Please read my story here http://www.psychic-experiences.com/real-psychic-story.php?story=11071.
I want to develop it by myself because where I go to study, they say it will take a lot of time (maybe a couple years) and I don't want to wait for so long.
If you feel some energy from this post, please let me know, I want to make sure I'm really a channeler. Sometimes I just want to end with my life for no reason, I see images of me killing myself with knife, I growl, the anger that I feel, I sense all my body nerves (is that intense).
The place I go (umbanda), they don't let me know anything, they just say
I'm medium and that I have open body. I want to develop my channeler skill to help people, when I was young I used to speak with god inside my head, I couldn't pay attention to the class at school. I used to feel the warmth of the angel touching me (I used to almost cried of time, the feeling was amazing, like being in peace place like heaven). The voices used to say: "you need to help people!" (something like that).
My goal is to help people for free, not like job, more like charity, I know I have big karma to pay in this life.
I'm diagnosed as schizophrenic and take pills (10 a day), but everywhere I go they say I'm medium. I'm really confuse, please if you are a medium or psychic, can you see if I'm medium?
I really don't know what to do anymore, please read my story in the link so you can understand better my situation and why I'm so desperate.
Thanks all for everything.