I really hope there is someone out there that will read my post and help me understand few things. I have to first explain who I am and what my experience with the spiritual world has been. Since I was very little I remember being very sensitive to the supernatural. Often I would have vivid visions, dreams, and incredible intuition. Intuition was so strong that often I would feel that something was going to happen and when it did I was blaming myself thinking that I perhaps caused it. I guess throughout the years I have never felt alone. Whenever I found myself having a quiet moment playing with my toys or reading a book, something would often try to get my attention. There were scary moments. When I was few years old something kept pulling my duvet off the bed. I cried and screamed as I was struggling to pull it back up again. There were few more situations however; I will not describe them all as there are too many.
Another big moment happened when I was a teenager and my best friend and me were on summer holiday. We were spending a sunny afternoon on reading a new book about Angels. The book had a circle with letters I guess some imitation of a reading board. I have hung an amethysts crystal on a piece of string and we have improvised. We were only having fun and we did not treat this seriously. My friend held the board and I held the string. Soon as I have asked the questions the string circled around in a smooth motion and then it chose a letter by letter, each time coming back to the centre and running a circle before it swung to pick another letter. Words did not make sense to me and I cannot remember much because I was overwhelmed.
There were few sentences about my grandma and war, there was also one word that has scared me and as soon as we read it out we stopped. It was a Latin word - NOX, which means night or darkness. I felt responsible for this and thought that maybe my hand has moved with the string but I have asked my friend to hold my hand to check if I was not moving it unintentionally. Besides the movement of the crystal was too precise for me to fake it. I have asked my friend to hold the string and crystal as I held the book but she did not get any responses.
The strangest thing was that it was only reacting to me. We were little bit scared but we decided to forget about it. Little then we knew as this was just a beginning. Since that afternoon, every day was a blur. We both felt unsafe and scared. We kept seeing dark shadows, objects were moving around us, we could not sleep and we were both too scared to be in the room alone. I have then decided to read the very same Angel book in order to find some help. I found some sort of a 'closing' ritual, which was supposed to close the 'portal' as I call it. As I sat down in my bedroom (as this was where we had use it originally) I lit some candles and spoke to words from the book. I was meditating and managed to archive a strong level of focus.
Suddenly I felt paralyzed as before me I saw a hooded figure with pale face, which did not look human. It had a very wide mouth with sharp teeth, nose so flat it was barely there and dark slanted eyes. It was smiling at me as it sat right a front of me. The image feels me with fear and unease. Even when I think about it my whole body tensed up as if I were not suppose to speak of this to anyone. Few days after this incident, my friend and I were at the end of our wits and it desperation we went to our local church. We spoke to priest and he asked us to confess.
After the confession, we took some holy water and sprinkled all over our houses. It has helped but since then I have been haunted by the horrible image and I cannot forget the fear that it caused me.
When I was 18 years old I moved abroad and started a new live. No matter how preoccupied I was with settling down and meeting new friends I was still 'bothered' by occasional moment of strange encounter. Vivid dream with a message, voice, shadows, vision. It has escalated when I moved to the old house with my friend who was also very sensitive. That was the first time when I could distinguish a presence. I was showed an image of a little boy who was a resident on the first floor, I could feel he didn't like me going up there so I have avoided it as much as I could. There was also a presence of a older man who hung in the air in the bathroom.
The vision slammed me in the face 7/10 as I entered the bathroom. As much as I was trying to ignore all that, weird things kept happening. My friend also felt something so I was a little more assured I was making this up. This was the time when I started to hear the voices just before the bedtime. I hated it. Sometimes I could not get to sleep and it was so irritating. I started to play music over night or leaving my laptop on to blank out the noise.
As much as I was scared, I got use to it and started suspecting that perhaps I was just over tired or ate something that may have caused it. Well that was until the night when I saw a man standing in my bedroom. Yep, it gave me fright. As I recall I was alone that night. I felt relaxed as I went to sleep but something woke me from my dreams, as I opened my eyes I saw a tall figure of a man standing right beside my bed. All I remember was that he was tall and slender, he wore dark trousers and blue shirt, I think his hair was black but I couldn't see his face. Despite I could see his face I could feel he was watching me.
It all happened in a matter of seconds. As soonest I saw him I felt a strong message that I should have not seen him, that I should be asleep! It felt like he was telling me off for waking up and seeing him. I didn't want to but my eyes just shut and when I opened them it was morning. It did not feel like I feel asleep it was more like someone would just switch me off. I could not understand what happened, but I knew that I was not dreaming. I sat on the bed with my heart pounding, feeling confused and overwhelmed. Months passed and I have moved house again. I moved in with my partner to a nice new flat. It was lovely and I was so happy that this was a new building! First few nights were great I felt so calm and at ease. Unfortunately, this has soon ended as I began to hear and feel things again. I was unhappy to feel uneasy at my new place. I have had enough of feeling like a crazy person.
