I'm new here and, to be honest, I don't really know why I've decided to enter this site today. Firstly, I would like to apologize in advance for any possible misunderstandings that could be caused by the fact that my first language is not English, but Spanish. Anyway, I'll try to do my best.
I'm 27 years old and for the last 10 years I've been thinking that I'm too sensitive to bad feelings. It's as if I had learnt to live with the fact that I can sense negative things and feelings, but I had never wondered about the reason why this happens to me, but just wished I didn't have this, let's say, ability.
It's not anything strong, but the things my intuition makes me feel are not nice at all. Whenever someone (it tends to happen with people from my family) is sad, or worried, I know it even though they might be trying to hide it. I am usually able to spot people lying as well. But it is as if I could sense bad feelings such as spiritual suffering from people around and, above all, from people I love. It's overwhelming because I see how people try to hide what they are feeling and it is as if I was feeling it as well and I'm afraid of them being hurt by those feelings.
But the worst thing is the pain in my chest. I may be doing anything normal, from studying to hanging out with friends, when I suddenly feel a strong pain in my chest, like an anxiety crisis. Whenever I get that feeling, I positively know something bad is going to happen. It's usually a fight between people I know, but also things such as my boyfriend having a problem at work or things like that. The worst thing of all is that I don't usually know what will happen, but I do know that it will be something bad.
I remember one particular day when my sister (aged 20 at that time) had gone out at night. She said someone would give her a lift, but I knew she was lying. I suddenly woke up just before she got home (at about 4a.m.). I could hear how she was taking a shower and I remember I thought "someone has attacked her, that is why she is taking a shower, because she feels she has to clean her body". A bit later I woke up and she told me, between cries, that a a street cleaner had tried to attack her on her way home, but that she had managed to run away. However, I thought I had just guessed the whole thing because of the shower and reached a logical conclusion rather than "sensed" anything.
I have three dogs, whom I adore as if they were my little sisters. One day, it was a Friday, I woke up with a terrible feeling. I had both the pain in may chest and a feeling of anger I could not explain. I was definitely in a terrible mood, which is not very usual in me, I must say. That day, my sister and father were supposed to take my three dogs to the vet's, to have their hair cut while my mother and I were supposed to go to the gym. I didn't feel like going to the gym, but I finally went. When I finished my spinning class, my sister suddenly appeared at the gym. They had let one of my little dogs, my favorite one, escape. We were looking for her from 7p. M to 6a.m. Until she suddenly turned up at home at 8a.m. Next day. It was the worst day in my life and there seemed to be a relation between the new feeling of loss I experienced when looking for my doggy (I have never experienced a real loss of a relative or beloved) and the feeling of anger I'd had that day.
Sometimes, I also know simple things are going to happen, and it was about two years ago that I learnt to spot those "moments of knowledge", but I can never tell when I will know about something. Sometimes, it is not after something has actually happened that I remember the previous intuition that told me it would happen.
Finally, there is one more thing. I tend to have feelings about places. When I see a place, sometimes there's an inner voice which says "do not go in there". There is a bar I used to go to from time to time. One day, I entered the toilet and had a strong feeling that I had to leave. I felt as if someone was watching me. I can't say what it was exactly, but my inner voice told me "get out of here right now or something will happen to you". When I left the toilet and met my boyfriend he said I was completely pale. I wasn't able to go into that toilet on my own again until a friend's mother advised me that, whatever I thought there was in there, I had to go on my own and be brave enough to think "well, I'm here, you're there, that's it. I'm not scared". I have tried this and I must say I can now go in on my own, even though after doing so, I feel terribly afraid, and a bit ashamed. Sometimes I feel I'm just paranoid.
Another experience that really made me wonder what was happening to me was during a trip to Prague. I was with my boyfriend and we got lost. We ended up in the main train station there. The building was a very gloomy one. As soon as we went down to the offices and the platforms I had a very strange feeling. It was as if the air there was a burden on my shoulders. It was as if I was feeling other people's uncertainty and fear. In fact, when I think of that place I always see pictures of the past in my mind. These are pictures of children and women dressed in grey and extremely sad waiting for the trains.
Well, I have tried to recall the experiences that have struck me more. I don't know if these levels of intuition are just average or even if these are moments of intuition at all or if I just have an immature way of approaching my feelings and fears. Perhaps I have never been confident about sharing these feelings, or these feelings are only the result of my need of always having things under control. The only thing I'd like to know is that there are people out there who also think that they wouldn't like to feel the way they do sometimes.
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