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How Heath Ledger's Passing Affected Me

 

I am a empath, and have been for as long as I can remember. Before I knew the word empath, I just called it other things. I was not a huge heath ledger fan, I've only seen him in a few films. I kind of picked up a sense of familiarity when I saw his face though. I just assumed he looked like someone I knew.

The morning he passed on, I was in terrible shape. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for some time mow, and had been able to cope until a few things over the past few years made my struggle so much harder. Almost unbearable at times. I've dealt with it by basically shutting myself off from people, I know it is an erroneous way to deal, but I've been a bit of a loner most of my life. Not too extreme though. I have a family, am married with 2 kids, and a couple friends. I just pick up so much energy, am so sensitive and a recent trauma has made me unbelievably overly-perceptive. I can't seem to tone it down.

The morning heath ledger died, I dropped my husband off at work, my son off at school, and my daughter at daycare. I came home, and just could not stop crying. It all came out like a waterfall, and I can usually hold back the waterworks pretty well for an empath... most of the time. Not this time. I went upstairs and laid in bed, under the covers, and continued crying, even more dramatically, (I felt so ashamed that I was crying so hard) and eventually began wondering if I would die soon, or if maybe people in my life wouldn't be so bad off if I did. I know, pretty depressing.

Then I felt for a moment as if I stopped breathing, a breathless state came over me and I realized how serious it would be if that happened. Then I fell asleep. I had recently been pondering whether or not to get on meds for depression/anxiety, despite a horrible history of bad reactions to them. I've used herbs and diet and exercise, music writing and singing as antidepressants. I know what I'm doing with the herbs, I've studied in many apprenticeships with talented well-known herbalists. I'd just been kind of slacking off a bit in keeping up with things.

Finally stopped my weeping, went downstairs to maybe do laundry or something. Went on my computer to check my emails, when I saw his face on msn with the title "heath ledger found dead".

I felt this cold shock come over me like a wind. I always just assumed he was an awesome guy. I read on about the circumstances, then I realized he may have been struggling as well. Whether his death was accidental or intentional, he helped me somehow. Reading about how many meds he'd been on rekindled my fervor for not taking them myself, but also made me wonder whether he knew what he was doing somehow. Whether consciously or not. I was on zoloft from the ages of 13-16, on and off, was prescribed them by a doctor my foster mother took me too. When I was allowed back home with my real mom, there was no supervision. I shared my pills with friends because taking half a pill got us drunk faster. Eventually I spiraled into a suicidal rage filled hole, that has taken me years to get out of. Occasionally I find those thoughts creeping back in, but gods, goddesses, gurus, and guides have prevented them from getting bad enough to cause too much worry.

I can't say I know what heath was struggling with in the weeks before his death or at the moment. But I also know I don't believe in coincidences... Especially when they have to do with death. Though I did not know the man, or even many of his films, I know he helped me. Even if he did not know it. I wish I could thank him, only wish we'd have met. Maybe we'd have been helpful to each other... I could have helped him with herbs and introduced him to healers and brought him to sweat lodges. He could have help me with getting my music recognized. I guess being so affected by his death, despite the fact that I barely knew he existed besides seeing him from time to time in films, forced me to accept that when I die, hopefully far from now, it will hurt a lot of people a great deal.

Whoever reads this, I'm being as bluntly honest as possible right now. I need to be. If you think I'm a nutball. So be it. I know what happened will never be forgotten.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, riverbreather, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

jay-dub (1 posts)
 
2 years ago (2019-09-05)
This resonates so much for me, thank you so much for your post. Over 11 years on and I am still struggling with Heath's passing, for some reason he has been on my mind and in my dreams since the end of 2018 more than ever. Like you I did not know him but can still recall the day I first saw him on my tv screen, he was magnetic and I honestly thought I had met him before. At the time of his death I was going through similar relationship struggles to him and actually ended up being prescribed one of the drugs that was found in his system. I was at rock bottom and felt I had no other choice but to take it. The entire time though I remembered Heath and worked on getting better without the medication. Recently I have visited a psychic hoping to find answers to why he has become so prominent in my mind all of a sudden, unfortunately I have not been able to find answers. I cannot shake the sorrow and the feeling that if our paths had crossed (I was living in Perth the last Christmas that he visited his family there in 2007) I could've somehow helped him reconnect to his roots and heal his mind. I really feel that he is ok now and it's those of us earthside that miss him and feel the horrible loss. I cannot speak to anyone around me about these thoughts though and feel as if I'm a bit of a nutball too, I mean I didn't even know the guy!
DarkRaven75 (2 posts)
 
13 years ago (2008-07-01)
You know its funny that you happened to write this Riverbreather, I kind of took Heath Ledger's death to heart myself and still find myself thinking about him. He was a wonderful actor especially in Brokeback Mountain. Although I don't remember what I was doing at the time of his death, it hurt me to find out. Like you, I never really was into watching his movies but when I did I liked them and can't wait to see his last performance in "Dark Knight". I also think about the late "Aaliyah" the young r&b singer who was only 22 I think when she died in that plane crash into the Bahamas after her video shoot. People are dying younger and younger these days and it makes you think, well am I going to die soon? I'm scared to death OF death, but I know that we all have to go sometime and that its part of nature. The question on everyone's mind is "How do I prepare for it"? Anyways, I have been on a few antidepressants and anxiety pills in my past, hopefully I will never need them again, they alter your personality too much and cause you to hallucinate and sometimes you end up feeling worse than you were before you started taking them. Believe me I know lol. I often find myself asking myself "What is the point of me being on this earth? Why am I here? I ask that quite often. Well this is it! I think I finally found it Were empaths, we can possibly do good for someone and be there for someone who is in pain! It could be a great help for someone who is going through a hard time and by you picturing yourself in their shoes and actually feeling it, they will know that you really understand and it would make them feel a lot better. 😊
riverbreather (guest)
 
13 years ago (2008-04-03)
thanks for commenting. I appreciate that someone took time to read my story. It helped me a great deal to writeout my thoughts, and kind of let go of the heavy emotion heaths death brought to the surface for me. It was kind of a catalystic event, spiritually. The universe always has a message for us, whether we're paying attention or not. Sometimes all we have to do is look in a particular direction and notice something, or hear about a certain event that occured to understand what is going on within ourselves.

blessings
patty ❤
Harperllen82 (guest)
 
14 years ago (2008-03-04)
I think this is a very moving story and it just shows what a truly sympathetic and caring person you are. As far as being a "nutball" aren't we all? I had an aquantince that I spent some time with, but not a lot. He was murdered and I took it very hard. I was plauged with dreams of him and lots of saddness for weeks after his death. Like I said we weren't close, but his passing was very difficult for me. Thank you for sharing your story.
GlendaSC (5 stories) (1475 posts)
 
14 years ago (2008-03-03)
I do understand a little. I watched the movie a few times. Then I put it under clothing. I told the hub, it just made me toooo sad. Beyond movie sad, "Brokeback Mountain..." Later, they had a website to his family supposedly. I wrote that as an artist, he touched me and many people and I hoped they appreciated that contribution. I hope his family has comfort. I wrote more, a little, not too gushy but true.

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