When I was 3-4 I went to a Christmas party with my family. The children were all handed gifts by Santa. Everyone got toys, and I got a dictionary. It wasn't websters. I got the picture in my mind but I can't show you. I can see where my dad used to keep it in the house. But not its location now unfortunately.
As I was walking back to my seat a seemingly reasonable guy popped into my head and said something that made me feel like I was a bad person to my siblings. My dad was my first impression. But something made me think it may not be him. I wondered how he did that, and knew how to do that myself eventually. Though now it doesn't work sometimes.
When I was older "remembering" things was really easy, and homework wasn't work at all. A different guy popped in during grade 5 and mentioned I shouldn't get all the questions right or else people might start to wonder. I could tell he was way older than me. But that was about it.
Later while playing video games. The first guy (I think) let me know that I was looking things up in the akashic records. Of course I didn't believe him at all. Because I'm pretty low on myself, and didn't think I could do anything special. So I did what came naturally to me and checked him out. When he first came in to tell me I was scared I might loose this 'gift' I didn't know I had. That was the first impression I got. Cautiously I looked on and saw he had a few of his friends. Then I saw something that made me freak out and want to get far away from him. (this happens often)
With my vedio games I could always "remember" where to go and see exactly what I needed to do when I wasn't sure. I just got done the water temple in zelda. And I was trying to wonder how to get the ruby coin out of the bottom of the deeper part of the tank in the building outside of the temple. The descriptions could go on I have the picture right here. But I couldn't figure it out! I was so pissed! It seamed as though there was this man in the way. Though I could have been wrong. When I wined this guy came "in" of course it was just in thought, and he was what I could only describe as dark. I had to shut it out, he was too mean and I didn't know what was going on. I had to make up a happy story calm myself.
There was this really rude girl in my grade. Gauntlet legends was the game of choice for this pondering. I decided to use this skill to try and check out why she was so rude (which way I do too often. Foolishly). I didn't get anywhere before a guy popped in and did something funky and I had to leave. No answers at all.
So that's kind of how I figure out who's around me. Though it's kind of invasive... It's a natural way to do things for me. I love checking out people this way, you instantly figure out what kind of person they are when they react.
Something was up later with what seamed like this old guy and I could see, it seamed dangerous stuff. I was a teen by this time. I shut down. Had to forget what went on. (stuff like this happened more than a few times)
During high school I smoked a lot of pot. I was wondering weather I needed to remember any of my schooling but it was kind of difficult to get a straight up answer.
Then my brother came down with schizophrenia... Of course I tried to figure out what happened (don't EVER do that) I got an answer... But the guy wouldn't let me look it up... After that came tons of warnings, and scary stuff which I had to blank out. Until I was so frazzled... Trying to un-frazzled now. Anyho. Don't think about that part there's other stuff.
Turns out my first long term boyfriend's story was told to me (by him?). He 'came' when I was crying about how horrible people are, and told me how he had to steal for his food. But by the time this had happened I'd already lied to my self a million times and couldn't be sure if it was him or not. He says he knows everything about me and says he's been there all along... To bad he was so manipulative. I remember when he first 'helped' not clearly enough though, he thought a lot for me. I disagreed with him, I thought he wasn't that nice but I'm a slow thinker and couldn't keep up with him. No one else I knew was helping my situation, so I stuck it out. He had me doubt all my friendships (which were few since it was hard liking people while knowing stuff) he thinks really quick (I enjoy watching those ppl) though I can't tell you if it was him "with" me or not. But those were definitely somethings he did while he was physically with me.
I met him when I was 19. When I decided I kind of wanted to be with the guy and I was wondering how to approach him. Someone said, just say "how romantic" to him... (talk about people having control over my life much hey...) cody thought I was clear minded and actually knew what he thought. Which I should have been able to do but I couldn't seam to figure that out clearly by then. I definitely wouldn't have dated the guy if I knew. We were really close though, I could feel him pushing me around a lot it wore on me, but I seamed safe. Not from him... But that was ok.
Last year pulled me to him when I played online games with him in another city. It's like we were playing in the same room... Unfortunately I'd been through to much to enjoy it and felt like I was dieing. I couldn't keep up with him... That used to not be an issue.
I had almost unlimited patience and that's something I was very proud of. I was playing games one day but I got supper pissy over nothing. When I wondered what a picture of guy and his friends popped up. I'm not entirely sure what happened but I can usually see who. This happened after I moved out when I was 20-21ish. Still playing video games.
Now I'm finding extremely tough to act like myself. Things get dark then I get angry or really weird. I guess this is what happens when you go unguarded.
I've witnessed people take traits like that from me, and I can take on traits/feelings from others as well, though I'd really rather restrain.
Unfortunately it's been a bit unclear sometimes lately... And way more weird now. Some of the weirdness is just of my doing since I can't really deal with what's going through my head sometimes traumatic flash back and all that wonderful.