About 8 months ago, I met a guy who shoots photos (I am a photographer as well), and he lives in Wisconsin. He came out of no where, and I thought at first glance that our relationship was amazing and strong, that we would have a future together, that he loved me just like he said he did.
It turns out he is a very dark, and controlling, negative soulmate, and I had to cut off the relationship before it nearly brought me to complete mental, spiritual, and physical sickness (I already was losing myself, or atleast what I had before we met.)
The thing was, he had dated a girl, Paige. He told me about her the very first day we talked. She had died on March 12, 2012 in a car accident at 16, (I am 16 as well) with one of her closest friends, Gabi. Paige was driving the car home from school, and it was raining. She turned her car around a curve and it slid and flipped into a body of water. Both Gabi and Paige lost their lives that day.
At the time he told me, I didn't know any of this other than that she had died. I didn't think much of it other than just a distant sadness. But one night, when he really talked about it, (it was the night she would've celebrated her 17th), I felt it. I thought at first what I was feeling was sadness that he clearly wasn't over her.
But it wasn't at all. At the time I was not in touch with anything metaphysical/psychic/spiritual at all, I didn't really trust in believing in much of anything anymore.
I became so drowned in sadness over Paige's death. After looking online about how and when she died, it finally hit me what had been there all along. For years, I have had repeated dreams of crashing a car into bodies of water, even as a small child. On March 12 last year, I was sitting in class, writing the date, and I remember sitting there thinking, something, something about this day. Something was going to happen, I didn't know if it was bad or good, I just knew. After that day, the dreams stopped. The entire rest of the semester, and especially the summer, I felt an inexplicably aching void inside I had never felt before. I didn't know it was her at the time, but I knew I had lost something very big in my heart.
I finally decided to go to a psychic, and when I told her about Paige, and how I never knew her but felt so devastated about her death, she asked me to speak more about it. I went on crying and saying "I just don't understand, she was so young, etc..." and then out of no where, I spoke words I had no control of at all, "I just wish I hadn't died." She was crying through me, and she had not crossed over, so every ounce of emotion she had, I felt too. After that day, I felt connected to her on an even deeper level, I could feel her absolutely amazing light and personality, her goofiness and love, with me. And it was amazing.
But the sadness was too much to take. I would go to dances for high school at when the strobes would come on (I don't know why I have such a strong reaction to them, but I have always been so sensitive) I would have flashbacks over and over of her and it scared me and I would have to leave because of all the sadness. I couldn't drive by car accidents, and every date I look at I always mark as her having been alive or as a date after she was gone. Everything.
I finally went to a healer, and she helped me finally cross Paige over. Paige and I were supposed to meet in this life, but the energy changed, and she took an early exit. We are soulmates, and have been sisters and mostly best friends in past lives. I feel as if I have known her for a thousand years, I know I have.
After she crossed, I knew things wouldn't be the same, but I didn't know just how lonely it would be until the moment she was gone. I have had amazing experiences getting in contact with her, and seeing her, and feeling her presence, but I am not very developed, and it is so hard to feel close to her. Often, I wish I could die and be with her. But I know it isn't the path I am intended to take.
As a kid I would cry about death, and as I got older, I had a deep feeling I would die at a young age, I now know I have died young many lives before. And I carry it with me that if she lived okay when I died, I can do the same for her.
I know that is so so much (and there is even more), but if you anyone has any words that relate or experiences or any help or anything of the sort, it is so welcome.
Thank you all so much.