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I Can't Let Go Of My Past Lives?


I ran into this site while I was doing some research about past lives, which I have done several times before, and thought that this would be a safe place to share some things that I have kept to myself for a long time. I might not be very clear or straight to the point here, as I am a little shaky even as I type even though I really don't know why, so please bear with me.

I am 17 and I have noticed some unexplainable emotions in myself since I was a kid. I used to go to social gatherings, private and public, with my parents. Often times during these events, I would suddenly get this strong sense of dislike. It's a very complex feeling. I don't know if I can explain it well but I'll try. It feels like I am sick of my position and my surrounding. I feel helpless, caged, and hollow. It is strange because I love these social gatherings and I love being around people. The suffocating feeling feels like a déjà vu. It is a terrible thing to endure and I always hope for it to end when it comes. But sometimes it gets so bad that I have to leave the room for fresh air... And then I will be fine. I would sometimes feel the same dislike toward family or parents, not exactly my current parents though. I don't know... I don't think this feeling stems from my present life and I see a pattern to it.

Another feeling that I would often get as a child is the feeling of detachment from my body. I can remember clearly several times when I feel as if I were the third person. The first time I got this feeling was when I was about 6 and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror. I was looking at myself and then suddenly it felt like I was "out." I had thoughts like "this is not me...", "who is this kid?", etc. In a tone that didn't sound like a 6 year old. I still get this feeling sometimes but there is no more doubting about who I am but more of a curiosity to see how "I" will become. Nonetheless, I know very well that I am always same conscience. Just not necessarily agreeing with my current identity. If that makes sense at all.

Now that I am older, I don't get these feelings that much anymore. When I was little I could feel and see things more often... For example, I used to have a lot of dreams that would glimpses of future events and I think I was quite intuitive. I could feel and was more connected to some things that I don't remember now. Now I have mixed feelings about psychic experience or supernatural. Because I grew up in a science oriented family, I thought that I wanted to major in sciences. As a result, I took many advance science classes which made me, fearful? A part of me holds on to the belief that there is more than what we physically know and my soul does not doubt it at all but at the same time I am fearful that maybe there really isn't more to it.

Even though some feelings fade away as I grew older, certain ones grew stronger and stronger and it bothers me. I think that my soul cannot let go of the past. I have this burning longing inside me to dig my past out of myself. I don't know how to best explain this but basically, I can't help but keep on searching for things that would give me this sense of familiarity. I've noticed some behaviors, liking, and belief in myself that are just unexplainable considering my surrounding and current background... I would take hours and hours lingering on the internet or in the library just to search for pictures that would make me feel "home." Sometimes, I would become so obsessed with finding out more, but what exactly I don't know. I would sit and think and dig deep into myself because if I don't, I would feel so lost and empty. Basically for me, everything depends on feelings. I am very sensitive to feelings and this is my only indication to things like this. It's like trying to search for something when you are blind. Sometimes I think I pretty much have it but I just don't know anything concrete. I remember one time that I tried so hard that even though I felt that I was beginning to get hold of something, I felt extremely exhausted afterward and I felt asleep. When I woke up, it felt as if those memories have been locked even deeper.

Despite the fact I keep telling myself that I should stop doing this because if it is true that I did have past lives then whatever happened in the past should remain in the past but if I didn't then I am just wasting my time. But I find it so hard to not think about it because of these longings and because of the fact that I keep having similar dreams and emotions that I cannot get rid of. There is one theme that keeps on recurring every now and then in my dreams. It is always about getting away from family and from a marriage. I would always be running away from my family. I always have the same exact fear and hope as I try to escape. There is always a whole troop of people looking for me. There is a sense of hope as I would always be running to something or someone because I knew THAT was where I wanted to be. But I am always too far from that place and I can never outrun the searching party. I always end up having to hide (it's always my friend who helps and hides me) and having to disguise myself. In the end, I fail and get dragged back. The sense that I got is that everyone is surprised and doesn't understand why I suddenly disappeared because everyone thought I was happy (and I thought so too at first). My fiancé is supposedly to be extremely nice and much in love and I know that I was proud and excited to be betrothed... But the thing is that I couldn't get myself to go through with it. My heart would never allow me to go against it.

I get this same exact feeling of refusing and wanting to run away in real life too. I can't help but run away from someone who likes me. It's not even an emotional response, but it's almost a physical reaction. I cannot stand to be around the guy, whoever he is, and I would turn around and walk away or avoid any contact of any sort even if I try very hard not to do that. It's never the guy himself. I don't know what it is. I just can't seem to be close to anyone romantically because it feels as if my heart is full. There are very specific traits and characteristics that would attract me but I would end up having a "crush" on someone because of that trait but not really liking that person. But sometimes I feel as if the energy of a beloved one is pulling me. I don't know if anybody else around me would have these feelings and experiences but I am afraid to tell anyone because I know that people are just going to think that I am crazy... But everything just feels so real and often times I would have pains so sharp and deep that my whole body would cringe. I don't know where all these strong emotions and pains come from but I know it can't possibly come from my life now because I have a pretty pleasant life and I have never experienced anything that would give me these feelings.

