As we take our first breath into this life, it is our breath of life as well as our first breath of death; two sides of a coin that eternally coexist to balance out one another. Without one another we forget to look beyond what is given, and sometimes we look at the extremes of only one side. We forget our objectives and our reason and are caught up in such details we forget to look at the whole.
Let me share with you a slice of my life. I have a sudden urge to just share. It is not wild, crazy, spooky, or grand, it is just a piece of my actions that created a cause and became the effect. As time went by it later on it became my memory that now merged with my thoughts. From these thoughts it becomes my experiences that I learned and grew from.
As a kid it was a blessing and curse to be ignorant. Nothing mattered except my small close knit family, my few friends, and myself. I must admit I was pretty self-centered and acted like a spoiled kid. I didn't know what my abilities were and I was terrified of the unknown. This one experience I do remember, it all started with me just falling half asleep. My eyes were closed and my body was in a sleep mode and my mind was roaming and relaxing. All of a sudden I could feel the vibration of my mind and body shaking like a drill drilling into my third eye. I would feel myself lift out slowly as if something was pulling me out. It was terrifying as a kid; I would feel my sweat rolling down my face and body; I was trying so hard not to leave my body. As I was struggling, I felt and saw a huge cloud of rolling darkness covering my mind's eye. It was like ominous thunderclouds creeping slowly to me as if it was trying to gobble me up.
Unexpectedly on the corner of my eyes, I saw a streak of lightning fast white light. I cowered in fear and awe. I heard and felt the clashes of metal swords contacting with every flash of light. It was rapid, quick, and powerful with every strike I could feel the vibration of the swords. The sound of metal reminded me of a katana against a broad sword, I don't know how I knew this but the ring of the metal could be felt from the vibrations that they gave off. The power of the light energy was extraordinary and I felt it engulf me, I felt safe but was still afraid of the darkness. (A typical dark versus light fights.) I woke up in cold sweat and looked around my room, expecting to see the darkness still there. At first I thought it was just my imagination, but when you feel the energy and participated in the event, you just can't forget this dream.
As time went on, the same out of body experience happened every once in a while. Each with a different story and experience, most of the time, it was just a struggle to fight to stay in my body. The fear to meet that same lurking darkness that I met when I was a kid, now I go back and try to observe and understand what I was going through.
In my third year of College I meet particular groups of roommates. One was my best friend that I knew since high school, the second I met in 2nd year of college (I'll call her Lilith, something about her seem off as if she was hiding things from me), and the third I met through my best friend (I'll call her "Queen," I definitely knew I wouldn't get along with her). First off let me describe what kind of personality they have, 1. Best friend had a tendency to talk behind people back but she was a true friend you won't find as easily. 2. Lilith was a great deceiver, her mask was changing constantly. 3. Queen is an over dramatic and a sex addict. I'm not trying to put them down; this was how they usually act. Not sure if they still act this way, not sure or care, because it is there life and how they want to handle it they choose the directions they wanted to go.
The beginning of the fall semester, while we were moving in, my best friend dad said something interesting to her. She told me that her dad was really uncomfortable at her staying there. He felt it was unsafe and dangerous and asked her many times if she wanted to move out into an apartment. She declined and they moved in. Now this is where it gets a bit more interesting. When Lilith and Queen came to unpack, he told her that he had a really uncomfortable feeling between the two and disliked them immediately, but she brushed aside his warning and continued unpacking.
On the month of October, Lilith wanted to play with the ouji board and she asked all three of us if we wanted to join. I knew that the ouji board was bad, but did not understand why and what problems it could cause. Queen joined in because she didn't know. My best friend was terrified, but curious. We both watched in the side line as she asked questions of her supposed new boyfriend. The questions. Were so typical. I had to roll my eyes a couple times because she could of just went up to him and asked. When she was done, she said her goodbye and she looked at all. She reached out her hands and told us to feel how cold her hand was. I didn't think much about the whole incident after that.
As days went by the room was getting colder, I personally thought it was because it was fall and cold was just creeping into the dorm. But strangely enough it wasn't. The temperature was 70 degrees and it felt like it was 60s. My best friend complained that she felt really uncomfortable being home alone in the living room where she did her work. We were always busy doing our homework and stay out late in the computer labs to finish what we were doing.
One particular night I remember working in the lab and I got a phone call from my best friend, she told me to hurry up and come home now. I panicked thinking something bad must of happen, like someone got hurt or even a fire started. I ran and rushed into the dorm and when I went in the whole room felt icy cold. Her work that she was doing was left on the table and her door to her room was closed. I knocked on her door and came in. She came up to me and said she was terrified. She didn't know why or what was making her scared and she had to go into the room.
