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Turn Of Dream And Seeing Kikusha


Thursday, August 18th, 2011

I just wanted to share a weird thing that happened. It was just before the thunderstorm.

I was dreaming, and it wasn't anything particularly interesting. Just some oddball dream I was having. I was moving things, I think I was moving into another house somewhere. What's important is that I wasn't upset, or sad, or angry, or anything. I don't remember much about the early parts of the dream.

In the part that is important, I was standing by (I guess) my bed (though nothing in the house was familiar), and I looked down at the ground and there was an area rug on the floor. It was all wrinkled and half under the bed and I thought "I'd better straighten that, or someone may trip" So I reached down and tugged it to straighten it, and this dark, furry monster-like being gave a loud screech and shot out from under the bed and out the door. It moved too fast to get a good look at it, and it was incredibly shrill and loud. I wasn't scared in my dream, though I admit, I probably should have been; it was a frightening sight. But I wasn't scared. I just calmly watched where it ran and said "that creature was my guilt manifesting itself".

Then I woke up. I thought it was strange, but just a weird turn of my dream. I looked at the clock, and it was just before 3 am. Then, I looked at the window, and I swear, I SWEAR I saw Kikusha.

Turn Of Dream And Seeing Kikusha

~ (Quick history: Kikusha was my beautiful tortoiseshell cat. She had something wrong with her, because she puked constantly. It caused much fighting in the home because for a while I had to move back in with my parents until I got back on my feet financially. They didn't want her destroying their home, (understandable) so I was always arguing with them about her. They wanted me to have her put to sleep. I tried everything. I spent hundreds to thousands of dollars I didn't have at the vets to try to help her. (Which I'm still paying off in credit card debt). Trust me, if I could at least credit card the bill, I tried it. Even the vet agreed that nothing else I could do was within my budget (and I went to the top of the line vet for cats). So after one final argument, I couldn't take the fighting anymore and had her put down. I don't believe in regrets, but I have to say, I regret my decision. If I could have put up with 3 more months of arguing, she would still be alive and with me now (I moved out 3 months later). She was only 5 years old. Now I'm empathetic and therefore emotional to begin with, and I LOVE my cats. Cats are my favorite animals, and my passion. I learn about them, volunteer at the shelters for them, grow catnip and make toys to donate... I adore them, and they are my cause. So I am rather haunted by the fact that I betrayed my beautiful baby and had her put down. It's something I can't forgive myself for.) ~

It was a black silhouette of her, but her. She was sitting behind the fan on the dresser looking out the window at the oncoming storm. I had to rub my eyes, and look over and over, but sure enough it was her. She was moving her head back and forth, like she was watching something outside. Then finally, knowing it wasn't my eyes or imagination, I sat up in bed, while staring at it (her) the whole time. Only when I sat up did it fade into the normal shadows of the bedroom.

And to clarify, it wasn't one of my current cats. Trixy was sleeping on my head as usual, and Cheeto was in his usual place on the floor. (Plus, Cheeto is too fat to jump up on that high dresser anyway. He's a floor kitty).

I do feel a huge amount of guilt over Kikusha. I think about her all the time, but that night, I wasn't really thinking about it. And even if I had a nightmare that I connected to her why would I wake up and see her if she wasn't really there? I've had several nightmares where I saw her in the dream, but didn't wake to actually see her. This dream, she was not in at all, and it had nothing to do with her. That is why I find this visit so curious. I think she really was there, and I somehow knew it while I was sleeping. This then lead to me feeling guilt, which my subconscious then applied to my regularly boring dream, and in turn, woke me up to see her there.

Anyone have any other theories? I have very good vision, particularly good night vision, and I know I wasn't imagining this.

I also have read that our missing passed loved ones is what tends to keep them stuck in a lower plane, rather than them moving on to better things. I don't want her to be stuck anywhere due to my guilt and sadness, but at the same time, I don't know how to forgive myself for having her put down. She still had a long life ahead of her (theoretically). How can I come to terms with my decision to have her put down after never really knowing what was wrong with her to begin with?

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, stephyw2001, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
13 years ago (2011-08-23)
Thank you both for commenting. It is neat that she came to visit, and even better that she seemed peaceful, doing what she always used to do. That does make me feel slightly better.

Deepthoughts, that's interesting about "tugging" at the guilt, and having it run away. It really probably is time that I let it go. I had to put her down almost exactly a year and a half ago, so it really is probably going on too long.