Over the 3 years I have spend in the flat I've had quite a few strange encounters, some very freighting visions, I felt some bad energy, I've felt some neutral, good too. There was a time when things felt quite tense. I kept feeling something fallowing me around. Images kept popping to my head, in my understanding something wanted to play with me. In my vision, I felt or saw a little boy. In desperation, I had a chat with my partner asking him casually if he has noticed anything weird at all. You must understand that he is very skeptical. He does not believe in supernatural and I have not told him about what has been happening to me. To my surprise, he said he saw a shadow few times but this could be because he was tried. I did not expect this response from him. For me this was getting all too real. I have decided to question him more and he said he thought it looked like a small male! How would he even know?!
I have asked him why he thinks it was a male but he could not explain himself. I did not push it. To me this was enough to know that I was not making this stuff up. As the time went on I was shutting myself down from the spiritual world, I did not want to be the ghost lady! Few months past and I saw the man watching me in my sleep again. I woke up and saw him standing there, dressed in the same clothes, dark trousers and blue shirt. This time I dunked in under the covers and was too scared to even breathe.
I waited few hours paralyzed with fear than finally managed to get my head from under the duvet and have a look around. He was not there anymore. This was a scary experience. As I continued to shut some of the visions, I felt less and less scared. I felt more peaceful and in control, I have changed my job and was hoping for stability. Unfortunately it all proven very stressful to me and I felt lost. I began to feel depressed. This was also the time when I met someone who I believe was my spirit guide. Her vision popped into my head when I was at work and I felt like I was really struggling. She appeared to me as a African-American young women, dresses in a trench coat, I've had a strong feeling she was from the past. Year 1920 pops into my head. Her name was spelled Traycee.
I have no idea how this appeared in my head, and who knows? All I know she was a voice of reason in my life. Whenever I struggled with something, she gave me great piece of advice. She has helped me to calm down so many time, to understand so many things. Every time when I called her name, she was there. I do not know how to explain this. One day I have decided that she may help me with the strange entity that my partner and me felt around our flat. I have bought few books and practiced tuning in. The small male entity has not made it known for some time so I had doubts as I tried to tap in to the other side to find out if it's still here.
Despite my doubts, I saw a vision of a small boy who explained to me he has lost his parents. He was from the past too. Than I have asked Traycee to take his hand and to guide him out of here so he can find his parents. I imagined her leading him up some stairs and closing the door. Since then I had very strong feeling that the small boy was not with us anymore. Unfortunately, I started to see less and less of Traycee too. Week or so after tuning in I've started feeling awful. I had constant arguments with my partner, visions of pain were flashing a front of my eyes, I felt so tired and angry all the time. I had trouble sleeping and sometime I couldn't get up from bed.
I've completely neglected my responsibilities and didn't want to do anything. I've felt like I want to give up on life. Yep, it sounds depressing but that's how I felt. Whenever I tried to speak to Traycee I couldn't hear her, her voice sounded like I was trying to tune in to a radio but I've had problems with the receiver. I don't know how to explain this. After few weeks I've decided that this there must be something wrong going on with me. I sat down in the kitchen and focused. I've put all my energy to look for some answers. It was so difficult to get a clear response. I've felt immensely scared as if something bad was about to happen to me. I quickly understood that something was trying to scare me off from getting an answer. After some time I've received a message saying that something (not one thing but many - that's how I understand it) is feeding of my energy, something is infected my aura. As soon as I heard the message, I felt physically sick. My body felt electrified.
It was a negative feeling. I was scared to death. I have tried to forget about it as I didn't know how to deal with all that. I've decided to turn to God for protection. I am not much of a believer of church and I am not consistent with my faith but I have been raised in catholic believes. I do believe in God I am just bit skeptical about churches and the religion that was altered by people so much. But this was no time for skeptical, I was desperate. I bought a cross too hung up in my hallway. I've started praying. One night as I went to sleep feeling exhausted and defeated I woke up after few hours and felt completely paralyzed. I saw my bedroom and I was in my bed but I felt I was in a different place, same but different, how do I explain it? As my body led helpless and paralyzed, I've tried to scream but air has escaped my body. From all around me I could see many dark shadows approaching me quickly, I felt like I was going to die. I knew they wanted to hurt me. I felt it. It was real. Suddenly, bright light flashed from the left corner of my bedroom and a powerful voice order those figures to Stop. It said something else to them but it's personal, so I'd rather not say it. There was no more darkness; there was just this warm light.
