When I was young, I was always drifting into my imagination. I was told stories, of all sorts of children in pain. Though I'm not entirely sure why I would want to listen to those stories, I find now I'm running into a lot of people with painful childhoods. It enabled me to accept those people's flaws and I find it easier to relate to them than a 'regular' person does now.
When I was a teen I was driving by a wild life reserve near my house. That was the first time I've ever heard something, I was peering into the swamplands and a woman called my name. It naturally startled me, since my mom and I were the only ones in the car, and I knew it wasn't her voice. Then after my brother came down with schizophrenia I wondered if I could possibly dig in and take the lies out of his head or taunt the things that cause it. But a voice called to me and said no that's too dangerous you're going to be a healer that's his mess. Or something along those lines. (Of course I forgot this 'minor' detail when I attempted the second time)
Then the other day I was walking the dog and I heard a "please don't leave me" in what seamed like a young girl's voice. And just a month ago I was sitting on my bed and it sounded like a middle-aged girl say, "Can you hear me?" Those were the nice ones. The other's are usually like whispers that confuse me. Like the other day I was going to lock up my apartment door and I could have sworn something whispered 'locker' so I went for my locker key instead. It was kind of disheartening since I usually have my stuff in order. I'd rather focus on the good stuff but this was too upsetting.
When I was about 17 I was friends with a girl who liked to play with white magic. Of course she had a friend whom was educated in dark magic. I met up with her friend one day to play canasta with her neighbor and the dark Wiccan's mother. I got halfway through the game and it felt like something started choking me. Since then I've been 'blacking out' from loss of air/over anxieties at random. The doctors say that nothing's wrong. The other day I was relaxing in bead and I asked if it was an entity choking me and what would it do that for? The response was like a whisper, 'Because you're psychic.' It made me ill. Even now I'm getting a weird dizzy spell from typing. This 'voice' reminded me of the 'locker' whisper. A lot of other strange things have been happening lately, though none as clearly as these few stories.
Since my brother got sick it seams as if something is convincing me that everything I'm doing is wrong. I used to see an eye just after he got sick but then fear billowed in. Now, after reading a book on a psychic, it's not so intimidating. But there's still the thought that I could be breaking my rules, which would make me extremely sad. It's kind of embarrassing what's been going on sometimes. Like the other day I was cooking up an 'imaginary light/love' party comfort and something dark darted in and seamed as though it needed to unfairly balance what I was doing out. I got sick. Literally, it totally ruined the nice scene I wanted to imagine.
I get glimpses of the future (though I don't know until it's happened), and can tap into thoughts but I haven't really tuned it so I'm currently a tad confused. Being that I'm just letting that skill flow lately. I haven't really worked out the kinks on these skills. Through my eyes, the world looks like a static cloud (mostly clear sometimes black/white fuzz). It's got the fuzz sound going. But I'm a little confused on the channels. If I adjust my focus a little (which I've been doing a bit lately) I can see definite shadows drifting through.
The other day, I asked what the shadows were and I got a, "They're lost in another dimension" (though this seams really far-fetched, I'd like another person's opinion on the matter). They make my gut sink. About a week later, something really shady smacked into my back left shoulder. It was invisible to the naked eye but it had a kick to it. Soon after the person who witnessed this happen (and asked if I was O.K. After it hit me) turned pale. It seams to have its own agenda. When my aunt (who is into Rikki and healing) told it to hit the dust it seamed to 'say' (in strong dark thought) 'not until she's done' in an intimidating way that left my head hurting.
Lately, I've been noticing I can cultivate less energy than I did before, which is leaving me a little alarmed. Most of the time I dance with light energy and pass it out at random in healing and good feelings/blessings. But now I see dark energy shocking me when I'm trying to flow with light. It's extremely disheartening. Being that these two people were 'dark masters' I was hoping this post might lead me to a 'light master', to fix what they may have done.
Between my headaches and weird thought's, I've been having a pretty rough time to say it lightly. I was really relived to have my aunt fly up from Australia despite the circumstances. She gave healing to us but I had a major pull to run when I sat down for mine. It left me confused and frustrated to think that something in me could leave me wanting to run like some sort of crazy lady from something so wonderful as healing. Made me question my whole life even more.
I keep coming across strong people educated about the 'ways of the world', though they seam to be going in a more destructive/manipulative direction than I want to go. Names pop into my head then thoughts or energy cloud follow, but that's all I notice. The clarity of what they want or what they're doing just doesn't seam to be there. After some research I've come to the conclusion that these people are into psionics (a form of wiccan magic using energy/thought) there were a few times when I wondered if I could do the same, but the thought made me physically ill.
Of course I've decided on rules of morality for such situations that I don't like to break but I have a few times, which leaves me even more disheartened.
The other day my 'friend' from work drove me home. And I could have sworn he put the thought into my head to invite him up. He even took his seatbelt off. I had to giggle after I got in the door because it's just not like me to say that unless I extremely like the guy. Though I've played with the thought of possible dementia, it doesn't seam right. Lately, there's been a ton of lies drifting through, with big scary plots. It's not like me and my head hurts allot. I had to quit my job because I couldn't concentrate. What seams like dark energy keeps drifting through, on and off.
It seams as though I can establish a strong link with another person's brain if needs be. Just to sort stuff out. I've tried it on my brother (who is a schizoid) but he got really upset with me. The second time I tried I got entirely too confused just before I moved into my new place. My current roommate's name kept popping into my head (along with a giant headache) and it seams I've let him go to far. (Since the voice that told me I was about to be a healer said "oh don't do that" when I said 'oh just Josh, sure come in'. I'm a dumb-ass, things have been kind of weird since then) I'm not entirely sure what he was up to but he's not out for a simple need like most. Which leaves me a little paranoid. Especially with this weird cluttered thought process that's going on lately. But on the plus side my brother seams to be doing better. ^.^
The first time I contributed positive thought/energy to an illness. I was smoking a lot and thought of the tar build up in my lungs. For a week it was all that was 'on my mind'. Then I started coughing up large amounts of tar (too much to be just stuck in my throat). After I started to 'black out' from loss of breath I dwelled on that for a month, then bruising started to appear on my neck. Not painful, and somehow I was comforted by it, though still kind of weirded out. I took study into healing, through thought. This healing energy (which I love) is my main focus. I found that I dated out of character guys as well. Ones that had major health defects, and through the whole bit I had to keep reminding myself of the good in those guys. My first boyfriend had a heart murmur, I remember him collapsing. And I'd quickly figure out weather his heart was going too fast or too slow. One time it was going too slow I put my hand over his heart, and tried to will it to pace with mine and kept calling him back. He was out for a little while but came back too with a weird story of being lost in a fog. My second 'relationship' I was dead set on fixing this guys Scoliosis (curvature of the spine?) By the end of my time with him he developed the same bruising that I had on my neck. He noticed a bit less pain than he once had. He took off a little earlier than I would have liked, but in much better condition.