I am not very sure what I am looking for by posting this up but I guess I have been trying to get all these out for a long time... That was a lot and I sincerely thank you whoever read this...:)

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, globalheart2010, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Lyra (5 stories) (47 posts)
13 years ago (2010-11-02)
Hi globalheart2010,

Glad you posted your story. I saw this posting and most of it I felt explained exactly the way that I see myself. I would look in the mirror and while I knew this was 'me' at the same time I felt so extremely disconnected as if I'm in this body, but its not my body, its me, but the 'me' I know is somewhere else.

My thoughts of my past life seem similar as well. The memory I have is of myself at a party where I see myself as if in third person. Its as if its one of those zoom in cameras that can go 360 around myself.

The man I always remember from what I think are my past lives I can't forget about. He literally holds my heart, I can't even like another man the way I know I love him. Its as if I've given my heart to him eternally and although I can love someone in the life I now live, most of it will be with him from my past life. I can't tell if we'd been married or simply a very closer pair but I can't let go of him or that life I lived.

I keep wanting to bring my old life into this one. I can sometimes get a glance of what I know I looked like but I've never seen the full picture besides in the memories I've had. But I take that image and I try to reflect this life and my looks to that because that's all I know, and I feel if I can see myself like that again then this huge puzzle will be solved.

Along with that, I similarly scan internet articles, books, history books, encyclopedias, newspapers, and obituaries trying to tie something, anything, to that life. It feels like if I find one piece of information that I know is true, or that feels right that a huge weight will be lifted off and I'll know so much more than I do now.

I wish you the best of luck!
RiteFate (2 stories) (61 posts)
13 years ago (2010-11-01)
Engel, I feel the same way every day... I can only be my true self around my spouse who accepts me... But still can only comprehend part of what I say & go through. It is a solitary path indeed. I only feel that true connection with people on here... I feel there is an Unconditional love that is expressed on this website. Perhaps, that is why we truly are "evolved" with our SO many gifts we are given 😉

Naturalscience, you are a sweetheart for saying that... Not many would say so... So forgive me for insinuating any less from you & may god bless you abundantly ❤ ❤
Engel_97 (12 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-30)
Everyday I feel I do not belong, like I am of completely different species... Nobody can understand me. Once people start to get to know me, really know me, they are scared of me. It makes me feel lonely and depressed. I just feel like I do not belong in this time period, in the family I am currently in. I am much more mature and older than the children at my school, at least... That is what it feels like. I have just given up on being a person I want to be and being what everybody else want to see... A nice, lovable, and funny person who smiles all day. It is very angering having to deal with these modern people.

I wish I could go back. 😢
To the days I can cope with.

Aleza0520 (2 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-30)
Can someone please help me understand this! I want to learn to see auras and use my mind more but I don't know how!
light20 (34 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-30)

I guess it's wonderful to be with a physical partner or 100 partners to co-create paradise.

To treat the 20000 kids who die of starvation daily as your partners is to me very kind.

These kids could create inventions and help us move from an animal humanoid race to a civilized etheric race with true inner technology, such small femtotechnology that it seems that all they do is mind over matter and that they have no 'technology' (when seen in a life review by a less informed soul).

There are definite advantages in being spirit focused and remaining single unless you find someone [one in 10 million] who has transcended the need or desire for hugs, kisses, eating, tasty things, and all aspects of the 'hormonal biology' within humanity, etc. People call these beings Gods in human form, but they alone can truly help you connect easier with the inter-galactic will of your higher self.

The people you partner with have huge effect on your capacity to fulfill your highest destiny.


Engagement for example may be a tradition that reinforces separation and is unheard of on other planets.

