When I was very young, I remember seeing seeing "spirits" or silhouettes.
A famous one was a cowboy.
He would lay across my desk at night with his head propped up by his arm and just stare at me (the desk was in front of my bed).
Even though it was completely dark in the house, I could see him and his hat, like he was outlined with red.
My mother comes from a family that practices Wicca.
I told her about what I was seeing and she said I could "push it away" by ignoring it and asking them to stop coming to me.
So I did because it scared me... And I stopped seeing things around age 8.
But I still feel them and I catch essences of things about them.
But I can't carry on a conversation with them and ask questions. And I can't see them or see things about them.
It's almost like the things I do pick up about spirits, I convince myself that it's my imagination.
Okay, so recently, after sensing nothing for years, I get this VERY strong connection to a male spirit.
I've done some research on "twin flames", and I think that's what he is. I know he's dead because he used to be an "indie artist"...a singer and there's quite a bit of information about him online.
I know, it sounds like I'm a fangirl.
But I'm not. I heard about him years ago and never got into his music or him. I just thought it was sad that he "committed suicide".
But out of the blue two months ago, I got the urge to look him up again. I was going through depression and I was seriously contemplating suicide. And just one day, his named popped into my head after 3 years. I didn't even know who he was at first. I had to search his name and "committed suicide" because that's all I could remember.
Throughout the next month, I knew I was feeling a presence, but I didn't know how to "prove" it to myself.
Things kept coming up, though, in my life. Like, I would hear things CONSTANTLY that somehow tied to him. Or one of his songs would play on the radio when they typically don't because it's 10 years old and an it's acquired taste to like him.
And there's so much more that's happened.
All leading up to me picking a random album out of my dad's records yesterday and it being called "Synchronicity". And the definition of synchronicity is exactly what's been happening.
Anyway, I'll just say, after that month of listening to his music and feeling his presence, I'm MUCH better.
So I think that's why he came. To help me out of my slump, or stop me making the same mistake he did.
But since I've gotten better, I lost him!
I don't feel the presence anymore and I'd really like it back. It's very warm and there's this feeling that comes along with it that I can only describe as "swirly". It's not in my gut like the "butterflies" feeling, it's higher and it just feels swirly.
So back to the point, I think I've pushed my abilities away. Is there anyway to develop them again?
I've tried meditation but it's very hard to focus and I end up doubting myself.
And do you think the presence will come back? How can I call it back or speak to him?
I've seen where some psychics can actually hear a spirit speaking to them... Like a voice in their head and see pictures of them. How can I get to that point?
Or can I even get back to where I was as a kid or is it gone forever?
I'm very confused and I have no one to talk about this with because I live with my dad now and he doesn't believe in psychic abilities. He even made fun of me the one time I did mention it.