The other day, I was missing my brother really bad. I blame my sister for his murder and I cannot seem to get past it. Well, I slept in his shirt hoping to dream of him. It's been so long since he has screamed my name and woke me up or visited me in my dreams. He has been gone for over 9 years. Anyway, at 4 am I was awaken. In a flash, in my head, I could see my sister upset. I could see where she was sitting in her home and what she was wearing. In that second, I felt the most loving and forgiving feeling I had ever felt in my life. So I called her. She validated what I said... Which I do doubt what she validated because she lies so bad. However, the feeling and the "flash" in my head I know was real because it happened to me. Now I am even madder because if she didn't have anything to do with my brother's murder then why did I feel total forgiveness. I am scared my anger will keep my brother away. How do I get rid of the anger?
In the past my brother has screamed my name so loud that it awoke me. It was when I was living on the beach, two years after his passing. I had been drinking and crying over him and feel asleep on my sofa with my front door open. When he woke me, he screamed my name, in his voice, so loud it woke me and scared me half to death. I got up and shut the door. I wonder if I were in harms way and he wanted it closed. This may sound weird, but here lately I don't get charged things I put on my check card. I'm a single mom and moved from Atlanta to Chattanooga. I was so stressed about how I was going to pay for the gas. I was moving from the town my brother was murdered in. I was so shocked to see that the Uhaul did not charge me. I feel it was Treys way of telling me I was not alone and the move was right. Also I took my 20 year old daughter out for dinner the other night. Knowing I would not be able to pay my car insurance if I did. But she needed to spend time with me so I did anyway. I was never charged. We have only been in Tennessee for a little over a month. This has never happened to me before. I leave the money in the bank waiting for it to come out... But I don't think its going too. The truck was 5 weeks ago and the dinner over a week. Is this my big and only brother?