The petals of your infinite roses of mercy,
Sharing their fragrance with milky way,
Bring that dawn of a new world of,
Untold beauty of beauties

~~~ ❤ ~~~
EmilyK (1 stories) (1 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-30)
I can't let go of mine either I'm completly obssed with it and think about it all the time, I'm so glad I'm not the only one:)
NaturalScience (229 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-29)
If there is a stable partnership in your life that RAISES your level of action instead of LIMITING it, the old idea about Man to be only complete with a partner IS correct. You are absolutely right to say that my circumstances and yours are quite different. Sorry if I sort of offended you.
RiteFate (2 stories) (61 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-29)
Natural Science,
Well then were I'm I in that population? I'm a 27 female, I have two kids (6 & 4), I'm married of 7yrs... And I have a Bachelors degree in Communication Disorders to help children with Speech Therapy. It is not an easy program to achieve and yet I'm living both Dreams. Its simple, Labels & Titles are only there to confuse people by limiting what there capable of achieving. It is not by means easy but well worth the end result.

Also, if it wasn't for my soulmates support I couldn't have made it in my career choice. Both my parents have NEVER been their for me...,my mom past when I was 19 and my dad was consumed with his new wife. My spouse was the only one who treated me like a person. It is different for everyone for every situation is different.
NaturalScience (229 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-29)
You should not "let go of your past lifes" but better check out what is your task in this life and what can your strange feelings and reactions be good for in this respect. Nothing is without a positive side, or a possible usefulness (with regard to the whole of Biosphere, not just to your own little life), so try to find out the useful side of your reactions.
If you have dreams that give you glimpses of what you perhaps have been in former incarnations you must write them down for perhaps you will only understand them years after having them. Writing them down also helps you to evaluate and reflect them.
As to guys I agree with light20. You call yourself GlobalHeart. If this means that you got the whole planet in your heart then it is well possible that having a guy, or a husband, would mean a waste of energies to you.
I meself should better have stayed away from all that "love-and-marriage" crap because of this reason but I've been sort of brainwashed by my mom who was always behaving as if she was pitying me for not having a guy, although she had had much more trouble and grief with "male humans" in her own life than good feelings and I thought normally she should be real glad of me having no guy but she was not, and finally I thought that her reactions meant that one is only then a normal person, or a complete person, if one has a partner and that was a big mistake!
No matter how many "life-help" and "psycho" books tell people that this old (originally Jewish) idea is correct - it does NOT apply to everyone. If someone has already dedicated his heart to the whole of Life on Earth, or to some other superior task, he/she must NOT listen to advice of that kind. The origin of this idea is that Man is to reproduce and to be prolific as Holy Bible says but this commandment applies to Mankind as a race, not to every specimen of Homo sapiens. In fact, there is human population enough on Earth to allow at least ten per cent of all males and also at least ten percent of all females to keep away from sex and marriage in order to "give fruit by our brains instead of being prolific with our bellies; the least stray dog is able to fill Earth with his offspring but Man can do more" (Pearl S. Buck, in "East Wind - West Wind", 1950s)
epoy1984 (14 stories) (644 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-29)
I was once asked myself if I have a past life or not before I go to bed the next thing happened is that one night as I am sleeping silently I remembered having a vivid dream of myself as a very skilled knights templar riding a horse and holding a sword and a cross shield on me. I am not so sure if it was only a simple vivid dream or my past life. Good day 😊
light20 (34 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-29)
hey love of a thousand planets - lol, it's good to be pulled away from romance.

Universal love has something to do with romance, yet not too much, because romance is very focused on one person - while universal love is focused on the whole galaxy.

So, what you experience often is the dance between your higher celestial detached impartial higher self - which is all knowing of divine inter-galactic will - and the lower human self - which is ignorant and has a tendency to follow the brainwashing of this planet's beliefologies and spiritual paths-religions.


As other planets have no reproductive organs or even genders, it's hard while an earthling to transcend the DNA brainwashing.

But as you tune into the subtlest beyond words guidance of higher nature feelings of infinite bliss-mercy - you'll see daily that there is an advantage to being uninvolved romantically with fellow biological human bodies and an advantage to keep your goals purely 'etheric' and higher intelligence merged.

As some say,
From my world to thine,

❤ ❤
RiteFate (2 stories) (61 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-28)
I just wrote a thread about past lives if you want to read it.

From my experience, most of us have past lives... And the reason is so we can finish were we started off from. As souls we learn very slow in our lessons, so we have to "repeat" until we get it right.
I have met my soulmate (husband) 7yrs ago... Before him I was very picky on who I dated. I felt I knew EXACTLY what I wanted... But no one fit the profile. So I ended up dating guys I didn't like so I could feel "normal."

My guess is... That your soul might already know your soulmate and where he is, but the time isn't right to meet him yet. Your PUSHING to make it right now... And not truly living in the moment. If both of yours higher-self planned to meet, then it will... But you have to let go for now and just live your life or you might miss something Important.
mcgrimus (1 stories) (5 posts)
13 years ago (2010-10-28)
First of all, thank you for the articulate post, despite how hard it must have been to put these feelings into words. It certainly does sound like you are carrying strong emotions from previous lives. If you can find a decent and respectable hypnotherapist who does past life regressions, I think bringing one or more of these lives to your conscious mind would definitely help clarify what you're feeling.

The book Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss gives an excellent account of a woman with unexplainable fears and anxieties who was helped greatly through hypnosis and past life regression. Given that these emotions that you feel are so strong, I'd say you'd probably have little trouble recalling your past lives.

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