I will begin by saying that I have always had the sense of something other than myself that I have always believed to be other's emotions, feelings, or intentions. I never put much weight into it, though, until more recently when I received numerous confirmations of what I was feeling. So, I do know for a fact that I am sensing others around me, which explains why being out and around many people completely exhausts me and possibly makes my body hurt, but I'm not real sure about that.
My family I believe has psychic genetics, but all of my aunts and my mother are also very religious which has completely skewed their views of these abilities. Numerous aunts have mentioned that our family is cursed. My mother has talked about being tormented by demons since she was a small child, but will not go further than that because she says that the Bible teaches against talking about them. Although she does have dreams that she says come true. Sometimes she will call to check on all of her children because she had another dream and couldn't tell who exactly it was about. Like I said, though, she if very vague and will not get into specifics. This is how I feel my aunts are also. Since I was very young I have been taught that anything spiritual or psychic is bad and brings great wrath upon someone, so I have had fear of seeking anything further than the feelings I get around people. Until lately anyway.
My mother married a man when I was about 10 or 11 and his mother was a psychic that traveled around. My mom always told us not to bother her when she would stop by and stay at the house, but my sister and I being curious once asked her to read our palms and those of our friends. She was hesitant at first but then agreed as long as we did not tell my mother. I was the last to have it done, but she sort of just stopped doing mine and didn't really give me a reason. She had told my friends and sister so many things and I just felt awful because I didn't get a reading. It has always bothered me as why she stopped to suddenly.
As a young adult, I took a path away from religion to seek deeper answers for the feelings that I have, which has helped to grow within me a deeper sense of connection to the power that is within all things. I have and continue to contemplate deep within myself. For the most part I feel so strongly that the world is falling apart and that I cannot help it, but some days I am given hope that some will listen to the deeper message that lies in wait all around us. I have begun to speak to an entity that I feel is near me and is here to help me, be it spirit guide or angel. I try to be a positive force.
I have also begun to try and put a shield of protection around my home, which at first I thought I was imagining until my daughter said that she doesn't see the shadows beings at the house because of the protection. She said this like I had told her about it or something, and I had only been doing this in my mind at night before going to sleep and never mentioned it to anyone.
So, this is where I have hit a wall so to speak, two of my children have said they see large black figures, which I have never seen, but don't really know what to do about other than the protection. I also wonder too if I astral project at night sometimes. When I do the protection of the home I feel as though I am in the air above my house looking down and pulling together this light shield down over the house. I do lucid dream, like I am awake and actually experiencing the dream in real life. I have crazy deja vu all the time. I do hurt terribly, though. I can't figure out why I still experience such pain in my body except that it keeps me grounded in a path of continued growth. Like the pain is a daily reminder that I need to continue to search for a deeper connection. I feel as though I am stuck to the point of frustration.
So if anyone has suggestions please feel free.
Thanks for reading.