For years now I have experienced premonitions, seen spirits, deja vu, and visions. At first when I was a kid I blew it all off as my imagination and that it would just go away. As the years passed however I came to realize that there was much more to what I was feeling and seeing. Especially when I became physically ill at the age of 9 when my mom was being hospitalized while I was at school.
In the past six months my visions have picked up considerably to the point where I have come to realize that I am doing and saying everything that I had seen myself doing before. I have gone through entire days and even weeks realizing I had seen it before in a dream or in a vision while I was awake. I saw myself getting a job and losing it because I had countless numbers of doctors appts because of this so called gift frustrating me and giving me headaches. I have seen events from my college courses and what the outcome is. I am not at all enthusiastic about what I am going through to be honest.
I have gotten choked, scratched, my hair pulled by things I don't see. I have had ghosts in my home that made my life a living nightmare because they influenced my emotions.
I saw myself typing this even. I feel like I am losing my mind, I hear a voice in my head telling me what will happen and who is involved, what will be said next, what will occur. Never exact dates but they are close to when I realize they will happen. It's getting to a point where I feel like I am losing all control of my life. I absolutely fear my own thoughts and dreams, I get panic attacks and want to just huddle into a ball in a room with no windows so I don't go into my vision states.
I have smelled smoke days before wildfires, I have had dreams about natural disasters, I have seen planes and realized one would crash that day, and I have guessed down to the wire what someone would do and say. It is frightening and traumatic and I have never felt like this is a blessing. I don't know how to stop this and I just want to have some calm and normalcy in my life before I go completely insane.