color with them accordingly. I didn't see the colors around them, but a color would pop into my head. This has become more vibrant in the last six months. I also would get these feelings about people and instinctively know things about them. Funny, but if I watch people, they wear life's events on their faces like a mask. I have had visits from family members who have passed or just prior too.
Although I have felt uncomfortable and uneasy with places, certain events, never have I been afraid of any of this, until recently.
Six months ago I had an issue with my health that was a near death crisis. It was an experience that although horrific, changed my outlook on life and left me with a feeling of gratitude that cannot be expressed in words. This is when things started to get a little hairy. I have had to look into myself and check my sanity, because things are so bizarre, I have a hard time believing they are really happening.
I will fast forward to the events that occurred this month and am desperately asking for someone to help me with what is happening. My family and I went of vacation to a beautiful island and stayed in a very old home that we have stayed in previously. The third night we stayed here, I was feeling very uncomfortable, like there was something I needed to do but couldn't quite remember what it was. I read for a while after turning in for the day and out of the corner of my eye I saw something gesturing to me. It scared me so bad that I ran out of the room yelling like a banshee of course waking everyone in the house. Feeling like a nutcase I told everyone I had a bad dream and we all went back to bed. I was awoken by something pulling the blankets at the foot of the bed. It was so prominent that my Fiancé' asked me to stop hogging the covers. In that instant the word "ring" popped into my head. Needless to say there was no sleeping that night and I did a couple of Laps around the Rosary.
The morning finally came and as I was making coffee I had this incredible urge to move the couch and look under the rug for a ring. When I found it I started to cry. A beautiful ring was wedged between the molding and the floorboards underneath. I contacted the owner of the property and she said that a ring had been lost and the owner was heartbroken over it. Her grandfather had given the ring to his Granddaughter and had died just shortly afterwards. That of course is an example of the nice things that have happened.
This last week I was feeling extremely agitated, jumping at slamming doors, very uptight. My nights have been filled with broken sleep, uneasy feelings and being genuinely scared and apprehensive.
There has never been a time in my life when things have been so wonderful. My son is growing into an amazing man, I am engaged to a man that is amazing and my job is great so I have not been able to attach an issue with the feelings I am getting.
Two nights ago, I was woken up by a feeling of something on my face, what felt like hands covering my mouth. I know I was awake because just seconds before this, the bed was jerked, startling me out of sleep. I felt like something was trying to hurt me. I thrashed, and grabbed for my fiancé. My screaming finally woke him up, and stopped the assault. Of course the Phys. Major in me has been trying to rationalize this along with my Fiancé, Freud and his symbols, but I honestly believe as crazy as it sounds that is was not a dream or a sub conscious message. Something was trying to get my attention. I feel like if I don't "get it" I am missing something terribly important. In reflection of the event I think it was an attention grabber more that anything ominous. Maybe that's not correct either. I could really use some advice on how to proceed.
I am sorry for this being so wordy, and I could go on forever. I am so confused and I am hoping that someone here can help me come to terms and peace with all of this.