I woke up crying and screaming, I've scared the hell out of my partner. He kept asking what was it but how could I explain what just happened? All I said was that I have had a bad dream. Maybe that's all this was - a nightmare. After the dream I felt at ease, I felt somehow protected and safer. Some time passed and I haven't experienced anything from sorts. I was quite happy. Than I have started to work nights at the call centre. The building normally holds over 60 people in a large hall. Over the night there was only me and my colleague. Because it was very quiet, we would switch all the lights off and she would take naps, she was heavily pregnant so she was tired like all the time. I would nap too sometimes, or I would watch movies on my laptop. At first, I thought it was bit creepy to work in the building over night but I got use to it.
After some time I have started to see things. It was walking shadows mainly. I first thought it was my friend getting up to the toilet but every time I've check she would be still on her seat. Just to explain it was not completely dark, there was a light coming from the streets outside and from big TV screens and computers. I have explained to myself that I must be tired and I am seeing things, which probably was the case, if something would not grab my arm and shook me up from my sleep! I was very intimidated by such display of physical contact. I have ignored it and moved on; I had to keep my job. After few months, my friend left to have her baby and I started working with another girl. I liked her, we went to few parties together, and she was very honest and down to earth girl.
It did not take long for us to start talking about supernatural. For some reason we both felt like we had to talk about it. I do not speak of my experiences to anyone at work because I am afraid of the reaction or someone may think that I am crazy. With her it was different. I somehow in some weird way trusted her with my 'story' and she has shared some of her own experiences. As we talked, I could feel charge of energy running through me. She felt the same. It was very strange sensation. I felt emotional and so has she. As we talked about those scary stories we kept the lights on and turned the TV on to make it more relaxed. I remember that we laughed about something and we sat down to do some work on the computer.
It was than when I suddenly felt strange nudge and as I looked to my right I saw a foggy figure that just walked passed quickly about 30-40 feet from me. Than it has disappeared. My heart just stopped. I could feel the tears in my eyes as I got up to tell my friend what I just saw, she was terrified too. She said she had no doubt I was telling the truth, she felt very strange too. I am usually the brave one who goes out closing the whole building for the night. I could not understand why this happened to me just then. The lights were on I felt rested, I was relaxed.
It left me puzzled and very angry. I've had enough of being spooked. I've decided I do not want this in my life anymore for now, I was not ready to deal with it. I've called my mum to talk to her about how I felt and to get some advice. She has calmed me down and told me something that surprised me. She said that when she was younger and was still at home with her brothers and sisters she and two of her sisters could hear strange noises (steps, laughter) and feel strange things, like someone sitting on their bed in the middle of the night. I felt shocked. My mum just told me that she has seen and heard stuff too?!
This was all little too weird. My mum is a very honest and responsible, she would never ever say anything that was untrue or made up. And the fact that Mum was talking about having experienced weird in my grandma's house. I have spent best part of my childhood there and I have not had a restful night of sleep. I would wake up at usually 2-3 in the morning all hot and sweaty, scared to death. I would have dreams about the house too.
I would dream of a girl living in the attic. I have to explain that there was in fact attic but there was no way anybody would be able to enter it because the door was taken out and my uncle or granddad has put up a brick wall to border it off completely. I do not know why and I have no idea who that girl might be, probably nothing but a nightmare and childish imagination. Who knows? Anyway, after conversation with my mum I felt that perhaps I might just be sensitive to the supernatural. My mum said that she has stopped being sensitive when she has started family and got busy. She completely shut herself out but she still has weird experience occasionally.
Since the conversation, I've had with my mum and since I saw that strange entity at work I haven't felt anything. I cannot complain that I miss it but I kind of feel empty. What is worse I haven't felt Tracycee's presence at all and I really miss her. I feel like I've lost a friend. Is it possible that she left me? Am I able to make contact with her without spooking myself again?
I'm sorry for the length of my essay but I have to went out some of that stuff, I mean it feel great now I wrote it. It's crazy to carry so much around.
Just in case you would like to know more, it's not just visions, dreams, intuition and all those above. There is also this weird tuning in to others people energies, it's almost feeling their thoughts sometimes. I don't know how else I can explain it. I don't know if this matters at all but I also have great connection with animals. I often would pick up on their energies too. I have had experience with I think it's called astral travel. From time to time I will have a dream with something that hasn't happened yet but it usually does happen. It all sounds strange I know but here it is. Please don't judge me.:-)