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I Feel Like An Old Soul

 

I don't feel like I'm looking for answers or confirmation. I just want to talk to people who might think somewhat like myself.

My family is very old, and rather large.

My mother's side of the family has always had "that sixth sense," for lack of a better term at the moment. They always have been. When I was a kid, I suppose I had that, too, but in a different way. As a child, I always observed. In everything I did, I analyzed it, and spent a lot of time sitting and watching. My mom, when we get on the topic, often tells me that my dad would worry that I was sad and ask how I was, and I would respond, "I'm only looking."

I felt how others around me felt. I could be happier than a pioneer with a big harvest one moment, and then someone would do something, like skin their knee and I always remembered my chest tightening at the sight. Their afflicted area would be warm on me, and I would always reach for it to see if I had injured myself. I would feel some degree of pain, and my mood would match theirs. Sometimes it was instant and complete, sometimes it was just a watered-down version of their mood. Either way, I would feel how they did.

Other times, my mood was contagious. If I felt a particularly strong emotion like elation or rage, the people around me would end up the same way. Usually I was the favourite in my circle of friends. People gravitated towards me, but as I got older, that changed.

In middle school, I was well-known. People would always come up to me and make friends without provocation, even if I'd previously observed them to be rude or not very social. I could almost invariably tell if someone was wearing a facade, and I was in-tune with how they felt despite their expression. Sooner or later, I realized that if I touched someone, we would have something of an exchange. If I was upset or feeling negative, they would become that way. If their current emotional state was stronger than mine, (my placidity and their discontent, for example) I would adopt theirs. People began to become uncomfortable with me and my uncanny knowledge of their states, and my group of friends were reduced to a select few.

Under the near-constant ridicule of my peers, I turned inward, and questioned myself.

Throughout middle school, I took advantage of my isolation and tried to learn more about myself, and found more peculiarities. I was often keen to things that others were not--presences, temperature shifts, stares. When I was in a place with some kind of history, I could feel it. I would feel the emotion, and I would get vague impressions of people in the house and when I came in contact with certain things, I could feel surges of emotion.

When I would visit my great-grandmother's old shop that had fallen into disuse, I would often feel a sudden welling of pride, which I always questioned when my dad recounted her deep love for the store and her habitual cleaning of its exterior.

I never mentioned what I felt to my parents. When I entered high school, I couldn't ignore that I was different, especially when y aunt on my mother's side pulled me aside and told me that I was empathetic, which only made me feel further secluded: I knew how everyone else felt, but no one knew how I did.

I couldn't--and still can't--relate with anyone my age. I wanted to talk about history, the world, science, the past. My tastes were old-fashioned, and I found myself more accustomed using "outdated" terms to express myself or name things. My best friends are over the age of twenty-two, and I find it a lot easier to bond with adults who have experienced a lot, or the elderly. When they recount their lives, I feel as if I know what they've been through, almost like I was there.

But highschoolers aren't receptive to that kind of thinking. All they talk about is now and their feelings, when I want to talk about something on a larger scale. I have always hungered for knowledge. Teachers are my best friends. It's gotten to the point that I'm usually avoided, because people feel strange being around me. "I don't like how you make me feel." is the most common thing I get. Even my close friends are skittish around me at times. They deliberately avoid the topic of sex because they're "worried how I'll feel about it." but they always come to me for relationship advice because I "always know what to do because I'm so mature." Even adults ask me for help on certain topics that involve handling emotions.

The most recent and startling development is that I've become (more) aware of something else in my home. I have seen him once, and the one time I responded to it out of anger seems to have caused it to pester me more. It bothers me in my sleep, and my cat is normally prone to glare where I feel it's standing, but I never look at it (my mom says acknowledging it will not help you be rid of it if it's malevolent).

My grandmother always calls me an old soul, but is also keenly aware of the loneliness that I feel burdened with.

Sorry for the 5000+ character count--it wasn't intended, I promise.

