My Story is more of a combinations of events and questions I have gathered through my 18 years of life not really a story of one specific event. I'm kind of on a search for answers and need direction as to what all these experiences mean. I guess I'll start with the very first experience I ever had.
I don't remember how old I was or where it occurred, my parents remember it quite well. I was in a van that we used to own, I think, I don't remember where we were going, I think to my swimming lesson for some reason, but anyway out of no where I just decided to fess up to something I did, or at least thought I did. First I turned to my dad and told him I was sorry for denting his truck. He asked me what truck I was talking about and I told him the green and brown rusty one.
I can actually still see the inside of the truck and can still see myself denting the dash. When I described the green and brown rusty truck he told me that it was disassembled before I was even born and couldn't of possibly been inside it not to mention dent the dash. I argued with him for about ten minutes until finally I told him when and where I dented it. I described his friend's house, I don't remember what it looked like anymore, this happened many years ago. I told him how he left me in his truck when I was 3 or 4 and I was angry that he was taking a long time so I propped my little body up between the seat and the dashboard and pushed as hard as I could and I ended up splitting the leather on the dashboard so the yellow foam under neither was showing. I remember doing it so vividly yet he and my mom insisted that it was disassembled and in his friends garage before I was born and would never of had the chance to dent it.
The weird thing about this experience was there had been a dent in the truck and I described a house and truck I had, according to them never seen. What's even stranger was that at the time that his buddy had lived in that house and he owned his truck my older cousin was about 3 or 4 and went my dad had taken her to that house before many times and left here in the truck while he went in and got what he needed and left. I don't think that means I'm a psychic but I do think it is strange that I new all that without ever having to be told.
I never asked my cousin if she dented it or not, but I remember even what I was thinking when it occurred. I remember feeling impatient, bored, angry and frustrated that I couldn't leave the truck. Then when my dad entered the truck I remember feeling nervous but I don't remember anything else, I don't know if he got mad or didn't even notice.
Another experience that occurred before I was born was when my mom was pregnant with me. It didn't happen to me it happened to her but it involved me. When my mom was about 8 or 9 months pregnant with me she was sleeping in bed with my dad and woke up suddenly from a dream. She had dreamt what I was going to look like when I was born. She described me as having the biggest bluest eyes she has ever seen, black hair and a tiny button nose. When I finally was born I came out of her eyes first and I came out with them being open unlike most babies. This also wasn't the first time my mom had dreamt something and it come it happened to my great grandmother as well I don't know if its a recessive gene or what but the only people in my family who dream "truths" as my great grandma would say are herself and my mom. My experiences have nothing to do with what I dream.
I honestly wouldn't call myself a psychic, I have never had a psychic experience I can't for tell the future but I have these episodes I can't explain and am just looking for an answer or even a simple explanation or a your crazy and its all in your head.
These episodes are more like a constant feeling. I'd like to explain my beliefs before I explain these feelings that I get. This is not in anyway meant to offended anyone it is completely not my intent I just want help with whatever this is and maybe some guidance to someone who can help me.
I believe in a God for one, not any particular one just that there's a higher power then ourselves, but I also believe in evolution. I don't believe in any specific religion and nor do I fit into anyone I just believe what I believe and I don't really put any guidelines on it. I believe in ghosts, heaven, reincarnation, not necessarily hell but a punishment for those bad souls, I believe in old souls new souls lost souls and I believe I can feel them. I don't see ghosts or anything or spirits and that is not what my article is about but it relates to it but I can feel energies but that's for a later experience. All I'm explaining is what I believe so when I say what I intend to there's some back up of how I'm going to explain it.
Alright so I get this feeling sometimes not "deja vue", although I get that to not so much anymore, more when I was younger, this feeling is way different and I don't know what it is and its really hard to explain it. This is the only way I can explain it as accurately as possible. When ever I think about this feeling or experience it I get all light headed and confused so I'm sorry if I'm starting to stray, I also get really warm and sweaty and my heart rate gets a little quicker and my breathing gets faster, I'm explaining it as I experience it actually.
