I have had thoughts that didn't originate in my mind on a regular basis for several years. I'm still not sure what those are although most of the time I lean towards thinking they are real. The following story includes details of an experience I had while in prison.
I went to prison towards the end of 2005 for approximately 2 years. I was raised in the church and I was in my mid-twenties before I realized I needed to decide for myself whether or not I actually believed in the God I was raised to believe in. At some point towards the beginning of my incarceration I remember praying to God for the umpteenth time to prove if he was real or not. I remember telling him that if he had to kill me to kill me that I just wanted to know if he was real or not. Now, just f.y.i., I would not recommend doing this to anyone else, as it has proven to make for an extremely bad trip from time to time.
I'm not sure how to explain what happened next, so I'll just say it as I perceived it. At some point shortly after my one sided conversation with God, a correctional officer entered my prison dorm and sat down at a table at the front of the dorm where I was standing. No words were exchanged but this is what I perceived inside my head.
C.o. - I'm looking for something like this. If you're prepared to do what you say, a window will open and you will make your promise and the window will close and that will be that.
As I was standing there contemplating this I remember the door to the dorm was opened by someone who I believe called out someone's name, perhaps for pill call or something like that. I mentally threw my promise out the door as if it were the person whose name had been called. The person that had stuck his head in the door closed it and that was the last I thought about it for a while.
Sometime later in my home town a guy broke out of jail. I was locked up only about 30 miles down the road from my hometown of about 3000 people so it was the talk of the prison. Many of the inmates, including my brother-in-law knew or at least knew of the guy. Not long after this there was another prison break. This one included three people. I can't remember if there was a prison break including 5 inmates but I remember that it was either when I saw the second or third prison break that something caught my attention. One of the inmates who escaped shared my last name and another shared my brother-in-laws last name. This started something whirling in the back of my mind. Then there was another prison break. This one included seven people. The memory is somewhat fuzzy but I remember a feeling of impending doom. Like if this was the sign I was looking for I would die shortly after. They showed the hole the prisoners had busted in the wall and it was quite small.
Now if I may go off on a tangent here, my mind flashed back to one night in high school when I was riding around town with a girl. There was a new game room in town called the rusty cage. The windows in the front of the game room were painted with orange bars symbolizing a rusty cage but I remember thinking the bars were awfully far apart for a cage and I told the girl that was in the car with me that they must only not want fat people to be able to get out of the cage.
Ten years later when I saw the small hole the seven prisoners had escaped through this was the first thing I thought of. It may not seem like much to some people but immediately after this thought passed through my mind they showed footage of a prisoner they had caught shortly after the escape and he was overweight. This was the thing that stuck out the most to me.
There were other prison breaks shortly after these three or four. A few of the people in the initial three or four were killed either in shoot outs with the police or in the case of the one that shared last names with my brother-in-law murdered. One guy escaped from the prison I was in, kidnapped his girlfriend and killed himself when the camp he was holed up in was surrounded by police.
Now I know that people die every day but something about the whole telling God to kill me thing mixed with the "coincidences" of the jail breaks really set off some bad vibes. There were many nights I went to sleep thinking I would be dead before sun up.
There were other things after this that caught my attention that never would have if I hadn't been looking so hard for them such as Hurricane Katrina and the Jena Six (I'm from Jena, Louisiana (no I'm not a racist)).
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I've read some of the posts on this site and I know if you guys tell me I'm crazy then I should see a psychiatrist. Lol.