I'm home sick from school today, so I have a lot of time on my hands.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, QuackDucktor, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

MasamuneX91 (2 stories) (47 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-10-15)
i also have an old soul as do some friends of mine, email me at kid_sharp [at] hotmail.com so we can discuss how old exactly
CsThRuH2O (guest)
 
11 years ago (2012-10-14)
I have had the EXACT same feelings and experiances that have unexplainable emotional attachment to people. I believe I am an EMPATH too. Very very much so. But it began to destroy my life so badly as a teenager that it evolved into rage and anger management issues. I have since learned to practice extreme self~control (if that's what I can call it?) & have been able to "tune~it~out" or "turn~it~off". Most people, especially family, by impression think that I am excessively "aloof" or "callus". Which I am but the EXACT opposite. For whenever I give in to my overwhelming compacity as an EMPATHic I feel ashame & pathetic... Cause I cry for no~known obvious reasons, I am overcome with intense GRIEF, I cannot be consoled & I am utterly miserable. I have choosen a different path for my EMPATHY such as false~percieved "aloofness" to protect myself from my 'fits' & from the ridicule/judgement/discorn of others.
I have even accepted the aid of modern medicine to explain it away as depression & have been on meds for most of my life. The Rx has greatly 'numbed' the "forboding" & the EMAPHic emotional mood~swings... This is a cognitive decision that I have made for myself to better deal with it. It has NOT stopped my ability. Because I can still sense it same way. But the physical manifests (ie:symptoms) have been GREATLY diminished.
I know its very wrong. I know that I should be focusing on it deeper & learning how to hone its ability into using it to help communicate on a greater level with others to heal. But I am NOT ready for that kind of responsibility. And quite simply, I just want to be 'normal' & desensitized for once in my "BIZARRE" life. 😕
demonkitty101 (2 stories) (10 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-10-14)
uhh, the 'alone in a crowded room' feeling? I get that too... But I have always shrugged it off as a teenage thing. Maybe it's not, then...
karen22 (1 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-10-13)
Hi
I know how you feel I'm the same I would often watch my mum and could do the samethings as she could by the age of 2 I could do things that over 2 years old could not and I'm still the same way today I don't know what I to feel what over peaple feel and I donteven have to now them. Its not that you feel your an old soul, but you are an old soul, sometimes you can know stuff without knowing how you know it its the same for me to, some times it can take its toll but sometimes its great cose there are more of people like us out there and it not so lonely but just know that next time you feel down and we all will know cose some of us are from the same place before we came to earth
QuackDucktor (2 stories) (1 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-10-11)
[at] Phil;;

Thank goodness--reading that has been such a relief. I tried to make myself like more modern music, but with interests that keep my tastes in the thirties and prior up to the nineties, I find it hard to discuss music past stating what instruments I play and that my dad is a musician. I'm really happy to have reassurance that it won't be so bleak forever. 😊
RCT123 (6 stories) (16 posts)
 
11 years ago (2012-10-11)
Phil
I can't say as though I can help you with the 6th sense portion of your note as much as I can offer up my comparable situation regarding the "old soul". For years, from since I can remember I was told by several others that I was an old soul. I even used old timey language quite often instead of popular contemporary slang as a teeenager. I never felt like I really connected with anyone my age either because they only wanted to talk about girls, sports or teeenager drama. I wanted to discuss serious matters of the world and how things actually were. I was always told that I was quiet yet overly mature and "wise" for my age. I wasn't quiet, I was observing human interaction and found it odd and fascinating. Always felt like I saw right through people's actions and stripped each action down to a basic human need. I found music became a great vehicle for me to fit in with others. It probably saved me a lot of loneliness. Playing in a band gave me an outlet as well. Just a thought.
Know that you are on the right path and where you need to be. You will find others like you even if it may take some time. Hopefully others here will help you with your gift and the other issues plaguing you. At 32 years old today, with what I feel is the mind of a 90 year old, I can tell you it definitely gets better.
Richard

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