When I was a child, and into my early college years, it was not unusual for 'weird' things to happen to me. For example, I often dreamed and those dreams would come true. I also had random things pop into my head (like names of people I haven't seen or spoken to in years, or a book that I couldn't remember the title of from when I was a kid) and the next day that person would either contact me or I would stumble across the book in a store. I felt the emotions of others and I still dislike being touched (or crowded) by most strangers. I also saw the soul of my grandfather after he died but before it went to wherever souls go.
So, needless to say I was used to strange things going on around me. In college I met a teacher who really gave me the guidance that I needed at that time. Part of me was uncomfortable with something about him, but I craved acceptance and was struggling to find my place in the world. He taught meditation and how to be aware of your surroundings. One day during a meditation I went deeper than I ever had before, and I reached a place of pure calm and (not to sound cheesy) knowing, but something happened. I just remember feeling complete and utter terror and I felt like I slammed a door closed in my mind and retreated. Not long after during a sensitivity class the teacher did an example of how you could project negative awareness towards someone like a knife, with me as the receiver. It left me shaking and wanting to throw up. It felt like someone had hit my mind with a baseball bat. Needless to say, I did not go back. (Fast forward a few years and the man is in jail for attempted murder. I guess now I know why some part of me was uncomfortable around him.)
After that I no longer had the dreams, barely any premonitions (although they still do happen on occasion. Instead of weekly its now maybe a few times a year) and everything feels muffled. Like before I could hear whispers, and now it takes shouting to get my attention. Part of me is still afraid to open up my mind. Is this something I did to myself, putting up a wall or did I somehow damage myself? Is there a way to open up my mind but still stay protected?
Thank you for your time, and any help would be appreciated.
I just recently learned that I'm not "crazy" like everyone says.
I am empathic with moderately strong ESP.
I am a newborn when it comes to anything of this sort.
I need guidance more than anything but have no where to turn.
This story and the comments are uplifting.