I have had experiences, some of which I don't know what to make of and make me feel crazy. If I do possess what I alternately refer to as a gift and a curse, I know it was inherited from my mother, who inherited it from my grandmother. I have had many experiences over the years, however, they have increased in the last 2-3 years. It is now to the point where I do not feel comfortable sleeping alone (and often don't), and am afraid of the feelings and things I have seen in the dark. It feels strange when you feel you're the only eighteen year old afraid of the dark. I guess the only way I can receive input, though, would be to share some of my experiences:
- I was talking to my mom about when I was younger. She shared with me that when I was about 3 I used to communicate (without speaking) with my eldest cat, and one day she found me outside on the other side of a huge lake that was behind our house and when she asked me what I was doing, I told her that the cat had told me to go with him for a walk around the lake.
- She also told me that I used to tell her that a woman would pinch me when I was sleeping and that she wanted to hurt me, that's when my fear of the dark began.
- But even before those, when I was about 1(1/2)- 2, my parents were very involved in the church and would take my along. They said people with different ailments (back problems, etc.) would allow me to lay hands on them and they would come back to the next group meeting the following week, saying they had not felt that relieved in a while.
I didn't really experience anything significant again until high school, when I began to reoccur intensely.
- I know it was October of 2006 (I was a junior in high school and still taking the bus to my mother's job to then drive home when she could leave the office). That day we stopped at my grandmother's house, as we sometimes did, on the way home, but this time a relative, whose daughter had died about two years before, was there. She wanted to give my mom a box of her late daughter's belongings to send to a psychic in Northern Florida, to find out exactly what had happened to her daughter. My mom sat on the end of the table and the woman sat with the box across from me. I wasn't sitting for 5 minutes before my mom saw me turn bright red and begin to choke, gag, and vomit (what I can only describe as feeling like an acidic substance from the pit of my stomach rise up into my throat, burning it.) It was so intense that I remember sticking my finger in my mouth to make sure I wasn't throwing up blood (because it tasted like something acidic and metallic(almost like blood)). It subsided after a couple of minutes. The woman is a sensitive, and the look on her face was that of knowing and understanding. The experience exhausted me and I didn't regain my full energy again until the next day.
As it turned out, her daughter was murdered and investigators believe that she was forced to drink a toxic substance before being dying.
- My mom brought the box home and put it in the garage. A few nights after that I was trying to fall asleep in my room, with the lights off and the door open. I heard someone call my name sweetly from the hallway. It sounded like a woman and I thought it was my mother, but she was asleep and there was no one else in the hallway, so although scared, I tried to go back to sleep, but then I heard it again, this time somewhat more persistent. One of my cats, who almost never left my side at night, I think, sensed my fear and she slept on my stomach facing the opening to my door the entire night. All in all, however, I didn't get a very good nights sleep.
- This past fall, as I slept in my mom's room (as I normally do now), I was drifting off to sleep. Suddenly I got one of those not alone feelings, and woke up face to face with a woman with a rather large full face, almond shaped eyes, large full lips, wide nose, and hair pulled back and picked up. Unlike in other times, I didn't feel frightened. Two days later my mom got a call in the car about a very close relative who died just a few hours before. When I described who I saw to my mother, she just broke down crying and didn't doubt that it was her who came to say goodbye (she still lived in FL) one last time.
- Some other random experiences involve multiple deja vu experiences, My mom, brother and I will be driving and I'll see a place (building, person, house, etc...) that I recall from a dream or sometimes I don't even know from where I remember it from. I even saw the layout of one of the buildings that the majority of my classes are in even before I began applying to colleges.
- I, as well as my mom, have been known to send appliances hay-wire. I have sent off un-connected alarm sensors, DSL boxes, microwaves, and most frequently, my iPod (I have had 2 so far and I will fully charge it, and the battery will drain after minimal use (my friends would laugh at me since theirs would last for hours)).
- Also, sometimes when I get angry, things will fall and some people around me will drop whatever they're holding.
- Often, sometimes when I am alone somewhere alone at school, but especially when I am home, I often get the feeling that I am not alone, that something is standing beside or behind me and often catch glimpses from the corner of my eyes, as well as hear a tone that often turns into a static noise and I cannot make it out.
As a side note, I'm not sure if it means anything, but I tend to avoid crowds and am careful about the people I am around because I often feel drained and pick up on their emotions. Even at school, during my breaks, I can be found in the quietest, most isolated lounge areas. Some of the worst times for me are lecture halls, where some of my courses have up to 300 present.
Also, ever since I was small, my mother recalled to me, I could tell her if someone was good or bad and I was usually right. I still do that to this day. She also possesses some of the same things and has also experienced many things since she was young. Hers, however, seem more developed and she, in the past, has spoken to and interacted with the spirit of an old man.
Please feel free to post any advice about these experiences. I'm not sure I want to continue experiencing these things, but at the same time, I feel as though I should embrace what is happening because they don't seem to want to lie dormant, and see it as a gift.