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Losing My Senses

 

I'm a 20 year old who has a secret. It was my Mum's secret also so I never told people as a child and now, well who'd believe it? Mum used to surprise me every now and then, giving me a huge hug when I got home saying "today was really bad huh?" or wordlessly answering questions I had thought of silently. Sitting at the computer, mums in the kitchen "I wonder if we're going to the beach tomorrow?" I think. Mum calls out over the kettle boiling "no the forecast is rain", "what?", "we won't go to the beach tomorrow, the news said rain for tomorrow". One night she was heading off to night shift (she was a nurse) and she gave me a huge hug, more than usual, she just held me for ten minutes and said, it's just a feeling. That night she had a car crash and ironically still got to work. Nan got the phone call and picked me up, when I got by her bed she was in a foam collar and had bad bruising. Nan told her off and went to get a coffee, while she was gone I asked mum if she knew, she said it was a feeling so strong she almost didn't go to work. I got up her and from then on if she had a strange feeling I was on high alert. I would try and feel people walking by and once walked by a man who sent me huge feeling. I wish I had stopped to get a better look at him but I was kind of in awe/scared. I don't know what that was.

I think knowing about what mum had gave me a low level of the same thing. I would feel if the house was empty or not when I woke and I had a few deja vous moments so strong I would say the events a few seconds before they happened. One time in English class (year 10) a boy heard me speak word for word and describe what would happen a few seconds before they did; there were two girls picking on a kid. He was very weirded out. He watched me for a while hoping it would happen again. Truthfully it was rare so it didn't, because in February the next year mum suicided. About a month before she did I remember silently crying in the car because something had changed. Her boyfriend had messed around with another woman and mum changed, it just wasn't her. I could still feel her in the house though it was fainter. The night she died she said she was going for a walk and I was too busy playing games to notice anything was wrong until the dog whinnied and I felt sick, sickly off, fear so cold I knew but refused to accept it. She's just doing a big walk (she walked at night often) maybe she visited nans? But when I got a call from my stepdad asking if mum was home I knew she was going to kill herself. I ran around the block with Luna (our dog) in the rain and suddenly the world was empty, just like the house became when she wasn't near, only bigger.

I didn't feel anything anymore not outside of seeing and doing that something that "felt" and tugged at thoughts that felt unfamiliar disappeared. Once or twice I felt it or remembered and it was so painful I cried because I felt as though no one in the world knew me truly anymore. Just me.

Mum taught me to be ultra independent. I thought she was worried about leaving me with nan, now I know she just never wanted to live to 40. She told everyone jokingly that she'd never reach 40 but she was serious. I don't blame her. I finished school had a bad relationship, have a good one now, I'm going to be married the Friday after next! Now though I want my abilities back. I want to share them with my partner. I want to be how I used to because I think it's for a good reason (and I need to show him I'm not mad!). He believes me fully but I'd love to pull him in with me. I have addressed Mum's death but the senses aren't coming back. Someone's got to have had a similar story and gotten their ability back. I'd love any suggestions or stories that could help!

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Emerald7502, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

LunaGem (19 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-01-15)
I agree, meditation sounds like a good way to try to bring them back out. I'm so sorry about your mom though...
Congratulations on your wedding! 😉
❤ Gem
Becky666 (124 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-01-13)
i would recommend meditation everyone says it helps and if so many people say it it must be true
vanillabean (9 stories) (168 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-01-11)
You poor thing, what a terrible tragedy that you lost your dearest mum who truly understood you. Congratulations on your wedding. I don't have experience with losing abilities and then getting them back. But I know people who have confided in me similar things to what you've said. I truly believe you never lose the ability, you just have to open it up again. If you don't meditate, that's always the best place to start. You must get your brain to stop it's logical thinking. Start out sitting in a quiet space for 5 minutes a day. Try and relax your physical body, and take 3 slow, deep breaths. Listen to the sounds around you and take them in, but the goal is to stop yourself from your own mind-chatter. Each week you can add on another 5 minutes until you are a the point you want to be. Something might happen while you meditate, or seemingly nothing will happen, but the fact is that even if it seems "nothing" is happening, you will start to see changes in yourself as time goes on. You might start to receive messages again in the middle of your day at times you least expect it, but not when you meditate.

Are you at peace with your mom's passing? Have you sensed her presence around you or tried to communicate with her? Sometimes when things are really painful, we block our abilities and it's very hard to "let go" mentally so they can come back. Emotion kind of skews everything and makes it hard for truth to come through.

Please take care of yourself! ❤

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