As days went by, all four of us started to become more isolated. The room became frequently cold, and we blame each other for the unfortunate events. As it became closer to the end of November, the fights between roommates became more frequent and often. Lilith saw a black shadow through the mirrors of my best friend and it freaked all three of them out. I personally was sleeping in my room not knowing why all three of them was sleeping in my best friend room.
By the beginning of December and the end of the Semester, Lilith and Queen got to the point where they hated each other guts. And one day Lilith found a small snake in her room. She was terrified and was crying and the unexpected turn of event. We slowly drifted apart once again. Lilith was still playing and making her own boards by herself and in her own room. How do I know this. Because she would do it in her free time everywhere around the school. As well as her telling me that she play with it on her own free time.
A new semester started, and the dorm felt eerily cold. I hated it. Personally I hate coldness and any change of temperature change makes me a bit cranky. Queen failed her semester and she left making it the three of us. As the day went by, I had this chilling feeling that there were two specific people standing in front of my room. One a tall male and the second one a small child size boy, both gave me the sense of malice and hate. They stared and followed me everywhere I went. I was terrified to the point I had to put on Christian music or any kind of music that had to do with god. My best friend agreed with me that there were something there watching us. She even sprinkled holy water throughout the whole house because it was making her nervous.
This was the time when I started to realize what kind of gift I had, and the unknown was becoming known. It is and still is a rollercoaster ride in uncovering the things that I haven't realized. Even my friends who visited and slept over were unnerved by the cold feeling of the house. Truthfully I can say was the two supposed "safe zone" was my best friend room with all her catholic items and my room. Something kept it from entering both of our rooms. Days felt longer, the dark shadows became stronger. As the months passed by, it slowly was making its way into my room; it just never got close to my bed.
While I was meditating and relaxing, through my third eye, I saw black claw like hand reach out to my throat and choke me for a split second. I couldn't breathe, but I was FURIOUS that it came in my room. I yelled "GET OUT!" and walked it out the door and closed it. When it was all over I was shaking and went into my bed and slept.
Summer came and I went home happy to leave that awful place. But In reality, whatever was there followed me home. I had a couple of visits, but something was keeping it at bay. It wasn't as intense but I was still creep out. The summer was the time, when my gifts blossomed further. To hearing, feeling, sensing, and knowing all opened slowly but quickly.
As I grew stronger, and my awakening was fully in development, it somehow was kicked out. Till this day, I am not so sure how I did it. I am truthfully confused. I did have help from couple of people, but they did not take part in casting out the dark spirits. I realized now, that it was one of the many demons that I faced in my life.
Where am I going with this story, I personally do not know. Am I supposed to make it into a grand epic story? Not really. Even I don't know where this is going to begin or end at. There have been many more experiences that I went through, each with a different lesson, thoughts, and experiences. All I do know is that I wanted to share, and what you get out of this I am not sure.
My life continues on the cycle of life. Every step becomes a challenge; every step becomes a reward, each tackled by my own choice. I arrived at a destination, and I moved forward to the next. Sometimes there are two apparent directions that are given to me and it becomes hard to choose from. Sometimes I don't like the choices that are laid out in front of me and I decide to create a third unknown path that leads into the tall grass. The grasses are so high and thick that you cannot see where you are headed, but what I can always do is to look back and check if I am going the correct path if I become lost. What is odd about this wisdom is that I learned this from a demon. You might think, "What does she mean, she must be crazy!" Demons are the type that possess people, scare the crap out of you and want your soul, well yes that is true, but I am not trying to beautify them or even encourage to try to be buddy buddy with them. It just happened, when I had an unexpected conversation with one. In another story, maybe someday I shall share. Truly god does place things in odd perplexing ways. The good is used for bad and bad is used for good and vice versa, such simple but complex loop that becomes an infinite loop of possibilities.
I couldn't reach back to you through email so I was coming over here to leave the link and I found this wonderful piece you wrote.
It reminded me of our conversations from earlier this year, and I was wondering if the spirit that was hounding you was what you had been talking about back then. I have a feeling it was. Now, do you still remember what I had revealed to you about my mother? Do you think perhaps you may have done that with that spirit long ago without consciously being aware of what you were doing? Because I do feel that may be a possibility. My mother was not taught how to do what she found herself capable of doing. She stumbled upon it on her own. This is what I've recently been told anyway. Who really knows how this works? One day you are clueless to the existence of the other side, the next day you wake up with an ability you had no idea wa even possible.
As for your piece here, it reminds me of a line from an old Joni Mitchell song that read "We're captured on the carousel of time. We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came. And go round and round and round in the circle game"
Here's that link...