A year ago, I lost my mother suddenly. She was someone who had so much love and was a big part of my life. She was accepting and would listen to my psychic experiences from childhood up to adulthood. Losing her from the realm of the living is the most painful experience I've suffered to this day.
My mother, before her death, had organized a beach vacation for my family, and we knew that she would have wanted us to go, so we went.
Everything was going well, despite our sorrow, wishing my mom could be there with us. We figured out our bedroom placements, and set ourselves up for the week-long vacation.
My problems started once I laid my head down, hoping for a relaxing night of sleep, maybe some happy dreams. I've been a lucid dreamer as long as I can remember, and know when I'm experiencing something that is created within my own mind.
That week, I had two experiences that made me wish I did not have psychic abilities.
My first experience placed me in a hospital. I was in the body of an elderly man and I was in a stretcher, doctors rushing me to surgery, I was slipping in and out of consciousness. When I came to, the doctors were in the middle of performing open heart surgery on me before I passed out again. When I opened my eyes, I was wearing a mask, and I could see the IV. The doctor explained everything and told me that my heart replacement surgery was successful. At that moment I could feel an overwhelming sorrow. My own body had betrayed me. The heart I was born with was gone.
When I woke up in my bed, I had tears running down my face. I could still feel the loss and the sense of betrayal.
The other experience was equally as painful, but I am uncomfortable writing about it because of the nature of the event. I woke up crying to that as well, feeling equally painful emotions, except this time from a young girl.
I want to know if it is normal to have a painful experience like this after going through a traumatic event like the death of a loved one.
And is it normal to have wished I were never psychic after going through this?