I'm brand new to this site; I have several stories and don't know where to start! I guess the first experience that I would like some feedback on is the stuff that's really scared me.
About a year ago, I went through a period of time in which I was having nightmares almost every night, for maybe a week or two. The nature of these nightmares was always violent, and frequently ended in my death, which was almost always the same: I was stabbed with a medium-length blade in the left of my stomach, above the hip.
I also began having nightmares that I was being fed upon. Something would pin me down and basically eat my essence, if that makes sense. I felt like parts of myself were being sucked out through my chest. I experienced this in a half-awake state as well. I woke up once, after much tossing and turning, to find my upper body flailing up, like there was a string pulling straight at my heart. My spine sort of rolled, and my arms and head went back. I think my legs stayed in place. I fell back down and it didn't happen again.
Around this same time, one particular night, my dogs (I used to have two) woke me up at around 2:30, both wanting to go outside. I grudgingly got up, let them outside, and went back to bed. My bedroom floor at this time was covered in clothes, due to my being extremely messy. After lying in bed for a few moments, I heard the distinctive noise of footsteps on cloth. I wanted to hide under my covers, but I had heard that negative spirits expect you to lie down and take whatever they're dealing, so instead, I jumped out of bed and firmly said, "NO. This is NOT happening!". I went downstairs, brought my dogs back in, returned to my room, turned out the light, and returned to bed. Again, I looked around the room and said, "NO". I was not bothered again that night.
I haven't had an experience like this in around a year.
I still have weird senses right before I go to sleep, if I'm alone. Recently, however, my boyfriend and I have been spending pretty much every night together, and I feel much safer. I haven't had an experience like last year in quite some time, but I do have a legitimate problem with anxiety now. My mind is constantly buzzing with thoughts. Often these thoughts are very discouraging, and I can sometimes recognize thoughts that are just flat out not mine. I am a pacifistic, open-minded, loving person; but sometimes thoughts pop into my head that say terrible things: Comments of a violent or racist nature. I can be around my best friend, and I'll start thinking things like "You dirty little b****, I'll f****** kill you". It's terrible. It's not me.
Can anyone offer advice on this problem, please? Part of me is afraid that maybe I'm like... A bad person, and just can't admit it to myself. Thoughts?