So, how to begin? I guess it all starts about two years ago, when my aunt told me about my great, great, great, great grandmother, the one my mom said was a Native American princess. But my aunt told me she was more than that; when she was a teen her hair turned completely white, and she became a great and powerful medicine woman. Since then I delved into Wicca here and there, searching for answers about myself, and her, my ancestor.
Very recently, I took a psychic test. You know, the ones online, made by supposed psychics themselves? Well, this was my score:
Telepathy/empathy: 7/10 - excellent
Clairvoyance/remote viewing: 8/10 - exceptional
Psychokenisis: 7/10 - good
Precognition: 8/10 - excellent
Channeling/mediumship: 9/10 - talented.
The last one really surprised me. I've seen and talked to ghosts before, but never been "talented" at it like a friend of mine. However, it's what my Indian ancestor was known for. I didn't think it was possible for it to skip four generations and suddenly hit me at full throttle, especially since I have only 1% of her blood - probably not even that.
So I called up a super smart friend and asked him about it. He explained what a recessive gene is. Of course I had learned it in biology, but that class had always been really hard for me, since I never understood scientific mojo about our bodies. I remembered reading how it could skip 2 or 3 generations, but four? My friend said it was possible. I thought so too, but... Somehow I was still skeptical. I didn't want to get my hopes up.
So, I researched and then some. But everything I looked up either tried to teach me HOW to become a medicine woman... Or lead to shamanism.
Now, after doing all this searching, I know fairly well that Native Americans really don't like being compared to shamans, as their beliefs are different and complex (when my aunt was telling me about my ancestor, she called the woman a shaman. But then I found out the above info). However, what I was experiencing kept leading back to that. Sensing random people's deaths, calling upon ghosts with a thought, getting visions. And get this - at one point, when a friend of mine was doing a past-life spell, a ghost came to me and told me to stop her... And I got images of what she was seeing. Eerily similar shamanism. Why? Because shamans have been known to call the dead for divination. But when I try to use an odd-ball "Mytic Eye" board, it's not easy for me at all - but the pendulum is very steady and clear with a friend of mine. Go figure.
One time, I did call my ancestor, accidentally. While washing my face one night, I kept thinking of her, and felt a weird pulling sensation. When I stepped out, I saw a flash of her in the hallway, but got scared and kept my head down, going back to my room. After that I started calling ghosts with a thought.
And the more studying of shamanism I did, the more my eyes kept being drawn back to two of the several books that cluttered my bed, now standing out more and more. They're called The Summoning and The Awakening, two books in a series by Kelley Armstrong. It's about this girl who finds out she's a necromancer... Similar to a shaman, but in Greek terms (as I researched that as well).
When I found out that shamans almost always go through a near-death experience that shows they've been chosen by spirits, I made a face and inched back from my computer. The usual was either getting a fatal disease or getting struck by lightning. Neither sounded appeasing.
I have almost died a few times; almost falling off the Grand Canyon (twice), a driver driving into the wrong lane (and laughing about it!) and others I don't really remember. But almost a year ago I was very close to drowning at Cocoa Beach in Florida, due to riptides. I was kicking sharks every now and then, and each time I got pulled under lasted longer than the time before. At one point, I felt that weird calm you get when you're about to die from drowning - and heard a voice.
"You can either lie here and die, or you can get up and fight."
Suddenly dying lost its appeal and I surged through the water, with new energy to fight. It took a long time, but finally I made it to the beach, and so did my mom (who went after me, but got caught in the riptide too). Since then - even though I love water - I've stayed clear of beaches and swimming. Pools are okay, once I get the hang of it, but being in the ocean makes me really anxious. Unless I'm on a boat.
So now, I have nothing to do but more researching and to wait. Wait for any sign that I might be...something. Or maybe I'm nothing but an over-sensitive person. Whatever I am, I know it's going to take a while to learn it. Nothing worth having in this world comes easy.
So, please read my profile and my stories (I'll be posting more) as I continue to find out more about myself. Hope that didn't sound as cheesy as it did in my head;)