Whenever I think about death or God or fate or the ultimate plan for humanity or when I try to imagine the earth all at once as one entire whole or when I think or talk about this feeling I experience it. I have experienced it since I was as young as I would remember. It's like this feeling that I'm not completely attached to my body or my soul doesn't fit inside it. Imagine that god had sown our souls to our body with a needle and tread, I feel like god didn't knot my thread at the end so my soul kind of just floats near me, like it's kind of attached and it's trying to hold on to my body but sometimes it gets weak and let's go and I feel like I jumped out of my self, not like a out of body experience I think.
When this happens I try and stop it as soon as I can I actually have to ignore it and not think about it until it goes away. I get really light headed at first then I get that falling feeling followed by this thinking I can't control or understand or even remember kind of like a blind deaf and dumb thought. I try not to move thinking it will help and I stop breathing until it desists and once it gave me a seizure, I don't know if its a medical condition I should get checked out or what like I said I'm looking for answers.
Anyway I get all these thoughts and feeling streaming through my head all at once its like for 10 seconds or what ever I know some ultimate knowledge or something and it scares me and I want it to go away. A part of me understands it and what's going on but the rest of me stops it and once its gone I feel normal again. I would explain it further but I don't want to make this to terribly long.
I guess my questions for all that is what does it all mean?
I also get this other feeling like I'm helpless as to what is going on in my life, sort of like its a movie and I'm watching it and I kind of just go I guess that how I can explain that one I just sort go subconsciously and don't remember after for a while. That's the only way I can explain that.
The basis of this entirely long and tiring article is to gain an understanding of my experiences and understand what they are and how and if they all tie together. I don't feel comfortable in myself and I hope that and explanation of all this will help me understand why or help me find whatever I'm looking for.
On to yet another experience. This one happened quite frequently actually the beginning of February the first or second. Me and my cousin, my sister, her friend and my best friend were all hanging out in my room. I'm going to leave part of this night out in case this article won't get posted for it. Me and my BFF ended up talking it the closet and it was about one o-clock in the morning and I can't really remember it to well but she remembers it perfectly and told me all about it.
We were in the closet talking and I was holding her hands like pretty tight and we were just talking and I felt like I could feel how she was feeling and feel what she was thinking not necessarily read what she was thinking, I could just feel her thoughts and energy through her hands so I was talking to her about stuff in her life and hers feelings and stuff and I told her to think of an image apparently and I told her to stop looking down on people and being so distant from the ones she loves. At that moment I remember her letting go of my hands and getting sort of scared. She told me she was imagining a bird flying over a city or town or something, I didn't know if it was coincidence or what so I continued with what ever was going through my head it was all going so fast I got lost in all but I was having a conversation with her without her talking I think for 4 hours, I was holding her hands just talking and explaining and what ever.
I don't know what I was doing but I was getting her to hold my hands and we were breathing a the same time and I was talking to her about things she was too scared to ever talk to me about and I was just hitting everything on the spot that was going through my minute I could feel what was bugging her. Also I spilled a glass of water on the carpet on accident and I put my hand in it know it would effect her in some way I didn't know how but she had to pee after. All I remember is feeling full of this energy and I was roasting hot and sweating and stuff and only me and her know about it and I don't know how to explain it. I can just feel how people feel like some extreme form of empathy or something. I don't know what it is.
Also one experience that occurred today that actually got me to look up a site for help was a letter I wrote to my newly ex-boyfriend... actually I don't know what we are anymore but that doesn't matter. All I know is I explained all these feeling I have like the ones I explained earlier in the article and I was in the library at my school and I was trying to stifle my shakes and try and not get to warm and it ended up being three pages long and I don't really remember writing it or what I wrote but if anyone has any answers for me or can talk to me or help me in anyway with all this or explain it to me even it would be greatly appreciated, and I'm going to end it now because I got distracted and lost my train of thought.
But please if you have any questions for me or can answer and of mine please comment to this.