I'll do my best. If there's one thing I'm sure of, its that all my cats know they're loved. Even Cheeto. That little fatty... ❤
Deepthoughts (3 stories) (11 posts)
13 years ago (2011-08-22)
I'm trying to develop my claircognizance so I'm just going to tell you what came to my mind as soon as I read your story.

I feel like you tugging the rug that then screeched and ran out of the door and you saying it was your guilt was a pretty clear sign. You then woke up to your cat doing what it always did at the window.

To me, when you entered the room and tugged on your guilt... You had nothing to be guilty of. To awaken to your cat, knowing that you felt guilt... I feel that could have been your cats way of telling you it's ok. You did what was needed at the time, and I know it was heartbreaking, and you can bring up all of the what if's in the world... But you really didn't have any other choice.

You said you didn't really know what was wrong with her. What if you kept pouring money into helping her when what she really needed was to be where she IS.

I think your guilt ran away screeching because it's time for you to let your guilt go.

When I was younger we had a German Shepherd. We had gates maybe 6ft high and a warning sign but a lady came to read our electricity metre and decided to climb the gate. Our dog, Max, bit into her hip and she ended up having to go to hospital. We had had other incidents where he had nipped other people and my mum decided it was best to put him down.
She still feels guilt today because she feels there could have been a way around what happened. I ended up seeing Max, years later, in a meditation and I was told my mum shouldn't be guilty, she did what she thought was right, he was ok and he is still around.

Everything happens for a reason! I know some things are horrible and don't seem to have an obvious reason but we have to remember that we've acted with love, kindness and compassion and have done everything in our power to make things right.
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
13 years ago (2011-08-22)
You were awake but you were also still relaxed (you may have read the many times I use the three B's of bed, bath and bus for inspiration and altered states). I think it neat that your cat came to pay you a visit. I recently read in several Near Death Experiences where pets were waiting on the other side for us when we pass over. How cool is that? I have two dogs myself that I love like family and it's my hope that they too will pay me a visit and be there for my crossing.

Her suffering is over. What a relief. No more vomiting, fighting with your dog or any other physical hardship she or any of us go through. I hope you can feel relief from that.

Have a good day and thank you for sharing your story.
stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
13 years ago (2011-08-22)
Thank you for commenting Anne, you always have good advice. The only thing I wonder is, I was not sleeping when I saw her. I was sleeping when I saw the creature that was my "guilt" but I woke up after that, and was fully awake.

I guess, what I should say is I saw her as many people describe a "shadow person" but this was my "shadow cat" and I knew it was her, because I recognized her silhouette. Are shadow people generally recognizable?

She also wasn't screaming for attention either, she didn't seem to care at all that I was there, she was just looking out the window like she always used to, her head moving back and forth, like she was watching something interesting. Only when I sat up in bed did she fade into the shadows.

I've never seen anything like that before. 😕
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
13 years ago (2011-08-22)
You did the right thing for what you were dealing with in that moment. Hindsight is always 20/20. We don't learn by knowing the future. It's kept hidden for a reason. You could have been living there for who knows how long and you only have so much money to sink into your pet. Who doesn't have regret over things like this? But what is done is done. You've got other pets now that need your love and focus.

When we are coming in and out of sleep, our etheric body often becomes unaligned with our physical and we can then see through closed eyelids and also into the etheric itself. I have this happen all the time. I'll see the ceiling in perfect clarity, not knowing my physical eyes are shut. Then I'll startle awake and the two align again. You probably saw the astral counterpart to your pet.

A cat to move on after death? Many humans can't move on after death. Your cat probably doesn't even know it's dead and may be screeching to get your attention (humans do the same thing - they yell at the living). If you can, try and program your sleep (which is basically an astral experience but your subconscious mind is running the show), to see your cat, and send it love. Try and let your guilt go. It's not serving either of you. Forgive yourself for any perceived wrong doing you think you did and try and find some positive thoughts to focus on. I know this is hard. I'm sure most of us hold onto guilt far longer than we should. I've recently gone through this myself but had to eventually say, "enough already!" And if you don't move on, you too will be stuck in a lower plane. You don't want that.

Love is the key. Love yourself for being human like the rest of us. Love your cat and let it go and if she comes back, send her love and light. She will eventually move on.

And as for "never" knowing what her sickness was; that's not true. You too will one day die and then you will know everything. All this is temporary.

Best to you.

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