So my dad committed suicide one year ago and I have been through a hard time since. At the time he left me I could not have been doing better. I had graduated HS been accepted into a University, and was already taking college courses. I was happy, healthy, and had a clear mind, worry free. Well all of this changed when he passed. Out of my family I coped the worst. I didn't want to be around anybody, I didn't want to do anything at all, could care less about eating, I just had to because or else my body would be hungry and that would be more uncomfortable. So I started smoking marijuana which was a poor decision for someone who beforehand had no energy and zest for life but I still did, because I didn't care about anything anymore. So I did this for the whole summer and when time came to go to college, I couldn't. My brain was in no shape to go away to college and I panicked and found myself being hospitalized and they called it a psychotic episode. It was me panicking because I couldn't believe my dad had left me when I was soo exited and ready for college, but he did, and I was upset with myself that I could no longer go to college and I had no idea when I would be ready.
So my attitude freaked out my mom and I got sent away for like a year. This whole year I was on meds, and since the meds I started hearing voices, no hallucinations, just voices.
Then early this summer a place finally took me off of them. This is when the weird stuff started happening. Like other than the normal "doctor I'm hearing voices" stuff I was being spoken to and controlled. Like there was and still is something helping me and hindering me. Like it talks to me and controls me and it's freaky. Like right when I was getting off the meds I was happy because I knew I had to stay sober to have a shot at a happy life again, and this thing takes me over. It talks to me in different voices, it won't tell me if its human or a spirit or whatever it is. Sometimes I'll feel like I have control than it will make fun of me or convince me its helping me and I really want to know is this a person on this earth?
Can anyone control someone's mind to this extent? Or is this one of these spirit things actually? Really want to get to the bottom of this and what's going to happen to me, please feel free to comment, if you believe you know what's going on or if you have experience. And, I do know for a fact I'm not psychotic, or schizo, or any of that because I'm off meds, drugs, I have been evaluated by doctors, I'm in perfect health, its just this thing keeps controlling me. Its nuts. Alright, enough from me, please comment lol.
Example- I'll look at an apple, and not be hungry for the apple, and the voice will like speak to me in like some silent voice but I understand what they say and they'll be like "oh really?" and I'll look at the apple and I'll be hungry for it and want it. Like the craziest stuff.