First of all, if I'm posting this in the wrong place or something, I'm incredibly sorry. I'm brand new to this site and I'm not yet familiar with all the features. I've seen several questions people have submitted questioning their experiences, and honestly I don't know where else to go with these questions.
Basically, I'm the youngest of four children. When my mother was in the earliest stages of her pregnancy with me, before she even knew about me, my brother (the closest sibling in age to me who was still a baby at the time) passed away in a terrible accident. My parents and other siblings were obviously devastated and they had kind of decided that when I was born they wouldn't really tell me about my brother dying because they didn't want me to live in fear of being hurt. They did their best as I was growing up to never act like anything bad would ever happen to me, but I did kind of grow up with a fear of almost everything. But when I was a toddler just learning how to talk, my first word according to my parents was brother. I would point to pictures of my brother and talk about him like I knew him. It kind of puzzled my parents but they never encouraged or discouraged me talking about him, and they (now) tell me that they always thought it was interesting the kinds of things I would say about him since I'd never even met him or heard about him and because my parents were very careful about never bringing him up in my presence or leading me to discuss him.
By the time I was three, when I would say my prayers at night (my family was Catholic and I devoutly believed in God) I would pray for my family and then ask God to let me speak with my brother. I never saw him or anything, but it was almost like talking on a telephone. I would tell him I loved him just like if we'd been raised together and tell him Mommy and Daddy missed him and everything and then he would say something short and simple like "tell everyone I'm fine" or "I love you all". Nothing of true importance, just something small and comforting.
As I grew up, I continued speaking with him throughout the day every day and honestly felt as close or closer to him than even my living siblings. I would always give my family his messages and they never told me whether or not I was really hearing him or whether they were concerned about my mental health or anything, they mostly just observed without giving much help and I never knew it was something some people would consider strange.
When I reached the age of six or seven, though, it all stopped. I still spoke to him but he never really spoke back. I finally grew "out of it" and stopped even trying to talk to him because he'd kind of left me and I couldn't hear him anymore. I never thought about it again until I became a teenager when occasionally I would get a strange, cold feeling or see little shadows or just things that didn't belong. At that point, I told my therapist who put me on anti-psychotics in case it was hallucinations but they never went away from the medication, I just kind of out grew them the way I outgrew my brother.
I'm now in my twenties and have a child of my own who reminds me a lot of my brother in some way I can't really put my finger on. But then again, their genetically related so it would make sense that they would look a lot alike. I recently had a conversation with my parents and they told me about how they thought maybe I'd known my brother before I was born or something and that we just had a close connection and that they'd always believed me but they didn't want me to think I was different or weird or anything so they never let on. With that new encouragement, I desperately want to speak with my brother again the way I used to when I was a child, but I've tried and tried and I can't. Is it possible to be a medium as a child and then to out grow it? Or was I never a medium in the first place? Any advice, tips for enhancing medium abilities and the like are welcome. Thank you all so much for your time.