This is my first post on this site, I was wondering if you could help me out with something (hopefully this is ok). Last Thursday, April 4th, I was at the gym after work, sometime between 5:30 and 6:30 PM, EST. Midway through my work out I was just over come by an unexplainable wave of depression. I've dealt with depression before in my life, but this was just out of no where and it just felt like "it" was just closing in on me. I don't ever remember any form of depression in my life that came on so quick, or felt so gripping, and with no apparent reason. I was so overcome by this depression that I just left the gym in the middle of my workout, I had no motivation to finish it (which is out of the norm since I enjoy going to the gym, and take supplements that get you amped up for work outs). When I got home from the gym, I took a shower and ate dinner with my family and at some point during the dinner I realized the feeling had left me.
The next day I felt fine, the depression I felt the night before was gone, and I pushed it to the back of my mind. I went about my day, went to school, hung around downtown with a friend after class, had some drinks. When I got home from class, I checked my facebook and I had received a message from a friend that said "yo, what happened with 'Susan'?" (I'm with-holding her real name for privacy reasons). When I went to 'Susan's' facebook, it was filled with posts on her wall, talking about how she will be missed. I found out she killed herself on Thursday, April 4th.
Friend isn't the word I'd want to use to describe my relationship with 'Susan', it doesn't seem powerful enough. I cared for her deeply, although we were never romantically involved (though I wish we had been). We would go through periods of talking to each other and seeing each other, then we'd stop, then we'd start again. Normally I would be the one to stop it, because being around her would cause my feelings for her to return, but she always had a serious boyfriend and I didn't want to put myself through that for my own mental health. 'Susan' and I had the same personality, we were like the same person. We had a very strong connection. Soul mate is too far out for me to use, but I think kindred spirit sums it up. Are her death and the feeling related? Could anyone point me to more information about this? Thank you for your help, I need something constructive to do with myself after all of this.
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